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Prank your future self by wasting your life
Amish murderers get the acoustic chair.
My pessimism has never failed me, but I'm sure someday it will.
Slowly, Waldo's wife and Mr. Sandiego started putting the pieces together.
Choose a job you love and you'll never work a day in your life, because you'll never get that job.
The best thing about telepathy is...I know, right?
If you call Starbucks "Starbs," I hope you get totes murds.
Saw a werewolf at the bus stop this morning. Or possibly just a very hairy guy. Either way, the silver bullets worked.
The fact that we don't use towels to dry towels makes me question the value of towels.
"All you need is love," sang the popular millionaires.
♪ Shot thru the heart, and you're to blame ♫
♫ You're the person who shot me ♪
You guys ever party with bugs
Time machine jokes aren't funny, you guys. My great grandson dies in a time machine crash.
A new study finds that sausages are often linked to other sausages
Can I legally change my name to the same name, but with a bigger font?
I'm the one who got us into this mess, so I'll be the one who gets us much, much deeper into this mess
Wasting my life is taking forever
Growing up is when you go from using drugs for fun to using drugs for survival.
Kill two birds with one stone, get two life sentences. In bird court. Where birds get justice
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Donni Saphire owns 0 hats, does standup comedy and writes for several websites. His DMs are open and his heart is closed.
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