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@donchiefnerd
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@donchiefnerd's (Don Henry) most faved Tweets...
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Kanye West was a lot nicer before that house fell on Kanye East.
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donchiefnerd
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Steven Tyler suffered head and neck injuries falling off a stage in SD.
He probably should have walked THAT way.
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donchiefnerd
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I know I've had enough to drink when I suddenly know everyone's middle name and it's "Motherfucking."
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donchiefnerd
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Co-worker: hard to believe it's October already
Me: not if you look at a calendar at least once a month
Small talk skills.
I have them.
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donchiefnerd
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Every time it displays ENJOY YOUR MEAL, I expect the microwave oven to insert quotes around the last word.
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donchiefnerd
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THERE'S ALMOND MILK?
I didn't even know they had nipples.
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donchiefnerd
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Yo, Popeye, Ima let you spinach…
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When I was a boy, we made Nancy Kerrigan horseface jokes. Uphill. Both ways.
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donchiefnerd
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For 2 months I've been using my iPhone without screen protection
Today, the period key stopped working and every minus I type comes up '+'
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donchiefnerd
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The most important lesson I've learned from 25 years of commuting to Boston is this:
The road to Hell is paved.
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donchiefnerd
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It's been so long that I've taken to calling it mourning wood.
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donchiefnerd
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My work here is dumb.
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Discovering condoms have expiration dates was disappointing on multiple levels.
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HELP!
It's a gang of newly indoctrinated 11 year old socialists at my library trying to learn stuff.
OMG!
One wants to be an engineer!
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donchiefnerd
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Our marriage has matured to the point where the phrase "bring it" only refers to my wallet.
Don't even ask about "I'm coming."
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donchiefnerd
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Being on Twitter makes someone a writer in the same way that being on Cops makes someone a TV star.
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donchiefnerd
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Daily, as I leave, my wife tells me to "have fun storming the castle." I don't have the heart to tell her I'm only a software engineer.
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Today is the first day of the rest of my laundry.
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Learned by spending the day shopping with fashion designer wife:
Purple is the new black.
Ruffles are in.
My testicles are now ovaries.
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Usually, I gain 20 pounds over the holidays.
That's only, like 3, in dog-pounds.
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