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  • donni
      donni @donni

    My pessimism has never failed me, but I'm sure someday it will.

    • 2,422
    • FAVS
    JustFollownRTKhrisWarholDigitalArkCpin42brubinowMacKooliojohnnycanvasnocturnology
    • 621
    • RETWEETS
    notperfect_gurlAlbitulunhisk8uglyskull_JustFollownRTsteve_condraplanetarysheeks__urbandoggehamour_ba7rani
    shashaintlquickpooperfucpkThisAlexSteinElephartUpturnedBathtubTitaniumToplassh_om_ebound______GroperClevelandCrankyPappygirl_eats_worldllvvzzzSaudijoteinmynewskin
  • donni
      donni @donni

    The best thing about telepathy is...I know, right?

    • 1,948
    • FAVS
    JustFollownRTHeltonKGoinsCrawford_JPomegrenede__Hi_I_DontCareKhrisWarholDigitalArkDonnie_Fairburn
    • 659
    • RETWEETS
    JustFollownRTmadison_feltonHeltonKGoinsmikeymaynardKhrisWarholPaleoCatLadyTeejayRushshwebby3
    jaffryanBigBBanterdiabolicalexsanxsantiagoItsNotDavey______GroperClevelandDudiSharonhaurdCiderMmeLaCrooz
  • donni
      donni @donni

    Amish murderers get the acoustic chair.

    • 1,764
    • FAVS
    JustFollownRTBillyScafuriChrlsGrnbrgKellblanch22justKilieHeltonKGoinsDylie_WylieDefUSK
    • 837
    • RETWEETS
    TheeNateBlackfazmatic9mae_marsdi0__0ibKhrisWarholmikewaldron115CallieKWBYmichelea2204
    BrandogramsThisAlexSteinearfdaeElZepet__________GroperClevelandvaporcoffinLisaFartedjimmykinkade
  • donni
      donni @donni

    Choose a job you love and you'll never work a day in your life, because you'll never get that job.

    • 1,504
    • FAVS
    trillestzugdefelsenJustFollownRTHeltonKGoinsCrawford_JKhrisWarholCpin42johnnycanvas
    • 944
    • RETWEETS
    JustFollownRTCrawford_JKhrisWarholliftyourlifeJakeGunstdaniel_frijoleskrishna_vanhildogtweet
    GarbageMystic__JerryThomasVerlierenixSEANxirichmckayChaChaDaly________JuliaEveHays
  • donni
      donni @donni

    The fact that we don't use towels to dry towels makes me question the value of towels.

    • 1,755
    • FAVS
    JustFollownRTHeltonKGoinsthoai3000KhrisWarholICountBeansschampiozdavidpecarJakeGunst
    • 613
    • RETWEETS
    SexxxyReddd09JustFollownRTLaPorte_DanielEelijahJordanthoai3000KhrisWarholcanadianatlargeMHanson62
    blopt101Raceypudding_clubrad_milkChelseaK22MiketheSourcer
  • donni
      donni @donni

    You guys ever party with bugs

    • 1,496
    • FAVS
    JustFollownRTRianneRawrVikaLeonova1todoesgayHosmerHozGlover_Lehemo_trashicyiero
    • 529
    • RETWEETS
    eleesanwJustFollownRTProphetmassacreMYCHEMlCALCALUMicyieroavirai_TFiOS20alyssavolkman
  • donni
      donni @donni

    Saw a werewolf at the bus stop this morning. Or possibly just a very hairy guy. Either way, the silver bullets worked.

    • 1,503
    • FAVS
    JustFollownRTDigitalArkMacKooliodavidpecargoodtimenoelnishadtrivedicanadianatlargeFaisalsarwar
    • 399
    • RETWEETS
    krishna_vanComedians4CJaneSays___eborg01iwearaonesieDingliTweetsPS_IRuddYouericmabbott
    WigCannonmontaukmonster1747Pylot__________Coastiefish
  • donni
      donni @donni

    If you call Starbucks "Starbs," I hope you get totes murds.

    • 1,276
    • FAVS
    JustFollownRTPeteHoffmanhythemafiaPS_IRuddYouKhrisWarholsorina_xoEmmaCummingzvanessareganti
    • 593
    • RETWEETS
    JustFollownRTPeteHoffman88shenanigansPS_IRuddYoubiancuhbAtSignMaudeRusssssssssssslalexknighttt_
    mikecerchiariGroperClevelandashgrashsuperduperkewldeKenstructionKevinFrisbee
  • donni
      donni @donni

    Can I legally change my name to the same name, but with a bigger font?

    • 1,546
    • FAVS
    RipsnoreJustFollownRTjackpmgdavidpecarcanadianatlargeBonjohhkennymlekotheipodteacher
    • 304
    • RETWEETS
    JustFollownRTBonjohhtheipodteacherRlpihlkrishna_vanI_Am_IRONSTARKHuajatollaChicNeuronicism
    BrandogramsRowdyBowdentigersgoroooarCVTBabyDearNoone
  • donni
      donni @donni

    Growing up is when you go from using drugs for fun to using drugs for survival.

    • 1,323
    • FAVS
    JustFollownRTbradcesanekGerntTNgoodtimenoelcanadianatlargeWhoopdeedoo22krishna_vanTommyyBitchh
    • 356
    • RETWEETS
    JustFollownRTliftyourlifeTylerHickson71goodtimenoelthediwyagbmillsbucalemJaneSays___
    SaraThomas84lakeanagirlrezsaysNowAPiscesSmethanie
  • donni
      donni @donni

    Time machine jokes aren't funny, you guys. My great grandson dies in a time machine crash.

