The world lost a wonderful comic on August 9th. RIP David Rakoff. Here is a short he did with @mrdavehill.

http://t.co/gjU21QYU

Just got my new Garftfield shirt from @ieatanddrink! Surfs up, ladies. pic.twitter.com/Gr8sSCn7

.@webmd Is it true that women can be doctors?

Plan B? More like Plan A! Am I right, guys?!

Isn't it funny how the guys from B2K are serving BK2me now?

"George Bush hates lights."
-Kanye
#superbowl

Passive aggressive games between couples are so...never mind.

I've given it a lot of thought & I'm done over-analyzing situations.

Friend: What do you know about the Emancipation Proclamation?

Me: Nothing. I don't listen to hip hop.

Just once I'd like to hear an athlete/musician thank science.

"I'd like to, first of all, thank science. Without you, nothing is possible."

Final reason of today why I can't stand society:

Barbra Streisand has sold more records than Bob Dylan, Johnny Cash, & Tom Petty combined.

Another reason to hate existence:

Creed has sold more albums than Jimi Hendrix in America.

Helen Keller gave mad hand jobs, yo.

Just buried my cousin. Died of a 4/20 overdose. RIP Donny. pic.twitter.com/sMe77Vimts

If you're gonna do crack, make sure it's the one on your girlfriend's back.

Guys, I've gotta admit, this has been one of the best Black History Months of my life.

This Alex Rodriguez Yankee Candle smells awful.

Found my Hanukkah gift to myself! pic.twitter.com/9t3dWWkg

I keep a condom in my wallet to remind myself that no one wants to sleep with me.

Cut myself shaving, but I'm gonna try and power through this with a little help from you guys.