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Okay, we shall bug you no longer
  • donni
      donni @donni

    Prank your future self by wasting your life

    • 2,334
    • FAVS
    Kellybaker_ohServeTheTruthbugsupporterBarryVonAwesomeChartWordkatiexgarciaabbers14Shaunoon
    • 1,512
    • RETWEETS
    AlexWallace_Kellybaker_ohShelby_BelgardeChartWordGinGanderGanderGinTaznim18Shaddy_Eddy
  • donni
      donni @donni

    Amish murderers get the acoustic chair.

    • 2,269
    • FAVS
    jayonguitarDestineyLynnktoabchambonationGoodGrammaritanjohngrady113scarletspyderFredwardSmith31
    • 1,112
    • RETWEETS
    ktoabStantonDariesTMicenheimerDrBedlamDrinkingatWorkrdm_guyconcretesledge_wickedimproper
    OhNoSheTwitntBrandogramsThisAlexSteinearfdaeElZepet__________GroperClevelandRitleySammichLisaFartedjimmykinkade
  • donni
      donni @donni

    My pessimism has never failed me, but I'm sure someday it will.

    • 2,518
    • FAVS
    Bosko_DePompoSupremePianosYOURSSSSTRUELYfav_cositoyvinoliveiradanielabvillabuck4ittJimboleem
    • 664
    • RETWEETS
    Capitalista101CelsoPiazziEmmySLHollyMemphisconstantlyjoshAlexioDelGobboprobablyadogPhineasTPrune
    constantlyjoshtheshantillyquickpooperRatCasketThisAlexSteinElephartUpturnedBathtubTitaniumToplassh_om_ebound______GroperClevelandCrankyPappygirl_eats_worldllvvzzzSaudijoteinmynewskin
  • donni
      donni @donni

    Choose a job you love and you'll never work a day in your life, because you'll never get that job.

    • 1,780
    • FAVS
    tybmxCheeseboy22dz28adamsBosko_DePompowaitingforasignCelsoPiazziQyssesfulmerjk
    • 1,042
    • RETWEETS
    emaglothintybmxA_JahhfiveburgerCelsoPiazziRaydon_Jaimeitsconnorrrashishseven
    GarbageMysticJerryThomasgoodburritoixSEANxirichmckayChaChaDaly________JuliaEveHays
  • donni
      donni @donni

    Slowly, Waldo's wife and Mr. Sandiego started putting the pieces together.

    • 1,495
    • FAVS
    A_JahhBosko_DePompoNoticablyBaconJoshPetersen7Uncle_ChigurhCHIDSPIN___dingoSaraCVT
    • 1,278
    • RETWEETS
    JoshPetersen7djcozmiksymeo___dingoj_freundpapadamgirlhardkorahDaJobes
    jakegunst
  • donni
      donni @donni

    The best thing about telepathy is...I know, right?

    • 1,964
    • FAVS
    timdonakowskithismegganPaulPklaichJimboleemGiftedNappermatthewverygoodBrdnHatesYouvckindron
    • 669
    • RETWEETS
    0BGAYDusty_Knackerssateayam_troyjohnsonbandanacIiffordyass196Music2baptworadicaljocy
    _troyjohnsonjaffryanBigBBanterdiabolicalexsanxsantiagoItsNotDavey______GroperClevelandDudiSharonhaurdCiderMmeLaCrooz
  • donni
      donni @donni

    The fact that we don't use towels to dry towels makes me question the value of towels.

    • 1,801
    • FAVS
    aardvarskmichellemonroeclaudiafulllerCamina_RaeRodeo_BlondieWickusCoetzeejust_evolvedM16_andPregnant
    • 628
    • RETWEETS
    TangoWangoMangomegsturbatebuels45IsabelleGrestbananaflapjack2TyDannaVomitUnicornChrisfromHBSA
    NoticablyBaconblopt101Raceypudding_clubrad_milkChelseaK22MiketheSourcer
  • donni
      donni @donni

    "All you need is love," sang the popular millionaires.

    • 1,379
    • FAVS
    1uellapenismushroomHollyMemphisharryyip97JimboleemJakeEuhusmakerprojectsCAMYEDELCYRUS
    • 655
    • RETWEETS
    AugustVeryOwn20andylilley_TvroarkJewdenSmithgijoemcjennyheisePlattypusSrmemes2k15
    VenusRockHobbit__Benesh_RockabillyJay
  • donni
      donni @donni

    You guys ever party with bugs

    • 1,502
    • FAVS
    JimboleemthemiltronjakegunstDanKCharnleynataliehall2549brallonXrydenmaverlyyMichael_Erhart
    • 531
    • RETWEETS
    punkcorpse0BGAYbasscalthaltmgcchemicllyhowelleleesanwJustFollownRTTigressofZod__
  • donni
      donni @donni

    Saw a werewolf at the bus stop this morning. Or possibly just a very hairy guy. Either way, the silver bullets worked.

    • 1,544
    • FAVS
    michellemonroejust_evolvedM16_andPregnantTangoWangoMangoMadelineElainePfranmer09NoelleBentleybananaflapjack2
    • 418
    • RETWEETS
    TangoWangoMangobananaflapjack2VomitUnicornmorgueshmorgueGumpySarabithewyattferrelltoastermuffin32MuhdAdil
    Michael_ErhartWigCannonmontaukmonster1747Pylot__________Coastiefish
  • donni
      donni @donni

    If you call Starbucks "Starbs," I hope you get totes murds.

