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What's the least amount of time before your alarm goes off that you'll still try to go back to sleep? For me it's six seconds.
Your roller derby name is a microaggression.
The Martian is legit 🌎 🔊 🔴👍🏼
Don't let the door fondle you gently on the ass on the way out
everyone here is a ghoul but not in a good way
gentlemen, let's turn this circlejerk into a bone ring
Sports eh, it's all about being into sports
"I don't trust the cloud," she said, as they locked eyes. He didn't trust it either.
My stripper name is Bad Posture Female
I'm pissed off because I love everyone
I don't know if I believe in God, but I do believe in the power of prayer (emojis)
believe it or not the only other guy on the subway with me at 6am has dangerously hairy wrists
All that she wants is another bagel. She's going to get one.
Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory is the best movie on Earth and anyone who thinks differently can fuck a porcupine.
I'm going to meet my husband or wife while wearing sweatpants in Walmart
My name's Donni Saphire. I write jokes & stories & clickbait. I recite jokes at local venues. Let's hang out after this! Podcast link below
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