We took a vote and everyone wants you to Twittercide…You can stay if you want,but honestly it’s going to be awkward for everyone if you do

No one wins when you fart into a heated seat.

If only I had the confidence of a plus sized black woman

My bhole just made it rain Snickers.

I wish I was a three pump chump

My son is going to play baby Hebus in our local Christmukkah play this year.

I wanna be your cool ranch dorito.

I followed you because you are cute. I unfollowed you because you quoted drake.

Fuck you, I'm polite as fuck

Sometimes I feel bad for squirrels. Other times I don't. It all depends, really. On many, many factors. Well, good talk, everybody.

Judge me? Fuck you!

My titty tat chesticles have yummy meow meow milksies ready to be suckled at any given point.

Weed guy says he should be in town “around dark”
Let’s synchronize our watches,guys

I don't masturbate in front of you during sex because it's sexy... I do it because you're doing it wrong

Cass cass cass cass cass cass cass cass cass cass cass cass cass cass


Stop


Now let that mothafucker twitter time.

put your hands up for Detroit / withdraw all your cash from the ATM for Detroit / lay down on the ground and count to twenty for Detroit

hey baby chug this four loko and tell me I'm pretty

@djderk Those sluts needed it. All sluts do. A good, deep dicking. That's all women really want.

You know it's your soulmate if they'll pop a pimple on your ass.

Hey Karen Creets
Even if you star this it won’t count as a mention
Suck it,fool