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If you ever want some alone time in America, just take the stairs.
I just ate great pork
Then thought about the word "thin"
:( :( :( :( :(
I don't know sadness? REALLY? Um, do you see me eating this pre-made Caesar salad from the Exxon station?
You work in web marketing, whether you know it or not.
Aw man, I was gonna wear this new skirt but I just noticed the fine print on the tag saying, "may solicit sexual harassment" :(
I'm glad I live in a time when pushing "go" on the dishwasher counts as doing a chore.
I bet there are a lot of people in India who'd like to go on a "spiritual journey" to America.
MCMANSIONS R BORING IF I WAS RICH I'D BE ECCENTRIC AS HELL
Yikes, I forgot to turn down my ring tone volume and now everyone on the train is doing the Chicken Dance.
what's the obligation vis-a-vis reporting obvious teen shoplifting at a clothing store? instinct is "not my business" and I'm going with it
I don't care if you blot the grease off your pizza, just give me the napkin so I can wring it out atop mine.
I don't rely on joke formats because I enjoy reinventing the wheel. By the way, I broke your car
attn twitter a bug flew in my mouth and I'm spitting all over the sidewalk
"I don't care about fame." -Liars
It's morning somewhere...
i try so hard to hate all men but then i see a picture of johnny knoxville wearing glasses and sjidosg
Comedians In Fedoras Getting Bringer Spots
My name is Donni Saphire. I write things here and sometimes for money. Second City jams, io classes, setups and punchlines on stages. Wanna get food after this?