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Slowly, Waldo's wife and Mr. Sandiego started putting the pieces together
My pessimism has never failed me, but I'm sure someday it will.
The best thing about telepathy is...I know, right?
Choose a job you love and you'll never work a day in your life, because you'll never get that job.
The fact that we don't use towels to dry towels makes me question the value of towels.
Amish murderers get the acoustic chair.
Saw a werewolf at the bus stop this morning. Or possibly just a very hairy guy. Either way, the silver bullets worked.
If you call Starbucks "Starbs," I hope you get totes murds.
Can I legally change my name to the same name, but with a bigger font?
Growing up is when you go from using drugs for fun to using drugs for survival.
Time machine jokes aren't funny, you guys. My great grandson dies in a time machine crash.
"Polar bears can't jump." -Black bears
I woke up feeling British, melancholy & vaguely homoerotic. Turns out I left the air conditioner on Depeche Mode all night.
Quick poll: How could you?
Dude, if you really want Jessie's girl, find out her name.
Opposites attract, which is why it sucks to be this handsome.
Overs, Worst To Best:
Sometimes I wrestle with my demons. Sometimes we just snuggle.
I wish I loved anything as much as I hate almost everything.
The people on this bus just need to relax and let me tickle them.
I'm Donni Saphire, jokesayer and bird wrestler. I hover around Second City. Writing and planning new live shows, podcasts and nude encounters. Please love me.