haha this is so fuckin sweet.. apparently you can use your imagination to travel to diff. times/places. grounded my ass.

Y'all ever notice how muslims are always..*drops racism notecards and scrambles to sort them* ..Having Big Penises??

im a simple man. *lifts something into truck* i work hard. i play hard. and when it comes to anime *dusts hands* i prefer subs to dubs.

how the hell do you level up your okcupid character cause my guy is just sitting there looking fat and boring

Under skills you listed: EATIN PUSSY ON A WATER BED You are hired welcome to the Tire Store this is going to be bad ass

*sifts dirt in hand* "There was a warped tour here.. long ago." -The Wise Teen

thanks obama wow i cant wait to buy this stupid crap i dont fucking need. sent 8 seconds ago from ipad, iphone, computer and television

If a cat makes biscuits for u on ur tummy dont be a rude ass. Eat the biscuits. I know they arent real. He knows they arent real. Just do it

climb on into my bed, babe. let me just move these sandwiches and these backup sandwiches

whenever a celebrity dies twitter turns into this big group of people all trying to jam the same turd into one toilet.

ah the old "titty under a box propped up by a stick" trap. Not this time *reaches for titty hangin from a tree and gets caught in a big net*

every known thing had been sufficiently mocked and ironically retweeted. we placed our phones in the dirt and walked into the woods to die

President Goku slams his fist on his desk and screams into his phone. "I dont give a hot gay fuck what congress says! Legalize weed, dude!"

@bofa_help HOW DO I PUT MY VISA IN EBAY. TO BUY THE IPOD. MY CARD IS 4485843279608227 MY EXP IS 10/15 MY NAME IS JERRY. NUMBER ON BACK 400

*gallops by on horse* "Bitch your pussy smell like halal food" *shoots pistol in the air* "AND THEM TITTIES LOOK LIKE TWO FRIED EGGS"

if ur a cat and reading this 1: please let me pet you. 2. i dont know how you learned to read english but im very pround of u..

Dang!! Im having A Lunch Sandwich! Lets see what Sportsball team is on today! Ahh the Grumps vs the Whiskers. Should be a tense game! Beer

Q: what is the scariest religion? A: boo-dism. Im kidding its all of them haha

rt if your a christian paintballer

turns out 'fantasy football' isnt swords + football its just a bunch of office dorks updating a spreadsheet or something