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Slowly, Waldo's wife and Mr. Sandiego started putting the pieces together
My pessimism has never failed me, but I'm sure someday it will.
The best thing about telepathy is...I know, right?
Choose a job you love and you'll never work a day in your life, because you'll never get that job.
The fact that we don't use towels to dry towels makes me question the value of towels.
Amish murderers get the acoustic chair.
Saw a werewolf at the bus stop this morning. Or possibly just a very hairy guy. Either way, the silver bullets worked.
Can I legally change my name to the same name, but with a bigger font?
If you call Starbucks "Starbs," I hope you get totes murds.
Growing up is when you go from using drugs for fun to using drugs for survival.
Time machine jokes aren't funny, you guys. My great grandson dies in a time machine crash.
Quick poll: How could you?
"Polar bears can't jump." -Black bears
I woke up feeling British, melancholy & vaguely homoerotic. Turns out I left the air conditioner on Depeche Mode all night.
Dude, if you really want Jessie's girl, find out her name.
Opposites attract, which is why it sucks to be this handsome.
Overs, Worst To Best:
Sometimes I wrestle with my demons. Sometimes we just snuggle.
I wish I loved anything as much as I hate almost everything.
The people on this bus just need to relax and let me tickle them.
WHAT IS Donni Saphire? WHO ARE standup, open mics, sketches and scripts? WHY DOES Chicago, most nights, for you? OK!