    • 1,099
    • FAVS
    JustFollownRTGuyNextDoorHeSamMorse9RealFatmanMo5esdeph_hpedComedians4CMikeDeLaMancha
    • 453
    • RETWEETS
    shaunburtondumbEmilyGonzalez14ayeecanadiannComedians4CRyaneilCentinoBoney_CadwellWhatevaConcsee8875
    jaffryanKidBeatnix______Mickey_McCauleygrumpysalmonlanyardiganBrandogramszachreinert03TitaniumToplassBlacksbrgmister__clarkekantcravenheart______
  • donni
      donni @donni

    Slowly, Waldo's wife and Mr. Sandiego started putting the pieces together.

    • 778
    • FAVS
    JustFollownRTMoonMetropolistomcat340aubs_mcmaecarlykenACityMouseswilkesemsmodernlife
    • 676
    • RETWEETS
    MoonMetropolisSweetBiAndBiACityMouseRobWagner79crounsa810fyzzgiggidyhearsegirlTeejayRush
  • donni
      donni @donni

    "Polar bears can't jump." -Black bears

    • 961
    • FAVS
    RipsnoreJustFollownRTdreamthievinHahaKissKisskrishna_vanrabbithole423KristieKane72____crazyolman
    • 340
    • RETWEETS
    JustFollownRTughHugsnatangueJRrabbithole423HispanicIconrona65notbedeliaOutOfLeftField_
    ReesesLocswriteslikehelljoaomatthews_JiminyKicksItchuckt8081800RandyCJRoberts_DMM____
  • donni
      donni @donni

    Quick poll: How could you?

    • 916
    • FAVS
    JustFollownRTliftyourlifesplooskHome_HalfwaychampiozEamonToPleasegoodtimenoelEricaLynnz
    • 358
    • RETWEETS
    JustFollownRTgefiltecatButtvizjumpdasharkDenverForDinnerRyan_Man2THEJaimeSantosjaffryan
    michaeljdawsonYour_Boy_Dylan
  • donni
      donni @donni

    I woke up feeling British, melancholy & vaguely homoerotic. Turns out I left the air conditioner on Depeche Mode all night.

    • 945
    • FAVS
    JustFollownRTdavidpecargoodtimenoelkrishna_vanJohn26649305JaneSays___ButtvizGenevieve0404
    • 213
    • RETWEETS
    natangueJRJaneSays___TeejayRushWhimsical84fuzypeachhansgullicksonIsimiezJenk3
    m0hammedwarsame
  • donni
      donni @donni

    Dude, if you really want Jessie's girl, find out her name.

    • 972
    • FAVS
    JustFollownRTTheBryanPowellLisa_Pisa_LovesiempredelilahEKalina_OfficialPicklesnPicklesplainjane9erchampioz
    • 147
    • RETWEETS
    Kalina_OfficialPicklesnPicklesplainjane9erPS_IRuddYouangelaafleming__coxwalfemaledonkey10sophiascalzo
    adamlucidilawyerthoughtsletsgetgizzy
  • donni
      donni @donni

    Some veggie chips retain their native vegetable flavor and some just taste like salty potato chips. Those are the ones I like. I am America.

    • 862
    • FAVS
    crashedbubbaJustFollownRTPS_IRuddYoujumpdasharkchampiozdavidpecardreamthievinMeganKT04
    • 244
    • RETWEETS
    JustFollownRTsassieclassissoulpxnkeraCaitDillondengekixenahypnoticspxlls666Bad_Wolf777Katieingham4
  • donni
      donni @donni

    Opposites attract, which is why it sucks to be this handsome.

    • 878
    • FAVS
    JustFollownRTDetroitGirl_ludusaitplainjane9erPS_IRuddYoufjmikacviptandondarlingshelly72
    • 161
    • RETWEETS
    HpauliiiJustFollownRT1dayDammitDetroitGirl_Kalina_Officialplainjane9erPS_IRuddYoudarlingshelly72
    fred_dogMiketheSourcer
  • donni
      donni @donni

    Overs, Worst To Best:
    1) Comb
    2) Hang
    3) Left
    4) Make
    5) Sleep

    • 809
    • FAVS
    TheLife_OfABritericaa_mariee16JustFollownRTMacKooliochampiozEamonToPleaseJohn26649305JaneSays___
    • 170
    • RETWEETS
    JustFollownRTJaneSays___jumpdasharkcmcraesclareewingThe_BREZidentSpeckleDwarfTweeterRater
    ObeseVeganWordsOfaHooker
  • donni
      donni @donni

    "All you need is love," sang the popular millionaires.

    • 653
    • FAVS
    defelsenissaballatoAJ_BankSyJustFollownRTMoonMetropolislooney_bingoodtimenoelTaryn_Gates
    • 306
    • RETWEETS
    JustFollownRTMoonMetropolisTinaPorrecaabradcesanekMs_Gainsbourg____JaneSays___becausehumanImJasonMang
    Benesh_RockabillyJay
@donni

@donni
Pro

My name is Donni Saphire. I write jokes and yell them at strangers. Hardcore rap and Mary J. Blige records, the god gon' snap, I'm waving the five reckless