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  • donni
      donni @donni

    Slowly, Waldo's wife and Mr. Sandiego started putting the pieces together

    • 6,352
    • FAVS
    mplsmavenhelenabooneThebanjohypeHotAsPuckLukeBryanSucksRyanWatt9abhi_1kingAndrewShepard86
    • 6,944
    • RETWEETS
    HollyMichelleSCmeaganh757_halestorm3N1ck0fT1m3CU_SlamLukeBryanSucksKoda_MNBigSteve211
    ConstantlyjoshthatUPSdudeTwisted_MettlePlaying_Dadstuartcraigsentientsnorkelinmynewskinezeddalypudding_clubzapmyassduplicitronKyle_LippertcurlycomedyBrandograms
  • donni
      donni @donni

    My pessimism has never failed me, but I'm sure someday it will.

    • 2,293
    • FAVS
    bcuz_noDanKCharnleynot_so_supermomMrSavageRabbitGenevieve0404AndrewShepard86KidBeatnix________tarashoe
    • 566
    • RETWEETS
    MilkshakeAnyone__Genevieve0404KidBeatnix________t_hillzNotTravisAllensimongortzzallyouneedisdvndoeeeee
    AllanCresswellratcasketThisAlexSteinElephartActingAnEejitTitaniumToplassh_om_ebound______GroperClevelandCrankyPappygirl_eats_worldllvvzzzSaudijoteinmynewskin
  • donni
      donni @donni

    The best thing about telepathy is...I know, right?

    • 1,911
    • FAVS
    DanKCharnleyGenevieve0404AndrewShepard86milbucksfan03KidBeatnix________GrahamDamnitanthony_ruddtarashoe
    • 643
    • RETWEETS
    olivineeyeskissmeimapirateJack_Wagon169shadesoftaarLadyEGreensleybridgetdunklaut_hillzImaFlyontheWall
    jaffryanBigBBanterdiabolicalexsanxsantiagoItsNotDavey______GroperClevelandDudiSharonhaurdCiderMmeLaCrooz
  • donni
      donni @donni

    Choose a job you love and you'll never work a day in your life, because you'll never get that job.

    • 1,478
    • FAVS
    iamjoekovacsDanKCharnleyRoelof_Prinsnot_so_supermomMetalligretchblessedbirdiGenevieve0404Burds_1
    • 937
    • RETWEETS
    Roelof_PrinsGenevieve0404gsodohN8GrievekindofdeviantScoobdoobleskneesocks54Jack_Wagon1
    GarbageMysticJerryThomasVerlierenixSEANxirichmckayChaChaDaly________JuliaEveHays
  • donni
      donni @donni

    The fact that we don't use towels to dry towels makes me question the value of towels.

    • 1,720
    • FAVS
    ikketeftilikeyouguyscunningweavercarlycatsellanoheatstrokingeitanvinceliottamudkipforlife
    • 594
    • RETWEETS
    vinceliottamudkipforlifeNietAsianmarcelolosabeLittleMohicanSteussiereajayyserrotnodnarb
    blopt101Raceypudding_clubrad_milkChelseaK22Brad_Spitts
  • donni
      donni @donni

    Amish murderers get the acoustic chair.

    • 1,354
    • FAVS
    mitchlaroweVadneyWilllzuber17DanKCharnleyGenevieve0404LadyVodkaxByeBlackbirdyKidBeatnix________
    • 632
    • RETWEETS
    lzuber17vivianadgafgsodohyaboycumcumRachologyWILEY_C0y0teLadyVodkaxKidBeatnix________
    BrandogramsThisAlexSteinearfdaeElZepet__________GroperClevelandRitleySammichLisaFartedjimmykinkade
  • donni
      donni @donni

    Saw a werewolf at the bus stop this morning. Or possibly just a very hairy guy. Either way, the silver bullets worked.

    • 1,482
    • FAVS
    Genevieve0404KidBeatnix________dadakindavio1962Mooperpookieeborg01underdougsDee_Aye_Bee
    • 396
    • RETWEETS
    eborg01iwearaonesieDingliTweetsPS_IRuddYouericmabbottjm_dangerd_smith77chris_m_fanelli
    WigCannonmontaukmonster1747Pylot__________Coastiefish
  • donni
      donni @donni

    Can I legally change my name to the same name, but with a bigger font?

    • 1,530
    • FAVS
    Genevieve0404milbucksfan03dadakinJack_Wagon1Brock_Whitfieldapopagasmeborg01BromanConsul
    • 294
    • RETWEETS
    eborg01glo_stevenstocelynjuckerItsAlliegatorPaperWashMamuduWaoNFronksUFOTaylor
    BrandogramsRowdyBowdentigersgoroooarCVTBabyDearNoone
  • donni
      donni @donni

    If you call Starbucks "Starbs," I hope you get totes murds.

    • 1,240
    • FAVS
    twntysvnGenevieve0404kristinauokJack_Wagon1StephenBCramermikemanciniDee_Aye_BeePaperWash
    • 565
    • RETWEETS
    normajestyMalekToshanimetapostasyeatcactiLibyaLibertyBoognishDconrcLiveLoveARob
    terrificmichaelGroperClevelandashgrashsuperduperkewldeKenstructionKevinFrisbee
  • donni
      donni @donni

    Growing up is when you go from using drugs for fun to using drugs for survival.

