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  • donni
      donni @donni

    Prank your future self by wasting your life

    • 2,494
    • LIKES
    flam_dunkPamelaKubekabaneenerdaniel___mesaAO_Eralou_tredawayTheVaginalistMikey_Fam
    • 1,627
    • RETWEETS
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  • donni
      donni @donni

    Amish murderers get the acoustic chair.

    • 2,526
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    kimtextodd__Sudani__sankskritMaloVeciGdinkhalidbaradiohenemaaOzzyAsh95tfmoore1998
    • 1,263
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  • donni
      donni @donni

    I scream, you scream, we all scream. Life is terrifying

    • 2,063
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    funnymanworldnopecamiKarenCas25Brando2315megan_casalehaleyy_idkGhosttgalaxyShowpOrShoop
    • 1,661
    • RETWEETS
    mayyaxxabemichellestrashcat17danny_notdevitoBrandyBeanHinkerandacipDearAuntAbbyraykarolia
  • donni
      donni @donni

    Slowly, Waldo's wife and Mr. Sandiego started putting the pieces together.

    • 1,894
    • LIKES
    mejiaroy1TommyGun12344reancar19JSeasiders1elexis567domesticHechiu338Howley3
    • 1,469
    • RETWEETS
    SethPrimeUrbinaaddammglcpiazzikenboyclinesamjgrangerGirlWith1Eye19dancinhansenFrancoTalarico
    jakegunst
  • donni
      donni @donni

    My pessimism has never failed me, but I'm sure someday it will.

    • 2,546
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    takama_ga_hara_Arabella_97lou_tredawayeniolacarrot__Sudani__wesleyscatnajmaaaysankskrit
    • 685
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  • donni
      donni @donni

    The fact that we don't use towels to dry towels makes me question the value of towels.

    • 2,199
    • LIKES
    PorpyMorphB3AshleyCL11hannahgracenoemncorbisieroAujuriessokelandiaSwishergirl24prettygoodyear
    • 761
    • RETWEETS
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    NoticablyBaconownedonline101Raceypudding_clubrad_milkChelseaK22MikeChavisHPE
  • donni
      donni @donni

    ♪ Shot thru the heart, and you're to blame ♫
    ♫ You're the person who shot me ♪

    • 2,022
    • LIKES
    _Skid_Jewellie99SambiguityBBo232itsnomirayaustvanceAHall88jpndrgrst
    • 884
    • RETWEETS
    corbieBBo232mysticjuicerGregLescoeAHall88LindseyLongbrakAwkwardFemalewesleywyndam
  • donni
      donni @donni

    Choose a job you love and you'll never work a day in your life, because you'll never get that job.

    • 1,825
    • LIKES
    RbkaRosaRezaeimehrPooyawandogpapiroro05aathahimLindsay57927573Lepas71Cadda_P
    • 1,068
    • RETWEETS
    marinazetichAbdalrahman_A_AMardigroanRm_elephantMariaHeineggandrueastmanNaitwa_SamBambaTen
    GarbageMysticJerryThomasgoodburrito__ixSEANxirichmckayChaChaDaly________JuliaEveHays
  • donni
      donni @donni

    If you call Starbucks "Starbs," I hope you get totes murds.

    • 1,756
    • LIKES
    sybrinaleighJayabalanSrimeleuzierems_lbdmostlywright39flamingpartyAaronMuhs___immaASSHOLE
    • 1,047
    • RETWEETS
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  • donni
      donni @donni

    The best thing about telepathy is...I know, right?

    • 2,078
    • LIKES
    GMFilmssssdikiismallzmarinazetichaKhalifa101Redness22glazerboohoohooallisonwondercSamReidSays
    • 720
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    _troyjohnsonjaffryanFRIDAYSWITHBIGBdiabolicalex__sherun_awayItsNotDavey______GroperClevelandDudiSharonhaurdCiderMmeLaCrooz
  • donni
      donni @donni

    Saw a werewolf at the bus stop this morning. Or possibly just a very hairy guy. Either way, the silver bullets worked.

