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Okay, we shall bug you no longer
  • donni
      donni @donni

    Prank your future self by wasting your life

    • 2,474
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    ur_fav_leosouthlamarbeastlenaloveslivicaitlynjordaanAttention4KaicopytyperAntonKaevenheimalexplutzer
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  • donni
      donni @donni

    Amish murderers get the acoustic chair.

    • 2,516
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    juliepie76omg_wtfrankyDuranPeterBrettDruckfinn665wolverine_steveTwoSapphiresBluTwitresbot
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  • donni
      donni @donni

    My pessimism has never failed me, but I'm sure someday it will.

    • 2,527
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    a_cute_bugMardigroanMariaHeineggClapIfYouAreSadrembikelarivergirlWillie_is_KingTheRealRHB
    • 669
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  • donni
      donni @donni

    Slowly, Waldo's wife and Mr. Sandiego started putting the pieces together.

    • 1,731
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    BrookeTuzilprrgoFlamingKazinTheThingsOfStufJustCallMeFrankmarklombardozziconnormcspaddenjerrybattiste
    • 1,379
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    jakegunst
  • donni
      donni @donni

    Choose a job you love and you'll never work a day in your life, because you'll never get that job.

    • 1,809
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    BeerhazeMardigroangarnettlMs_naomykVTrippelMariaHeineggafrikaboombatafilmmakerRNO
    • 1,067
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    GarbageMysticJerryThomasgoodburrito__ixSEANxirichmckayChaChaDaly________JuliaEveHays
  • donni
      donni @donni

    The best thing about telepathy is...I know, right?

    • 2,074
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    Redness22GlazerBooHooHooallisonwondercSamReidSaysTheRealKottonPervOnaTheNewerMeMermaidintheUSA
    • 718
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    _troyjohnsonjaffryanFRIDAYSWITHBIGBdiabolicalexwlfzeitItsNotDavey______GroperClevelandDudiSharonhaurdCiderMmeLaCrooz
  • donni
      donni @donni

    If you call Starbucks "Starbs," I hope you get totes murds.

    • 1,743
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    luvmyADHDlaurenegaardblairelisem_8Ryan_GoetzwallboatJust_that_guy7sllevsemmybeccawoonie
    • 1,045
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  • donni
      donni @donni

    Saw a werewolf at the bus stop this morning. Or possibly just a very hairy guy. Either way, the silver bullets worked.

    • 1,865
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    chelah_reezBounse44ixix82SteveThomas67sassysaucesimonNotRamiePerrynourtney21SeanWestaway
    • 607
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    TheRealRHBCpin42Michael_ErhartWigCannonmontaukmonster1747Pylot__________Coastiefish
  • donni
      donni @donni

    The fact that we don't use towels to dry towels makes me question the value of towels.

    • 1,827
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    Abdalrahman_A_AclairecdownsMariaHeineggClapIfYouAreSadrembikelarivergirlInsulinAddict12psycharella
    • 636
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  • donni
      donni @donni

    "All you need is love," sang the popular millionaires.

    • 1,612
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    summersmichaelbuzzmoranBettina_MazgothicaseasTheSplattedOneYourComicMuseyerbasuenanickeldchum
    • 754
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    Abdalrahman_A_AYuppigymbobdcongdonStaxLastTweetddbrackettTheDairylandDonZaneNash14MariaHeinegg
    VenusRockHobbit__Benesh_RockabillyJay__
  • donni
      donni @donni

    ♪ Shot thru the heart, and you're to blame ♫
    ♫ You're the person who shot me ♪

    • 1,492
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    mattchewyreaAllenWSnyderTJCo4YesThatGiraffeMonstadOzolinsEricReadGarnerRWouldhousetheabair
    • 662
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  • donni
      donni @donni

    You guys ever party with bugs

    • 1,503
    • LIKES
    InsulinAddict12TheRealRHBJimboleemthemiltronjakegunstDanKCharnleynatalie_uriebrallonXryden
    • 532
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  • donni
      donni @donni

    Time machine jokes aren't funny, you guys. My great grandson dies in a time machine crash.

    • 1,358
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    xcarvierAmirTalaiAngelMCastilloheymonroenedostupchaddenickRadDauksyteherro_hotcakes
    • 638
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    jaffryanKidBeatnix______Mickey_McCauleymatthatestweetslanyardiganBrandogramszachreinert03TitaniumToplassBlacksbrgmister__clarkekantcravenheart______
  • donni
      donni @donni

    A new study finds that sausages are often linked to other sausages

    • 1,276
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    • 704
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  • donni
      donni @donni

    Can I legally change my name to the same name, but with a bigger font?

    • 1,561
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    ClapIfYouAreSadInsulinAddict12punmagnatemarth_burtonTheRealRHBpartiallyproRadioWoodyJimboleem
    • 306
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    TheRealRHB__andres666JustFollownRTBonjohhtheipodteacherRlpihlkrishna_vanI_Am_IRONSTARK
    BrandogramsRowdyBowdentigersgoroooarCVTBabyDearNoone
  • donni
      donni @donni

    I'm the one who got us into this mess, so I'll be the one who gets us much, much deeper into this mess

    • 1,121
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    BeerhazeVTrippelAmburglar_kayjoonKittenWrittenMariaHeineggpunmagnateAnthonyBurgett
    • 625
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  • donni
      donni @donni

    Wasting my life is taking forever

    • 1,053
    • LIKES
    fps_kenBeerhazeEamonToPleaseVTrippelChristianHumb23Amburglar_clairecdownsMariaHeinegg
    • 672
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  • donni
      donni @donni

    Growing up is when you go from using drugs for fun to using drugs for survival.

    • 1,347
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    VTrippelPatcastxKittenWrittenMariaHeineggClapIfYouAreSadMarkJHadfieldInsulinAddict12LadyofCinema
    • 365
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  • donni
      donni @donni

    Kill two birds with one stone, get two life sentences. In bird court. Where birds get justice

    • 1,106
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    DickFurariizzysufhanjobanjog_xsmxrjtschoJgoose02yamaofparadise_garyoneill
    • 506
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  • donni
      donni @donni

    Top 5 Zones:
    5) Friend
    4) Danger
    3) Auto
    2) Cal
    1) Bone

    • 1,194
    • LIKES
    HughesJordanBeerhazeMattDelaney3bigtim3645MariaHeineggClapIfYouAreSadpartiallyproJoeAhhKnee
    • 418
    • RETWEETS
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@donni

@donni Pro

Donni Saphire owns 0 hats, does standup comedy and writes for several websites. His DMs are open and his heart is closed.

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