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  • donni
      donni @donni

    Prank your future self by wasting your life

    • 2,494
    • LIKES
    flam_dunkPamelaKubekabaneenerdaniel___mesaAO_Eralou_tredawayTheVaginalistMikey_Fam
    • 1,627
    • RETWEETS
    YasminDjoubaneenerdaniel___mesaTimmy_turner9lilzerefswagprefectCuntosaurtoneroani
  • donni
      donni @donni

    Amish murderers get the acoustic chair.

    • 2,525
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    __Sudani__sankskritMaloVeciGdinkhalidbaradiohenemaaOzzyAsh95tfmoore1998aKhalifa101
    • 1,261
    • RETWEETS
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    coalslagpartiallyproOhNoSheTwitntBrandogramsThisAlexSteinearfdaeElZepet__________GroperClevelandRitleySammichLisaFartedjimmykinkade
  • donni
      donni @donni

    I scream, you scream, we all scream. Life is terrifying

    • 2,063
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    loserrrplantGhosttgalaxyShowpOrShooprandacipDearAuntAbbyDaniel_IsaacsPnefariousrobobrobro
    • 1,661
    • RETWEETS
    trashcat17danny_notdevitoBrandyBeanHinkerandacipDearAuntAbbyraykaroliaVodkowskicommongrrrI
  • donni
      donni @donni

    Slowly, Waldo's wife and Mr. Sandiego started putting the pieces together.

    • 1,889
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    addammgliMessageFun196maleEtCitou_lanyardiganoforoscarandrealortizkattni
    • 1,469
    • RETWEETS
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    jakegunst
  • donni
      donni @donni

    My pessimism has never failed me, but I'm sure someday it will.

    • 2,546
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    takama_ga_hara_Arabella_97lou_tredawayeniolacarrot__Sudani__wesleyscat__najmaaaaysankskrit
    • 685
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  • donni
      donni @donni

    The fact that we don't use towels to dry towels makes me question the value of towels.

    • 2,196
    • LIKES
    mncorbisieroAujuriessokelandiaSwishergirl24prettygoodyearjace_lehmanTrainerBrad808losele
    • 761
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    NoticablyBaconOnThisDayTweet101Raceypudding_clubrad_milkChelseaK22MikeChavisHPE
  • donni
      donni @donni

    ♪ Shot thru the heart, and you're to blame ♫
    ♫ You're the person who shot me ♪

    • 2,022
    • LIKES
    Jewellie99SambiguityBBo232itsnomirayaustvanceAHall88jpndrgrstAJslackie__
    • 884
    • RETWEETS
    corbieBBo232mysticjuicerGregLescoeAHall88LindseyLongbrakAwkwardFemalewesleywyndam
  • donni
      donni @donni

    Choose a job you love and you'll never work a day in your life, because you'll never get that job.

    • 1,815
    • LIKES
    halvarez2610BattleJacquezlotsam0510EllaIbeautymarinazetichaKhalifa101BeerhazeMardigroan
    • 1,068
    • RETWEETS
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    GarbageMystic__JerryThomasgoodburrito__ixSEANxirichmckayChaChaDaly________JuliaEveHays
  • donni
      donni @donni

    If you call Starbucks "Starbs," I hope you get totes murds.

    • 1,749
    • LIKES
    ___immaASSHOLESambiguityamyb7399Sheila_RegansmithboyrdPulchraGealuvmyADHDlaurenegaard
    • 1,047
    • RETWEETS
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    iraihcrecGroperClevelandashgrashsuperduperkewldeKenstructionKevinFrisbee
  • donni
      donni @donni

    The best thing about telepathy is...I know, right?

    • 2,076
    • LIKES
    marinazetichaKhalifa101Redness22GlazerBooHooHooallisonwondercSamReidSaysTheRealKottonPervOna
    • 719
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  • donni
      donni @donni

    Saw a werewolf at the bus stop this morning. Or possibly just a very hairy guy. Either way, the silver bullets worked.

    • 2,005
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    YOA13786518EdelynHeartsweetg35Robo2istSambiguityaKhalifa101candidartichokeSpotTheManiac
    • 741
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    TheRealRHBCpin42Michael_ErhartWigCannonmontaukmonster1747Pylot__________Coastiefish
  • donni
      donni @donni

    You can't spend your whole life gently rollerblading away from your problems

    • 1,712
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    Palazzolo48charlawithaseeyungtessRACH4_theSTARZsanjalokasbigasyourdadBaesiodrewjanda
    • 932
    • RETWEETS
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  • donni
      donni @donni

    "All you need is love," sang the popular millionaires.

    • 1,615
    • LIKES
    SambiguitymarinazetichvivaconnorsummersmichaelbuzzmoranBettina_MazgothicaseasTheSplattedOne
    • 754
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    VenusRockHobbit__Benesh_RockabillyJay
  • donni
      donni @donni

    A new study finds that sausages are often linked to other sausages

    • 1,388
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    • 752
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  • donni
      donni @donni

    You guys ever party with bugs

    • 1,503
    • LIKES
    InsulinAddict12TheRealRHBJimboleemthemiltronjakegunstDanKCharnleynatalie_uriebrallonXryden
    • 532
    • RETWEETS
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  • donni
      donni @donni

    Time machine jokes aren't funny, you guys. My great grandson dies in a time machine crash.

    • 1,362
    • LIKES
    baby_alex13nitagaleSwatiWiproaKhalifa101xcarvierAmirTalaiAngelMCastilloheymonroe
    • 641
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  • donni
      donni @donni

    I'm the one who got us into this mess, so I'll be the one who gets us much, much deeper into this mess

    • 1,321
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    ReedHePeedmarinazetichfluttersnipetheredbackpacksarahmariestonedrwyouarestephHiK_Bye
    • 675
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  • donni
      donni @donni

    Can I legally change my name to the same name, but with a bigger font?

    • 1,563
    • LIKES
    ReedHePeedmacchiatonumbClapIfYouAreSadInsulinAddict12punmagnatemarth_burtonTheRealRHBpartiallypro
    • 306
    • RETWEETS
    TheRealRHB__andres666JustFollownRTBonjohhtheipodteacherRlpihlkrishna_vanI_Am_IRONSTARK
    BrandogramsRowdyBowdentigersgoroooarCVTBabyDearNoone
  • donni
      donni @donni

    There’s a lot of good people in the world. 17, maybe more

    • 1,138
    • LIKES
    thespirecraneGPvirkredtaperesiduedimple_craziisamia_chowwahoo_rockmeadeliciamorrisNotEdelweiss
    • 680
    • RETWEETS
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  • donni
      donni @donni

    Wasting my life is taking forever

    • 1,055
    • LIKES
    Starlight2112aKhalifa101vivaconnorfps_kenBeerhazeEamonToPleaseVTrippelChristianHumb23
    • 673
    • RETWEETS
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@donni

@donni Pro

Donni Saphire owns 0 hats, writes for someecards, tells jokes and hosted the late, lamented Bar 63 Open Mic. Golden Eagle Comedy is coming soon. He loves you.

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