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  • donni
      donni @donni

    My pessimism has never failed me, but I'm sure someday it will.

    • 2,420
    • FAVS
    DigitalArkCpin42brubinowMacKooliojohnnycanvasnocturnologychampiozdavidpecar
    • 617
    • RETWEETS
    steve_condraplanetarysheeks__urbandoggehamour_ba7raniKatieBurnettIan_H5gefiltecatHologrxphicgirl
    shashaintlquickpooperfucpkThisAlexSteinElephartUpturnedBathtubTitaniumToplassh_om_ebound______GroperClevelandCrankyPappygirl_eats_worldllvvzzzSaudijoteinmynewskin
  • donni
      donni @donni

    The best thing about telepathy is...I know, right?

    • 1,942
    • FAVS
    DigitalArkDonnie_Fairburnsarcasm_incMacKooliojohnnycanvasPaleoCatLadycmgonzalez77divineem
    • 654
    • RETWEETS
    PaleoCatLadyTeejayRushshwebby3natangueJRgefiltecatkrishna_vangmattcarsonimumof3beauties
    jaffryanBigBBanterdiabolicalexsanxsantiagoItsNotDavey______GroperClevelandDudiSharonhaurdCiderMmeLaCrooz
  • donni
      donni @donni

    Choose a job you love and you'll never work a day in your life, because you'll never get that job.

    • 1,498
    • FAVS
    Cpin42johnnycanvasnocturnologyICountBeansschampiozdavidpecarnishadtrivediFaisalsarwar
    • 942
    • RETWEETS
    liftyourlifeJakeGunstdaniel_frijoleskrishna_vanhildogtweetJaneSays___Roelof_PrinsGenevieve0404
    GarbageMysticJerryThomasVerlierenixSEANxirichmckayChaChaDaly________JuliaEveHays
  • donni
      donni @donni

    Amish murderers get the acoustic chair.

    • 1,658
    • FAVS
    nattiesaaanmomquestionmarkMadie1997kathlikskoolgrlRobbieDeighanSenor_Manoloniezimmermgettingdeephere
    • 772
    • RETWEETS
    flightnovelmsarver425johnnertowngeraldblawN1kolaiBigsby29Simon_Cushingmeaganrosem
    BrandogramsThisAlexSteinearfdaeElZepet__________GroperClevelandvaporcoffinLisaFartedjimmykinkade
  • donni
      donni @donni

    The fact that we don't use towels to dry towels makes me question the value of towels.

    • 1,751
    • FAVS
    ICountBeansschampiozdavidpecarJakeGunstgoodtimenoelcanadianatlargeFaisalsarwarKatieBurnett
    • 607
    • RETWEETS
    canadianatlargeMHanson62Rlpihlkrishna_vanhildogtweetHunnerGoMeowmstluvstrinketsKRISTINB5150
    blopt101Raceypudding_clubrad_milkChelseaK22MiketheSourcer
  • donni
      donni @donni

    Saw a werewolf at the bus stop this morning. Or possibly just a very hairy guy. Either way, the silver bullets worked.

    • 1,502
    • FAVS
    DigitalArkMacKooliodavidpecargoodtimenoelnishadtrivedicanadianatlargeFaisalsarwarKatieBurnett
    • 399
    • RETWEETS
    krishna_vanComedians4CJaneSays___eborg01iwearaonesieDingliTweetsPS_IRuddYouericmabbott
    WigCannonmontaukmonster1747Pylot__________Coastiefish
  • donni
      donni @donni

    If you call Starbucks "Starbs," I hope you get totes murds.

    • 1,271
    • FAVS
    sorina_xoEmmaCummingzvanessaregantiCateChristietrisharolfecibelllesdarth__mouth_ILLTECH
    • 589
    • RETWEETS
    biancuhbAtSignMaudeRusssssssssssslalexknighttt_MJoftheday_sarahpatersontrisharolfe_ILLTECH
    mikecerchiariGroperClevelandashgrashsuperduperkewldeKenstructionKevinFrisbee
  • donni
      donni @donni

    Can I legally change my name to the same name, but with a bigger font?

    • 1,543
    • FAVS
    davidpecarcanadianatlargeBonjohhkennymlekotheipodteacherRlpihlEdDJGexkrishna_van
    • 303
    • RETWEETS
    BonjohhtheipodteacherRlpihlkrishna_vanI_Am_IRONSTARKHuajatollaChicNeuronicismJaneSays___
    BrandogramsRowdyBowdentigersgoroooarCVTBabyDearNoone
  • donni
      donni @donni

    Growing up is when you go from using drugs for fun to using drugs for survival.

    • 1,322
    • FAVS
    bradcesanekGerntTNgoodtimenoelcanadianatlargeWhoopdeedoo22krishna_vanMaiNKooLAiDalesaenzb
    • 355
    • RETWEETS
    liftyourlifeTylerHickson71goodtimenoelthediwyagbmillsbucalemJaneSays___eborg01
    SaraThomas84lakeanagirlrezsaysNowAPiscesSmethanie
  • donni
      donni @donni

    Time machine jokes aren't funny, you guys. My great grandson dies in a time machine crash.

