Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Still can't get over what that actress did to her face. Canceled all my plans for today & am behind a barn punching my dick.
Baby videos are so much better than cat videos and your refusal to deal with that is why this country doesn't have socialized medicine.
I only buy products renamed for men: man-bags, guyliner, dude-lighting, boy-sauce, male (kale), masculine (vaseline), penis fly-traps, etc
Maybe Ghosts Are The Memories Of People You Wish You Could Forget, Charlie Brown.
I have cried twice today, which is about average.
Congrats on all the tweets you guys
Dying in your sleep doesn't seem so great. I want to be awake shouting, "I'm still here! Not gone yet! LIFE! Macadamia nut! Macadamia butt!"
Riding through the desert
On a horse with no name
Trying to remember who introduced
You to this horse in the first place
If only there were some way to determine whether gamers or sports fans are the most thoughtless pieces of shit on earth
No Love Deep WebMD
The Powers That bee movie
Pick an armpit CARD. FUCK. Shit let me start over hold on
*drops phone on face while sexting and bruises cheek*
"Baby died, selling the shoes." Out did Hemingway by a word so eat it.
i hope to be at least 35% more pretentious by this time next year
I had a dream my earlobe fell off and I cried so much that was horrible I am definitely appreciating my lobes more after that
Good tip if you have to do business tomorrow: eat a piece of fruit and have a fruit in your pocket for later.
My name is Donni Saphire. I write jokes and yell them at strangers. Hardcore rap and Mary J. Blige records, the god gon' snap, I'm waving the five reckless