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Roses are red
Apples are fruity
Watch your lasagne
It may be Black Beauty.
I am not an alcoholic.
Alcoholics go to meetings.
I'm a drunk.
We go to parties!
I hate it when people say "He's a nice guy when you get to know him".
Might as well say "He's a complete dickhead,but you'll get used to it"
The best friendships are based on a solid foundation of alcohol, sarcasm, laughter and a dislike for the same people.
Warning to all men:
Women are using date rape drugs called blowjobs to lure men into scams called relationships.
Love your parents and treat them with loving care.....
....for you will only know their value when you see their empty chair.
My girlfriend wanted me to take her somewhere expensive last night......
.........I took her to the petrol station.
The Jeremy Kyle Show -
Proving that being ugly and thick as shit doesn't stop you getting laid.
My Names David I'm Scottish but live in Preston,UK My cat is called Disco! I run nightclubs for a living I have great Friends & Followers