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How about an app like Waze for helping me avoid running into people I know at the grocery store.
some dude told me that prototype by andre 3000 isnt good. i then realized we dont share the same ear for music and disreguard his opinion ha
*lives nowhere close to modern agriculture/megafarms* LOL why would anyone be a vegan... so stupid
New Lays flavors:
Orange Juice and Toothpaste
H O T D O G W A T E R
These days my mom and I only communicate in emojis, which is better than before when we communicated in long sighs and eye rolls.
haha, like i was saying, my fiancée does a GREAT kevin james impression, but i mean. hell, you know how the saying goes; Wife Imitates Blart
I know it is not nice, but I cannot stop laughing at the image of a woman smashing another woman's ukulele over a man.
I think it's very shallow how you used your friend's boobs to make me look at your photo
when Obama stops being president will someone give him a TV show
Woman on train telling story of her breakup. Husband developed feelings for his songwriting partner. Wife smashed girlfriend's ukulele. 👰🏻💔
"Don't be so self-conscious"
ME (cured of my self-consciousness): omg I never thought of that
My dick curves so far left its gonna vote for Hilary!! Haha Hey guys welcome to Greg's funeral I'm your host Phil the Funeral Comic
i traced my family roots all the way to a group of lizards living in Pangea
you went back to far
To every bald guy, Lex Luthor is the hero, not the villain. Sorry he wants to screw up your awesome have-hair world.
The next Terminator movie will be about John Connor sending a Terminator back in time to stop Bill Cosby.
Am I at the correct gate for SLC->LAX? Oh okay everyone around me is talking about what they're gonna do with their kids at Disneyland nvm
I caught your father in the kitchen at 2am squeezing mayonnaise out of a bottle onto two very surprised turnips.
More often than not, your bowtie is not communicating what you want it to communicate.
I get very overwhelmed about the fact that I'll never click all the links.
Imagine if people who invent board games were as lazy as people who named sports and we hand stuff called "handpieces" and "squareboard"...
My name's Donni Saphire. It's spelled wrong. Both parts. Spellcheck hates me. I am OK at Final Draft. I will do comedy at your face for money or college credit.
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