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Prank your future self by wasting your life
Amish murderers get the acoustic chair.
I scream, you scream, we all scream. Life is terrifying
Slowly, Waldo's wife and Mr. Sandiego started putting the pieces together.
My pessimism has never failed me, but I'm sure someday it will.
The fact that we don't use towels to dry towels makes me question the value of towels.
♪ Shot thru the heart, and you're to blame ♫
♫ You're the person who shot me ♪
Choose a job you love and you'll never work a day in your life, because you'll never get that job.
If you call Starbucks "Starbs," I hope you get totes murds.
The best thing about telepathy is...I know, right?
Saw a werewolf at the bus stop this morning. Or possibly just a very hairy guy. Either way, the silver bullets worked.
You can't spend your whole life gently rollerblading away from your problems
"All you need is love," sang the popular millionaires.
A new study finds that sausages are often linked to other sausages
You guys ever party with bugs
Time machine jokes aren't funny, you guys. My great grandson dies in a time machine crash.
I'm the one who got us into this mess, so I'll be the one who gets us much, much deeper into this mess
Can I legally change my name to the same name, but with a bigger font?
There’s a lot of good people in the world. 17, maybe more
Wasting my life is taking forever
Donni Saphire owns 0 hats, covers current events for @someecards, does standup in Chicago and writes jokes about hats. He loves you.
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