there's people starving in china and I'm sitting in a bathtub filled with orange juice and 8 floating hams.

they aren't typos you fuckhead I'm a bad speller

I'M TAKING TWITTER SERIOUSLY

hello? can anybody hear me? is this the internet?

"social media guru"? remember when we used to just call those people "unemployed"?

it's my 200th tweet. you know what that means? if you guessed unemployed with no life about to move back in with mom & dad, congratulations.

maybe if you sent a text instead of calling me like it's 19 fucking 86 I would have responded!

DID SOMEBODY SAY TACOS

i just found that floppy disk filled with boobs I downloaded in the 90's

OH WHAT THE FUCK EVER

roses are red...violets are blue. I HAVE A GUN GET IN THE FUCKING CAR

[This tweet has been removed from US and Canadian timelines due to violations of your country's Butthurt Policy.]

HAPPY EASTER!!

€€

UHN TSS UHN TSS UHN TSS UHN TSS UHN TSS UHN TSS UHN TSS UHN TSS UHN TSS UHN TSS UHN TSS UHN TSS UHN TSS UHN TSS UHN TSS

using the FUCK out of twitter

OMG SOMEONE SAID TOAST I THINK

looks like it's about time for me to go to work. yeah i work on sundays because fuck god.

if i ever won 4 million dollars, i'd buy a dune buggy, 5 prostitutes, some tacos, and 3.9 million dollars of cocaine.