Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Don't forget to write in "KONY" on the ballot tomorrow!
I want to live in a world where your twitter bio is your epitaph.
I hate drama!
-girls who love drama
Bad bacon is like sex. I've never had sex.
0 for 58 on going to guitar center and not listening to a tool play Metallica riffs repeatedly.
Pretty excited about my Smeagol/Gollum impersonation becoming relevant again
It's like people aren't even impressed when I tell them I can make apple slices from scratch
After cleaning my room.
Day 1: This is tidy. I'll keep it this way!
Day 2: I just need a clear path from the bed to the bathroom.
A hipster pours a PBR out for his friend he lost to the mainstream
Maury and Jerry Springer would be so poor if people realized they should get a divorce just for considering going on the show.
If I wanted to serve the devil I think I would start by attending Westboro Baptist Church
Eventually radio stations will brag about playing an entire song without breaking to commercial
When you're a cannibal instagram is like 90% breakfast pictures instead of 70%
Just realized that some poodles are guys
I ask Jeeves every once in a while just to humor him
A Haiku to the girl who lives below me:
Is not so much fun for me
Haha "RIP Instagram is trending" sounds like millions of teen photography careers have just been cut short.
I couldn't help but notice that your name is missing an 'h'.
Updated my twitter app and lost all my drafts :( see you guys on the next social media frenzy
If you average 30+ tweets per day you don't need twitter. You need a therapist.