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Got disgustingly spoilt by boyfriend for my birthday. He built a bookshelf and filled it with books and plants and gifts. Cried a bit.
Just whispered, "I bought you with my dirty barista money" in my dog's ear. I'm fine.
Like, thanks for the heads up, mate, but I'm not sure what that lends to this general look at the fecklessness of national Democratic races.
I only venture into comments on my columns when tipsy, but, MAN, English dudes love to let you know that you are not an Englishman.
Watching a friendship lose traction is only slightly > watching a relationship lose traction is only slightly > watching a car lose traction
*Adult tells me they are going back to school*
Oh is that like a plea deal?
Just trying to get the Varsity Blues soundtrack on every possible medium. Really hard to hunt down the 8-track.
Very much in love with the idea of not having to get up at a specific time tomorrow
Ask me about winning a small amount of money playing a weird dice game at a bar! (I have no fucking clue, but I appreciate curiously)
Cryptozoologic, the Lake Horse beat the Supersongbirds
At least God never had to create an account
Wherefore art thou, Cotton Eye Joe
Celebrities coming out against Gamergate now is the equivalent of an entire fleet of fire trucks coming to your home a week after the fire.
havent taken ambien for a while til tonight and now im all loopy
i think about brendan fraser more than most people do. also i wonder how it feels like to die in an animal costume
i know this is fucked up but i love eating shrimp tails
Did you know you can also put your dick in your fleshlight? I'd been eating it out for years without even thinking of that!
You haven't even asked how my uterus is doing today.
There'd be way more healthy relationships if, instead of diamonds, we reminded people that babies are forever.
My name is Donni Saphire. I write jokes and yell them at strangers. Hardcore rap and Mary J. Blige records, the god gon' snap, I'm waving the five reckless