i thought getting undressed and putting my feet in stirrups was standard procedure, but long story short, i am looking for a new dentist...

my full pouting lips are looking pretty cute today, but gawd it is making it hard to walk...

i just want a guy who's a gentleman on the street and a fucking bestial vag pillaging rock-star cowboy in the bedroom. (degree preferred)

40% of female corpses are found w/ live semen in them. that's appalling. dead girls are getting more action than me! gotta step up my game.

My son just described a color as indigo, and now I am not sure I am properly prepared to raise a lesbian...

the closest thing i have to a diary is a box of used negative pregnancy pee stick tests under my bed...

i don't like the idea of religion in schools, but i've masterbated to pretty much everything else, so i'll give it a whirl...

i don't consider it a "rape" whistle, so much as a "hey, everyone look!! i'm having sex! can you fucking believe it?!? OMG!! :D!!!!" whistle

i hope i die in a way that is embarrassing for my family to explain... like auto-erotic asphyxiation watching clown porn and huffing Glade

I've only been outside for 5 minutes and I already feel like I have mayonnaise in between my butt cheeks...

i've been shoving suppositories filled with confetti and streamers in my ass to make my farts more festive and fun for everyone!

for me, being older and wiser means turning down sex with the hot punk rock guy because it's not worth the ensuing urinary tract infection

Ok health freaks, I get eating right/exercise, but what's next? Brushing your teeth everyday? Showering after gang bangs? Where does it end?

i live my life under one philosophy; drink like a rock star, fuck like a porn star, & think like an evil genius bent on destroying humanity

Ok, I'm horny, AND i'm shitting.... And honestly, i'm a bit confused about the whole situation

if i can only get the physics and geometry down, my vagina can become a wickedly lethal tampon launcher with a well timed cough...

very mature guys... i don't wear low cut shirts so you can throw trash in my cleavage... i wear them so you will put your dick in there!

some dick head left his kid in the car w/ the windows cracked while he is out working. WTF is he thinking? HIS STEREO COULD GET STOLEN!

i'm definitely not the type of girl you bring home to your mother... unless she's down for the best 3-way of her life!

there is a new guy at work i want to pee on... no wait. i just have to pee really bad.