Very seriously considering letting the cat starve so I can go & watch The Avengers again.

I want to be the cause of your mental breakdown.

Shut up and eat cheese.

You had me at "stupid"

#thatawkwardmoment when your so worried about your underwear matching you don't realise your purple bra can be seen through your dress #FAIL

Soup of the day: The tears of my enemies

My husband won't let me dress the cat in bread. He's such a killjoy.

@thehearninator "I'm either gonna be sick or vomit"

I am going to massively over think this situation, until I wish I hadn't. Then I'm gonna get drunk.

I am fairly confident that I thoroughly deserve this hangover.

No woman will ever be satisfied because no man will ever have a chocolate penis that shoots out money #endoffact

You are what you tweet.

There's a good possibility my insides are trying to claw their way out.

If it isn't broken, fix it before it is.

Vodka slush puppies by the poolside :)

Oh no, did I miss the football? Gutted. Never mind, at least I got to see The Avengers again :)

My presents from my husband for passing my exam :D http://t.co/OUO837Sf

I like the bit where you shut up.

Hate me all you like, it's not going to change the fact I don't like 'The Goonies'.

A magnetic screwdriver will be your best friend, if you let it.