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in dog years ive been dead for a long time
St. Pauls, NC has a population of 2,342. They have 31 churches. I feel like such a sinner just being here.
"What? What is it?"
"Robin [laughs hard] he left his Facebook logged on the computer so I [buckles] I cut his hand off."
Of course, Shakespeare died on the same day he was born. Which makes his writing achievements all the more impressive.
here's the thing: fuck walnuts
william shakespeare is trending. did he die?
i am a failed human
Still not over Burpo being a last name and not a fictional fraternity bully
Only 20s kids will remember... something, here and there. They're pretty old, now.
Next, on Man Versus Morning...
Whatever happened to the itty bitty titty committee? I'm thinking it's way past time to reconvene...
Also immensely enjoying Philip Kerr's 'Berlin Noir' trilogy. Especially vol. 2. A great way to read about a very weird and horrible period.
my friend doesn't take me to parties anymore because last time he did i told everyone that he found me on craigslist
Roofies put the "date" in "sedate."
*exhales cigarette* no
When you get off the plane in Portland a hula girl drapes a keffiyeh around your neck.
A teacher once wrote to my parents asking them to stop me from watching The Mask because I said 'Somebody stop me!' about 50 times a day.
It'd be easier to lobotomize myself than learn to appreciate decaf
I am Donni Saphire. You're probably not. Wanna trade? I do many comedy things, just like everyone else.