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I've just diagnosed myself with the mumps mainly because the name sounds like a muppet
Nobody who speaks English is awake right now, so I will just say it: I murdered someone tonight.
IM IN A UBER IM RIIIICH
idk what certain envies feel like bc i've always been the smartest and prettiest fatherfucker i've known
You were asleep. I crashed through your window with like a trash bag of poems. Can you wake up and read these
How many dogs do we have to dress up before they take over for us, cuz I'll do it
im tuckered out!! gonna hug a dog until morning, goodnight everyone and to all a good night
It's okay to pee on a jellyfish sting but when I get a seed suck in my teeth from ACTUAL jelly all of a sudden it's weird to pee on it.
I suspect a studio is developing a movie called "Bad Pope"
In a crowded bar, thinking about you guys
The area between my nose and cheeks are gurgling is that bad
I'm not trying to be dramatic but no one on earth has ever had a cold as bad as this
I guess this is growing up, my body no longer likes eating cheesesteaks, I guess I'll just go buy a house now or something.
I hope it doesn't turn out that I've been a robot all this whole time
if my DMs got leaked they wouldn't be damaging but you'd see i run out of stuff to say when people ask me about myself and ruin everything
My baby girl almost hacked my twitter account while I was sleeping. She was gonna post a pic that makes me look like a have a mullet. Sweet.
I guess my "biggest weakness" is that I'll never be 50 cent's favorite white boy
My name is Donni Saphire. I do standup in dark bars and basements. I have a podcast called Mistakes. I have a walrus. Like me now before I get too popular