Only in Scotland....... pic.twitter.com/6s98AD9S

Roses are red
Apples are fruity
Watch your lasagne
It may be Black Beauty.

Unexpected item in bagging area!! pic.twitter.com/Wa3EUZsd

Great Minds can read this http://t.co/aWe7bnKz

"It's snowing outside" pic.twitter.com/nX7m7piu

Dedicated to all dog owners :-) pic.twitter.com/McnSF974Q9

Dear @support.. I love twitter, but racist assholes like @walken4gop are spoiling it for everyone.. Please help.. a retweet would be nice

URGENT Health & Safety notice for all Tweeters http://t.co/Y3kLab2H

I am not an alcoholic.
Alcoholics go to meetings.
I'm a drunk.
We go to parties!

I hate it when people say "He's a nice guy when you get to know him".
Might as well say "He's a complete dickhead,but you'll get used to it"

Did make me giggle 😂😂 http://t.co/SGzb4Cuf

Me & some lads who turned up at the club last night! http://t.co/wAjF5dww

The best friendships are based on a solid foundation of alcohol, sarcasm, laughter and a dislike for the same people.

RT If this moment in tv history made you sad :-( http://t.co/v2DqmSM8

RT If you agree!! pic.twitter.com/QMP3j9o3lb

Warning to all men:
Women are using date rape drugs called blowjobs to lure men into scams called relationships.

Love your parents and treat them with loving care.....
....for you will only know their value when you see their empty chair.

My girlfriend wanted me to take her somewhere expensive last night......

.........I took her to the petrol station.

The Jeremy Kyle Show -
Proving that being ugly and thick as shit doesn't stop you getting laid.

Batmanning.......Because Planking's for pussies!! http://t.co/n7gHLpnY