    • 1,092
    • FAVS
    MikeDeLaManchaheatlebjornWhatevaConcchampiozgoodtimenoelgefiltecatEdDJGexkrishna_van
    • 448
    • RETWEETS
    Boney_CadwellWhatevaConcsee8875larslentzsunilbernardkwaggoner40rogerclarkcwincz
    jaffryanKidBeatnix______Mickey_McCauleygrumpysalmonlanyardiganBrandogramszachreinert03TitaniumToplassBlacksbrgmister__clarkekantcravenheart______
  • donni
      donni @donni

    Slowly, Waldo's wife and Mr. Sandiego started putting the pieces together.

    • 771
    • FAVS
    aubs_mcmaecarlykenACityMouseswilkesemsmodernlifecrounsa810fyzzgiggidyzacechola
    • 676
    • RETWEETS
    SweetBiAndBiACityMouseRobWagner79crounsa810fyzzgiggidyhearsegirlTeejayRushjaparsons
  • donni
      donni @donni

    "Polar bears can't jump." -Black bears

    • 959
    • FAVS
    dreamthievinHahaKissKisskrishna_vanrabbithole423KristieKane72____crazyolmanrona65K_blue
    • 339
    • RETWEETS
    ughHugsnatangueJRrabbithole423HispanicIconrona65notbedeliaOutOfLeftField_kellyskelly
    ReesesLocswriteslikehelljoaomatthews_JiminyKicksItchuckt8081800RandyCJRoberts_DMM____
  • donni
      donni @donni

    Quick poll: How could you?

    • 915
    • FAVS
    liftyourlifesplooskHome_HalfwaychampiozEamonToPleasegoodtimenoelEricaLynnzgefiltecat
    • 357
    • RETWEETS
    gefiltecatButtvizjumpdasharkDenverForDinnerRyan_Man2THEJaimeSantosjaffryanTheSelfieGod
    michaeljdawsonYour_Boy_Dylan
  • donni
      donni @donni

    I woke up feeling British, melancholy & vaguely homoerotic. Turns out I left the air conditioner on Depeche Mode all night.

    • 944
    • FAVS
    davidpecargoodtimenoelkrishna_vanJohn26649305JaneSays___ButtvizGenevieve0404Burds_1
    • 213
    • RETWEETS
    natangueJRJaneSays___TeejayRushWhimsical84fuzypeachhansgullicksonIsimiezJenk3
    m0hammedwarsame
  • donni
      donni @donni

    Dude, if you really want Jessie's girl, find out her name.

    • 965
    • FAVS
    champiozEamonToPleasegoodtimenoelmaadel3inedreamthievinWhoopdeedoo22krishna_vanmattepp
    • 143
    • RETWEETS
    angelaafleming__coxwalfemaledonkey10sophiascalzojinkiescoobreefergyratorshutupmikeginnJaneSays___
    adamlucidilawyerthoughtsletsgetgizzy
  • donni
      donni @donni

    Some veggie chips retain their native vegetable flavor and some just taste like salty potato chips. Those are the ones I like. I am America.

    • 860
    • FAVS
    jumpdasharkchampiozdavidpecardreamthievinMeganKT04lily_MCRmyKilljoyJosiekrishna_van
    • 243
    • RETWEETS
    sassieclassissoulpxnkeraCaitDillondengekixenahypnoticspxlls666Bad_Wolf777Katieingham4RachaelSterling
  • donni
      donni @donni

    Opposites attract, which is why it sucks to be this handsome.

    • 873
    • FAVS
    fjmikacviptandondarlingshelly72champiozdavidpecargoodtimenoelnishadtrivedicanadianatlarge
    • 154
    • RETWEETS
    darlingshelly72steve_condracanadianatlargeJaneSays___Universal_Kilzkimmartinezz_larryrotherAmyJPrater
    fred_dogMiketheSourcer
  • donni
      donni @donni

    Overs, Worst To Best:
    1) Comb
    2) Hang
    3) Left
    4) Make
    5) Sleep

    • 806
    • FAVS
    MacKooliochampiozEamonToPleaseJohn26649305JaneSays___twntysvnwesjohnson8Genevieve0404
    • 169
    • RETWEETS
    JaneSays___jumpdasharkcmcraesclareewingThe_BREZidentSpeckleDwarfTweeterRaterCoco_Shreddies
    ObeseVeganWordsOfaHooker
  • donni
      donni @donni

    "All you need is love," sang the popular millionaires.

    • 648
    • FAVS
    looney_bingoodtimenoelTaryn_GatesdreamthievinzaccolaobradcesanekWhoopdeedoo22kellyskelly
    • 305
    • RETWEETS
    TinaPorrecaabradcesanekMs_Gainsbourg____JaneSays___becausehumanImJasonMangyungdad_analfluid
    Benesh_RockabillyJay
  • donni
      donni @donni

    Sometimes I wrestle with my demons. Sometimes we just snuggle.

    • 730
    • FAVS
    nishadtrivediJohn26649305JaneSays___wesjohnson8Genevieve0404Burds_1milbucksfan03edbriton
    • 209
    • RETWEETS
    natangueJRJaneSays___megsturbatemsjsfshggpeace1980truecoconut1964krushhhhhhTrending_India
    lakeanagirlMankaCat_FitsNShits
@donni

@donni
Pro

My name is Donni Saphire. I write jokes and yell them at strangers. Hardcore rap and Mary J. Blige records, the god gon' snap, I'm waving the five reckless