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perfected the AZN housewife floor cleaning squat…who needs a mop and bucket or feminism?
is this a hello or goodbye or singular jazz hand or spanking or what?
My parents are teaching me how to use their 3D TV:(
everyone loves it when you take things as literally as possible.
2 AM tweet: Queen Letizia of Spain is basically Michelle Dockery with a lisp. RT plz
I HAD SUCH A GOOD NIGHT AND ERRYTHING STILL FUCT THE END
The hallway bird is gone but my fear remains like a loyal friend.
Never ever drinking again
from now on i will refer to ladies as lasses. like 'g'day lass' its a great and under used word
Austin is a fun place to drink and drive into a Whataburger filled w/ the polyphonic spree
On a crowded dance floor us tall people check in with each other and nod knowingly that we could kill all of you short ones if we chose to.
Every beast is technically a "beast of burden." I've never seen a monster and been like "oh great a monster, he shouldn't be any trouble"
I am clutching on to this quesadilla like it's the baby I never had, the baby I never had but planned to devour upon arriving home
I don't need to know how I'm going to die, but it'd be nice to get a simple yes or no on "murdered while walking from car to apartment."
I don't do drugs. I'm pretty much monogamous with weed.
Shout out to transcendent mango
The only thing I feel comfortable assuming is the position
If The A-Team started now, the montage would show them trying to connect a wifi printer.
Found out I live around dangerous college aged men from all the threats I heard them yelling at someone outside my window
I know High Brow was a successes tonight because I am having troubles walking home
My name is Donni Saphire. I write things here and sometimes for money. Second City jams, io classes, setups and punchlines on stages. Wanna get food after this?