    • 1,287
    • FAVS
    JimboleemA__A_PbehindyourbackthemiltronjakegunstDanKCharnleyWanderluciousdreamthievin
    • 597
    • RETWEETS
    arjunskeptic_thedearcalleBerlininatorJustFollownRTPeteHoffman88shenanigansPS_IRuddYou
    mikecerchiariGroperClevelandashgrashsuperduperkewldeKenstructionKevinFrisbee
  • donni
      donni @donni

    Can I legally change my name to the same name, but with a bigger font?

    • 1,555
    • FAVS
    RadioWoodyJimboleemsandwichJOYthemiltronjakegunstWhoopdeedoo22DanKCharnleydreamthievin
    • 305
    • RETWEETS
    0BGAYJustFollownRTBonjohhtheipodteacherRlpihlkrishna_vanI_Am_IRONSTARKHuajatollaChic
    BrandogramsRowdyBowdentigersgoroooarCVTBabyDearNoone
  • donni
      donni @donni

    I'm the one who got us into this mess, so I'll be the one who gets us much, much deeper into this mess

    • 1,118
    • FAVS
    puppetdidinotyetdouglasArykhovGarikgayappareliansandlinClaraWumboIarvaestanedward
    • 623
    • RETWEETS
    nikkksxgayapparelashkepxx_xsspoonletteriimannrlRabidParrotsnintendocashbox
  • donni
      donni @donni

    Wasting my life is taking forever

    • 1,050
    • FAVS
    brotisDavsavil1234JoryMcPheeSpatula_AlexJoshPetersen7suzytaco__tsunamiR_Kools
    • 670
    • RETWEETS
    caseyhatesboystomascztSloppileeJoshPetersen7sythy0BGAYHugoo_Chapadatruth619
  • donni
      donni @donni

    Growing up is when you go from using drugs for fun to using drugs for survival.

    • 1,336
    • FAVS
    JimboleemthemiltronDanKCharnleyKenPowell252weldy930itskushathonRebenokBabyKnrhockey
    • 362
    • RETWEETS
    RebenokBabyKnrhockeycub1fan1962Jogreroll__Jemill13DahFahQusayJustFollownRTliftyourlife
    SaraThomas84lakeanagirlrezsaysCamusOverEasySmethanie
  • donni
      donni @donni

    Time machine jokes aren't funny, you guys. My great grandson dies in a time machine crash.

    • 1,122
    • FAVS
    laughtontweetsJimboleemCoolestDad4RealDrunkReptilecwhudsonJoshBrakthemiltronMorgo_96
    • 473
    • RETWEETS
    poebflaughtontweetsCoolestDad4RealDrunkReptilethemiltronnostromoaningswoonbbystryngtjakegunst
    jaffryanKidBeatnix______Mickey_McCauleygrumpysalmonlanyardiganBrandogramszachreinert03TitaniumToplassBlacksbrgmister__clarkekantcravenheart______
  • donni
      donni @donni

    You can't spend your whole life gently rollerblading away from your problems

    • 1,006
    • FAVS
    A_JahhTheTimeCowboyseancornballmelissawellhamJoshPetersen7Jimboleemdolphinhearts__AngelaSchweers
    • 532
    • RETWEETS
    seancornballmelissawellhamJoshPetersen7kaylaEdaviskaidanalenkosGondavictorhauntednoodleLUVGURL1908
  • donni
      donni @donni

    Quick poll: How could you?

    • 1,012
    • FAVS
    _stopdropnroll_TGhirardelliMilesphendrixmeganlandryyCyd10eJeSupposeshawncarlowLadyYuck
    • 407
    • RETWEETS
    Cyd10eNachoBowldgrbolithMatt_go1elizaschallyx14adecentteaGeriatricBeardsQuindolin
    michaeljdawsonYour_Boy_Dylan
  • donni
      donni @donni

    "Polar bears can't jump." -Black bears

    • 967
    • FAVS
    Jimboleemthemiltronjakegunst___dingoDanKCharnleyGoldenSpiralsRipsnoreJustFollownRT
    • 341
    • RETWEETS
    McMiserableJustFollownRTughHugsnatangueJRrabbithole423HispanicIconrona65notbedelia
    ReesesLocswriteslikehelljoaomatthews_omarcheeriochuckt8081800RandyCJRoberts_DMM____
  • donni
      donni @donni

    I've never seen a chameleon. Good job, chameleons.

    • 705
    • FAVS
    kellyskellyA_JahhScarlettsaid26LethalLabProj__CogitoeDjentle_AutismoJust4funsaVioletMusing
    • 516
    • RETWEETS
    Scarlettsaid26DangerousFrankmesopotyreVioletMusingchrisreinaSon_n_JayCactusWren75toomanytoes
    RueBarb_MattSpencerG______
@donni

@donni
Pro

My name's Donni Saphire. I write jokes here & say comedy on stages. I wanna do your show, sleep on your couch and pet your cat! (podcast linked below)

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