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Since the beginning of time, mankind has yearned to fuck the Dorito.
😊😊😊😊I woke up literally thinking No No No No No so today's off to a cracking start 😊😊😊😊
Gender: Sebastian Bach covering Hollaback Girl at a Bat Mitzvah on Gilmore Girls
set my alarm one hour earlier than normal so i could eat a sensible breakfast of fruit by the foot
women: can't live. can't live without 'em. i wish they could live. i wish i could live. i wish living was possible but it's not
the main result of me being on twitter is now i put "peace of shit" in emails
I need to stop watching Silence of the Lambs before bed every night.
Everyone who has ever revved their motorcycle engine in a neighborhood has gotten laid IMMEDIATELY after.
The worst is when someone agrees with you then you keep talking & they change their mind and you're like "Wait, let's go back to before."
Physically naked, emotionally wrapped in 147 blankets.
My mind has decided to take an inventory of all the times someone has said something cruel to me. Helpful!
Sex: Myth Or Legend?
If I had the right drugs I'd write a thesis about how Cracker was better than Weezer but you're just gonna have to trust me on this one.
At that point where I need a personal assistant but am also making less than one.
there are gonna be people who don't like Rogue Nation & the thing is... I don't want to know them. I don't even want them to look at me
More like Julia Rob Hearts, right, fellow Runaway Bride fans?
Kissing is the weirdest shit ever.
i;m scared but *puffs out chest* i am still dragon emoji
You have one of those sexy voices that sounds like a radio deejay eating on air.
My name's Donni Saphire. I write jokes here & say comedy on stages. I wanna do your show, sleep on your couch and pet your cat! (podcast linked below)
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