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  • donni
      donni @donni

    My pessimism has never failed me, but I'm sure someday it will.

    • 2,510
    • FAVS
    _troyjohnsonli4mst3w4rtKareigilizprobablyadogadams1317debwtffrocklobsterpopcultini
    • 659
    • RETWEETS
    AlexioDelGobboprobablyadogPhineasTPruneGarthGreen13WitmerEricsxconnerphiljones39johnny_ripper
    theshantillyquickpooperRatCasketThisAlexSteinElephartUpturnedBathtubTitaniumToplassh_om_ebound______GroperClevelandCrankyPappygirl_eats_worldllvvzzzSaudijoteinmynewskin
  • donni
      donni @donni

    Choose a job you love and you'll never work a day in your life, because you'll never get that job.

    • 1,769
    • FAVS
    emelinakatieannamorristaisiarblinzim92william_dawmeganmac_505declanmcmahon7natashasuv_
    • 1,031
    • RETWEETS
    Julianaisokabbi_gabbitaisiarbnicholasbuzzradvanessamurphytomiobanuregreenexile77iarchitgautam
    GarbageMysticJerryThomasVerlierenixSEANxirichmckayChaChaDaly________JuliaEveHays
  • donni
      donni @donni

    Slowly, Waldo's wife and Mr. Sandiego started putting the pieces together.

    • 1,490
    • FAVS
    Kishfymatt_jarosz44leasdofli4mst3w4rtradtoriamaddi_rowleythemiltronryanhancer
    • 1,276
    • RETWEETS
    papadamgirlhardkorahDaJobesrolandgongitiswinstondominicsjrHunterStithyaykyle
    jakegunst
  • donni
      donni @donni

    Amish murderers get the acoustic chair.

    • 1,855
    • FAVS
    Colonel_ColinfarrahtheamazonShanrahan20JaketrociousDocJohn90vanessamurphyLeonMusialEdwinaCrumple
    • 905
    • RETWEETS
    PaulHiggitt1justkiddddddingTylerFGSaintAndy83chelsioes8MegabyteMakaylaPurdyStarcherGrant
    BrandogramsThisAlexSteinearfdaeElZepet__________GroperClevelandRitleySammichLisaFartedjimmykinkade
  • donni
      donni @donni

    The best thing about telepathy is...I know, right?

    • 1,960
    • FAVS
    GiftedNappermatthewverygoodBrdnHatesYouvckindron_troyjohnsonthemiltronlimesinkindelibleWings
    • 667
    • RETWEETS
    sateayam_troyjohnsonbandanacIiffordyass196Music2baptworadicaljocyTheNewDomShowMcMiserable
    _troyjohnsonjaffryanBigBBanterdiabolicalexsanxsantiagoItsNotDavey______GroperClevelandDudiSharonhaurdCiderMmeLaCrooz
  • donni
      donni @donni

    The fact that we don't use towels to dry towels makes me question the value of towels.

    • 1,760
    • FAVS
    sandwichJOY_troyjohnsonthemiltrondreamthievinGoldenSpiralsJustFollownRTHeltonKGoinsthoai3000
    • 613
    • RETWEETS
    SexxxyReddd09JustFollownRTLaPorte_DanielEelijahJordanthoai3000KhrisWarholcanadianatlargeMHanson62
    blopt101Raceyseanxolearyrad_milkChelseaK22MiketheSourcer
  • donni
      donni @donni

    You guys ever party with bugs

    • 1,501
    • FAVS
    themiltronjakegunstDanKCharnleynataliehall2549brallonXrydenmaeve113Michael_Erhartbasscalth
    • 530
    • RETWEETS
    basscalthaltmgcmychemicalphxn1eleesanwJustFollownRTTigressofZod__fckedcalintheiero
  • donni
      donni @donni

    "All you need is love," sang the popular millionaires.

    • 1,365
    • FAVS
    cpn911Oxey_RottenTimmisTrevorRafael_ARMCjakeclarke112LucyyPrattcourtney_annezmarisakranitz
    • 651
    • RETWEETS
    PlattypusSrmemes2k15TimmisTrevorjakeclarke112JaredRusselwobblespoonmatthewbatekennakpk
    VenusRockHobbit__Benesh_RockabillyJay
  • donni
      donni @donni

    Saw a werewolf at the bus stop this morning. Or possibly just a very hairy guy. Either way, the silver bullets worked.

    • 1,516
    • FAVS
    themiltronjakegunstdingoden1DanKCharnleyExitThaWarriorkarachezfunnyasfartstheverbalEMP
    • 407
    • RETWEETS
    jakegunsttheverbalEMPdavidwgallNevil1950drgreenthumbs13flatbillybaroudreamthievinestattin
    Michael_ErhartWigCannonmontaukmonster1747Pylot__________Coastiefish
  • donni
      donni @donni

    If you call Starbucks "Starbs," I hope you get totes murds.

    • 1,286
    • FAVS
    A__A_PbehindyourbackthemiltronjakegunstDanKCharnleyWanderluciousdreamthievinchriswindeyer
    • 597
    • RETWEETS
    arjunskeptic_thedearcalleBerlininatorJustFollownRTPeteHoffman88shenanigansPS_IRuddYou
    mikecerchiariGroperClevelandashgrashsuperduperkewldeKenstructionKevinFrisbee
  • donni
      donni @donni

    Can I legally change my name to the same name, but with a bigger font?

