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Roses are red
Apples are fruity
Watch your lasagne
It may be Black Beauty.
Facebook is apparently down.
Millions of mothers worldwide are having to raise their babies instead of posting updates about them.
I am not an alcoholic.
Alcoholics go to meetings.
I'm a drunk.
We go to parties!
I hate it when people say "He's a nice guy when you get to know him".
Might as well say "He's a complete dickhead,but you'll get used to it"
A true gentleman holds the door open for his woman.
Then he smacks her ass!
The best friendships are based on a solid foundation of alcohol, sarcasm, laughter and a dislike for the same people.
My Names David I'm Scottish, live in Preston. My cat is called Disco! Ex Club Manager now have @WerBitchin1 & Consult to Club Operators. Love twitter :-)