@donchiefnerd's (Don Henry) most faved Tweets...
Kanye West was a lot nicer before that house fell on Kanye East.
Steven Tyler suffered head and neck injuries falling off a stage in SD.

He probably should have walked THAT way.
Co-worker: hard to believe it's October already

Me: not if you look at a calendar at least once a month

Small talk skills.

I have them.
Every time it displays ENJOY YOUR MEAL, I expect the microwave oven to insert quotes around the last word.
Yo, Popeye, Ima let you spinach…
When I was a boy, we made Nancy Kerrigan horseface jokes. Uphill. Both ways.
The most important lesson I've learned from 25 years of commuting to Boston is this:

The road to Hell is paved.
It's been so long that I've taken to calling it mourning wood.
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Discovering condoms have expiration dates was disappointing on multiple levels.
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For 2 months I've been using my iPhone without screen protection

Today, the period key stopped working and every minus I type comes up '+'
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HELP!

It's a gang of newly indoctrinated 11 year old socialists at my library trying to learn stuff.

OMG!

One wants to be an engineer!
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Being on Twitter makes someone a writer in the same way that being on Cops makes someone a TV star.
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Our marriage has matured to the point where the phrase "bring it" only refers to my wallet.

Don't even ask about "I'm coming."
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Today is the first day of the rest of my laundry.
Learned by spending the day shopping with fashion designer wife:

Purple is the new black.
Ruffles are in.
My testicles are now ovaries.
Just so you know.

While I've been quiet, I've been reading and starring all of your tweets.

[points to heart]

In here. Where it counts.
Usually, I gain 20 pounds over the holidays.

That's only, like 3, in dog-pounds.
Can someone invent a drug that drives me to work? No? I guess I'll settle for one that makes me forget how to drive.

Like everyone else.
I'm rocking out at a concert right now and the crowd isn't into it.

Oh great, now I'm getting dirty looks from the conductor, too.
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