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Did You Know: The wheel on Wheel of Fortune is a combo lock that, when spun in the proper sequence, opens to reveal a vault of Vanna robots
This does NOT leave this room, but...
*points to exercise bike*
Sometimes I can't sleep because I'm excited about cereal.
First fake geek girls, then gamer girls, then fake podcaster girls now fake sign language interpreter girls, aaaagh
My boss walked in on me using the bathroom so 10 minutes later I walked in on her using the bathroom all "We have to stop meeting like this"
i cant imagine being required to write about all new releases. my reviews would mostly be "i dont care" or something really mean
Burglar Tip: Always carry a pizza delivery bag. They'll let you in anywhere with a pizza delivery bag. You could board a space shuttle.
if i had a music blog everyone would hate it and it'd be completely irrelevant which kind of actually sounds appealing to me
My Native American lover uses every part of my body.
add dry ice to your toilet bowl for a haunted bathroom all year round
You'll all be saggy and shitty someday.
"That Girl From The Hunger Games Is Asked A Poignant Question, And I Love Her Answer." Her name is Jennifer Lawrence, Upworthy. You fucks.
Macaulay Culkin looks like the human version of the Charlie Brown Christmas tree.
I find it offensive that we've all just accepted that Turkey Jerky is that expensive.
send me hot unedited DMs of where you see yourself in five years
*proudly places a fedora on my head*
ATHEISM IS COOL & THE FRIENDZONE IS NOT
officer of course you can search the car! so fun cooperating. but steer clear of the glovebox- badly haunted. and the center console? cursed
Sir. Your burrito is $5.97. With guacamole, your total comes to $386,932.32
Oh, the vial around my neck? It contains blood from a revered Gothic Revival artist of the 19th century. Yes, of course I've tasted it.
I'm Donni Saphire, jokesayer and bird wrestler. I hover around Second City. Writing and planning new live shows, podcasts and nude encounters. Please love me.