    • 2,005
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    cmlograndeanthonyesteves4YOA13786518EdelynHeartsweetg35Robo2istSambiguityaKhalifa101
    • 741
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    TheRealRHBCpin42Michael_ErhartWigCannonmontaukmonster1747Pylot__________Coastiefish
  • donni
      donni @donni

    You can't spend your whole life gently rollerblading away from your problems

    • 1,712
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    Palazzolo48charlawithaseeyungtessRACH4_theSTARZsanjalokasbigasyourdadBaesiodrewjanda
    • 932
    • RETWEETS
    haleynadolskiyungtessdylan_senscumbagtessaa_bae_baythexx_andyk8_sandersMollyWest_
  • donni
      donni @donni

    "All you need is love," sang the popular millionaires.

    • 1,615
    • LIKES
    SambiguitymarinazetichvivaconnorsummersmichaelbuzzmoranBettina_Mazgothicaseas__TheSplattedOne
    • 754
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    VenusRockHobbit__Benesh_RockabillyJay
  • donni
      donni @donni

    A new study finds that sausages are often linked to other sausages

    • 1,393
    • LIKES
    tabor_smithBryceTy182MariaSGuedesactlikeyoudonoBazGarethJenBandmommarnepfisterEricsonLoupeda
    • 752
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  • donni
      donni @donni

    You guys ever party with bugs

    • 1,503
    • LIKES
    InsulinAddict12TheRealRHBJimboleemthemiltronjakegunstDanKCharnleynatalie_uriebrallonXryden
    • 532
    • RETWEETS
    TheRealRHBkiiraae__andres666basscalthaltmgcNOSUDDENMOVESSeleesanwJustFollownRT
  • donni
      donni @donni

    Time machine jokes aren't funny, you guys. My great grandson dies in a time machine crash.

    • 1,363
    • LIKES
    bebobaluchibaby_alex13nitagaleSwatiWiproaKhalifa101xcarvierAmirTalaiAngelMCastillo
    • 641
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    jaffryanKidBeatnix______Mickey_McCauleygrumsallanyardiganBrandogramszachreinert03TitaniumToplassBlacksbrgmister__clarkekantcravenheart______
  • donni
      donni @donni

    I'm the one who got us into this mess, so I'll be the one who gets us much, much deeper into this mess

    • 1,321
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    ReedHePeedmarinazetichfluttersnipetheredbackpacksarahmariestonedrwyouarestephHiK_Bye
    • 675
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  • donni
      donni @donni

    Can I legally change my name to the same name, but with a bigger font?

    • 1,563
    • LIKES
    ReedHePeedmacchiatonumbClapIfYouAreSadInsulinAddict12punmagnatemarth_burtonTheRealRHBpartiallypro
    • 306
    • RETWEETS
    TheRealRHB__andres666JustFollownRTBonjohhtheipodteacherRlpihlkrishna_vanI_Am_IRONSTARK
    BrandogramsRowdyBowdentigersgoroooarCVTBabyDearNoone
  • donni
      donni @donni

    There’s a lot of good people in the world. 17, maybe more

    • 1,138
    • LIKES
    thespirecraneGPvirkredtaperesiduedimple_craziisamia_chowwahoo_rockmeadeliciamorrisNotEdelweiss
    • 680
    • RETWEETS
    kittycatkait_wahoo_rockmendiquoteJodiSelmanblimeyguvnorSambiguitymadisaawnnisha_29sept
  • donni
      donni @donni

    Wasting my life is taking forever

    • 1,055
    • LIKES
    Starlight2112aKhalifa101vivaconnorfps_kenBeerhazeEamonToPleaseVTrippelChristianHumb23
    • 673
    • RETWEETS
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@donni

@donni Pro

Donni Saphire owns 0 hats, covers current events for @someecards, does standup in Chicago and writes jokes about hats. He loves you.

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