    • 1,303
    • FAVS
    drewjandaGenevieve0404dadakinredpawn3pangieeveeJack_Wagon1Brock_Whitfieldeborg01
    • 348
    • RETWEETS
    eborg01HestiaApollo1knotwholetocelynjuckergrasshopperemmyPaperWashConstantlyjosheye_like_sharx
    SaraThomas84lakeanagirlrezsaysNowAPiscesSmethanie
  • donni
      donni @donni

    Time machine jokes aren't funny, you guys. My great grandson dies in a time machine crash.

    • 1,072
    • FAVS
    pantsahoydrewjandaRoelof_PrinsPc7918BRADWigCannonjaffryanBurds_1ntithesis
    • 437
    • RETWEETS
    Roelof_PrinsGenevieve0404jaffryanKidBeatnix________69shadesoftaarkerrygibzonAndyGHKTweetLetdownLizzie
    jaffryanKidBeatnix________Mickey_McCauleygrumpysalmonlanyardiganBrandogramszachreinert03TitaniumToplassBlacksbrgmister__clarkekantcravenheart______
  • donni
      donni @donni

    "Polar bears can't jump." -Black bears

    • 942
    • FAVS
    CJPepperGirlSouthernLady328MeowMeowKittie1marissacincolaSamMari3NotReallyLibyJitherJewabbeytude
    • 327
    • RETWEETS
    Waynebernard71MeowMeowKittie1JitherJewrvca947kelley_robertsEvery1_HatesAjakiers10wilsonchiweethedog
    ReesesLocswriteslikehelljoaomatthews_JiminyKicksItchuckt8081800RandyCJRoberts_DMM____
  • donni
      donni @donni

    Quick poll: How could you?

    • 906
    • FAVS
    ButtvizGenevieve0404Burds_1ntithesisElenaChristiePurlddick_ishJack_Wagon1
    • 356
    • RETWEETS
    Buttvizdick_ishDenverForDinnerRyan_Man2JaimeSantosCTjaffryanTheSelfieGodeye_like_sharx
    michaeljdawsonYour_Boy_Dylan
  • donni
      donni @donni

    I woke up feeling British, melancholy & vaguely homoerotic. Turns out I left the air conditioner on Depeche Mode all night.

    • 940
    • FAVS
    ButtvizGenevieve0404Burds_1ntithesisKidBeatnix________dadakinpangieeveeJack_Wagon1
    • 211
    • RETWEETS
    TeejayRushWhimsical84alyssalenehansgullicksonIsimiezJenk3Iain_HoustonMattSoar
    m0hammedwarsame
  • donni
      donni @donni

    Dude, if you really want Jessie's girl, find out her name.

    • 946
    • FAVS
    wesjohnson8spode411theguydfComedians4Cnot_so_supermommentalbillnessMetalligretchntithesis
    • 135
    • RETWEETS
    Comedians4CGenevieve0404dick_ishGanderGinClassicKimbaPowon_AdHocMamaalicekilborn
    adamlucidilawyerthoughtsletsgetgizzy
  • donni
      donni @donni

    Opposites attract, which is why it sucks to be this handsome.

    • 860
    • FAVS
    GiddythefuckupAlexanderFIVa_garland3MeowMeowKittie1ElizabethDowniekerissmithJAlarryrotherAl_toMyFriends
    • 150
    • RETWEETS
    Universal_Kilzkimmartinezz_larryrotherAmyJPraterDilly_D_WhervrIMayRoamSmbewl01Bewleycatcerveny
    fred_dogBrad_Spitts
  • donni
      donni @donni

    Overs, Worst To Best:
    1) Comb
    2) Hang
    3) Left
    4) Make
    5) Sleep

    • 801
    • FAVS
    twntysvnwesjohnson8Genevieve0404KidBeatnix________stigma_philArtIsMyPornJack_Wagon1Brock_Whitfield
    • 168
    • RETWEETS
    dick_ishcmcraesclareewingThe_BREZidentSpeckleDwarfTweeterRaterCoco_ShreddiesBrewsker
    ObeseVeganWordsOfaHooker
  • donni
      donni @donni

    "All you need is love," sang the popular millionaires.

    • 637
    • FAVS
    big_dog1998jodie_harpbecausehumanviolentbukkakeAuteurMicImJasonMangHarleyDelReyallisonisawful
    • 303
    • RETWEETS
    becausehumanImJasonMangcaps_Iockanalfluidjamescurry42JZsBBQHellburger99D_Quad
    badtweetingRockabillyJay
  • donni
      donni @donni

    Sometimes I wrestle with my demons. Sometimes we just snuggle.

    • 727
    • FAVS
    wesjohnson8Genevieve0404Burds_1milbucksfan03edbritonArs1anSpotTheManiac_Ms_Moneypenny_
    • 207
    • RETWEETS
    megsturbatemsjmrshggpeace1980truecoconut1964krushhhhhhTrending_Indiag0ddessofwisdommadre702
    lakeanagirlMankaCat_FitsNShits
  • donni
      donni @donni

    I wish I loved anything as much as I hate almost everything.

    • 695
    • FAVS
    wesjohnson8Genevieve0404Burds_1DreamExplosiveclaireabelle070ashhenson2011dominos197822XclairemckX
    • 224
    • RETWEETS
    danieldcolvinsexncakedominos197822Waryn_KillianSilverBadgerdick_ishtruthbombsMentatMode
    Donnie_FairburnRitleySammich
@donni

@donni
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WHAT IS Donni Saphire? WHO ARE standup, open mics, sketches and scripts? WHY DOES Chicago, most nights, for you? OK!