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people who think “chinky” isn’t racist are the same people who think you won’t get pregnant if you fuck in the shower…stupid is a lifestyle
I'm in 3 rap groups
people at work say im not normal
"yesterday i asked you the worst place to get stung by a bee and you said a funeral"
FREEZE. HOLD IT RIGHT THERE.
"This is a pretty weird photo shoot..."
YES I'M SORRY. I USED TO BE A COP.
"Any last words?"
"Yes. 'I say hip hop, you don't stop, a rock it to the bang bang boogie the upchuck-
*priest does the worm*
If you can't go to a restaurant by yourself and enjoy your own company, then how do you expect anyone else to wanna hang with you?
If some actual tumbleweed came rolling past I bet there'd be all manner of whooping and cheering.
"Am I actually feeling this, or am I remembering how I would've felt when I cared about things?"
what do we want BLOOD when do we want it ALWAYS
barn owl: "hoo"
snowy owl: "who"
owl that went to cambridge: "whom"
Already broke all my 2015 resolutions.
Lotta elderly people out there with yellow-brown teeth. Shit's not right.
You can effectively place someone under house arrest by sending an email saying "Your package will be delivered between 7am and 9pm today."
The naughty get karate vengeance. The nice get mercy. Shopping finished.
Discussion has turned to anti-vaxxers. General sentiment from us all is that these people need other benefits of science taken away.
Let Others Be As They Are
I'm yet to meet a magician I didn't want to punch in the nose.
My name is Donni Saphire. I do standup in dark bars and basements. I have a podcast called Mistakes. I have a walrus. Like me now before I get too popular