    • 1,553
    • FAVS
    sandwichJOYthemiltronjakegunstWhoopdeedoo22DanKCharnleydreamthievinGoldenSpiralsRipsnore
    • 304
    • RETWEETS
    JustFollownRTBonjohhtheipodteacherRlpihlkrishna_vanI_Am_IRONSTARKHuajatollaChicNeuronicism
    BrandogramsRowdyBowdentigersgoroooarCVTBabyDearNoone
  • donni
      donni @donni

    I'm the one who got us into this mess, so I'll be the one who gets us much, much deeper into this mess

    • 1,117
    • FAVS
    massiebieberthemiltronjakegunstchiararayosWhoopdeedoo22DanKCharnleyKenPowell252dreamthievin
    • 623
    • RETWEETS
    jakegunstTheCiaraQuinlanditaalvarezmrkevinmullenaSapCoolDadTheNewDomShowlosingthymeEvieOsullivan1
  • donni
      donni @donni

    Growing up is when you go from using drugs for fun to using drugs for survival.

    • 1,335
    • FAVS
    themiltronDanKCharnleyKenPowell252weldy930itskushathonMingxingRenzheKnrhockeyJogreroll
    • 362
    • RETWEETS
    MingxingRenzheKnrhockeycub1fan1962JogrerollJemill13DahFahQusayJustFollownRTliftyourlife
    SaraThomas84lakeanagirlrezsaysCamusOverEasySmethanie
  • donni
      donni @donni

    Wasting my life is taking forever

    • 1,021
    • FAVS
    PopsompHillsnareniumbondiolitasaintmailiQuipBoyLeahTiscionesalvia011235YWIR
    • 656
    • RETWEETS
    PopsompHillsKherinBnareniumricky_3033dayumiellewhyb0bbybondiolitalaura_hunt16
  • donni
      donni @donni

    Time machine jokes aren't funny, you guys. My great grandson dies in a time machine crash.

    • 1,120
    • FAVS
    CoolestDad4RealDrunkReptilecwhudsonJoshBrakthemiltronMorgo_96spookybuttsjakegunst
    • 471
    • RETWEETS
    CoolestDad4RealDrunkReptilethemiltronquentinturntinosemixeroticjakegunstSujith543leocardz
    jaffryanKidBeatnix______Mickey_McCauleygrumpysalmonlanyardiganBrandogramszachreinert03TitaniumToplassBlacksbrgmister__clarkekantcravenheart______
  • donni
      donni @donni

    You can't spend your whole life gently rollerblading away from your problems

    • 1,004
    • FAVS
    dolphinheartsAngelaSchweersSkyeO01jakegunstamalalinerrrrrrhiannonjimmytorosianthemiltron
    • 531
    • RETWEETS
    kaidanalenkosGondavictorhauntednoodleLUVGURL1908msemiz_SkyeO01Brando_950mahalo_nerds
  • donni
      donni @donni

    Quick poll: How could you?

    • 957
    • FAVS
    NEthingButWorkrelfy99Elrood_the_ElfWHEREISWALTJNRthemiltronMadamBetteNoirehazelmotes1LilRedRidngWood
    • 391
    • RETWEETS
    MafiaMentality_Aynne_WHEREISWALTJNRthemiltronKnop917GinAndJifleah_btwDrAlexConcorde
    michaeljdawsonYour_Boy_Dylan
  • donni
      donni @donni

    "Polar bears can't jump." -Black bears

    • 966
    • FAVS
    themiltronjakegunstdingoden1DanKCharnleyGoldenSpiralsRipsnoreJustFollownRTdreamthievin
    • 341
    • RETWEETS
    McMiserableJustFollownRTughHugsnatangueJRrabbithole423HispanicIconrona65notbedelia
    ReesesLocswriteslikehelljoaomatthews_JiminyKicksIt__chuckt8081800RandyCJRoberts_DMM____
  • donni
      donni @donni

    Dude, if you really want Jessie's girl, find out her name.

    • 1,017
    • FAVS
    sandwichJOYthemiltronjakegunstDanKCharnleyJakeEuhusreagan_laineAlexBertschhannahew32
    • 163
    • RETWEETS
    IsotopeJonesAllWantSunchipsyel_julienehannahew32aezebnitsmetessaokthereisnodog77keepdancing
    adamlucidilawyerthoughtsletsgetgizzy
  • donni
      donni @donni

    I woke up feeling British, melancholy & vaguely homoerotic. Turns out I left the air conditioner on Depeche Mode all night.

    • 950
    • FAVS
    themiltronjakegunstDanKCharnleydreamthievinPanicRestroomJustFollownRTdavidpecargoodtimenoel
    • 213
    • RETWEETS
    natangueJRParadis_JaneTeeJayRushWhimsical84fuzypeachhansgullicksonIsimiezJenk3
    m0hammedwarsame
@donni

@donni
Pro

My name's Donni Saphire. It's spelled wrong. Both parts. Spellcheck hates me. I am somewhat accustomed to Final Draft. I am funnier online in person.

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