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Prank your future self by wasting your life
Amish murderers get the acoustic chair.
My pessimism has never failed me, but I'm sure someday it will.
Slowly, Waldo's wife and Mr. Sandiego started putting the pieces together.
Choose a job you love and you'll never work a day in your life, because you'll never get that job.
If you call Starbucks "Starbs," I hope you get totes murds.
The best thing about telepathy is...I know, right?
The fact that we don't use towels to dry towels makes me question the value of towels.
"All you need is love," sang the popular millionaires.
Saw a werewolf at the bus stop this morning. Or possibly just a very hairy guy. Either way, the silver bullets worked.
You guys ever party with bugs
Time machine jokes aren't funny, you guys. My great grandson dies in a time machine crash.
Can I legally change my name to the same name, but with a bigger font?
A new study finds that sausages are often linked to other sausages
I'm the one who got us into this mess, so I'll be the one who gets us much, much deeper into this mess
Wasting my life is taking forever
Growing up is when you go from using drugs for fun to using drugs for survival.
Top 5 Zones:
You can't spend your whole life gently rollerblading away from your problems
Quick poll: How could you?
Donni Saphire lives and comedies in Chicago, and also wherever double-deckered Megabuses go. Lists at @someecards, podcast at @MistakesPod (link below)
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