Forgive yourself for past mistakes. Guilt serves no purpose & there was a lesson to be learned in the mistake #believe

"No I don't mind your hairy armpits" said no man ever.

@herbinhousewife I'd like to attend an 80's themed adult prom.

Husker Du sounds like what a hipster would name his penis

@anna_mcgann I haven't promoted anything in a week out of respect

@removeyourhat @legallee16 when slow cookers are outlawed, only outlaws will have slow cookers

Yes we all have to see your post on Facebook about how much you love your wife/husband. #stifle

when you are drunk, the only app that should open on your phone is G+ this way you can post and no one will see it

I have no idea what the Harlem shake is and judging by the tweets, I don't want to know.

You make my web browser crash #nerdvalentinetweets

Hey! I'm the Italian powerhouse around here

@camelclutchblog @wwfrawiswar @theabelherrera @jonalbasfc she is running the shield

you: remember when you asked me out a year ago and I said no? me: nope, move along

@legallee16 pants off party!

Finished my email to the company with "I wish you the best of luck in your future endeavors"

@daveweasel @margiejphelps my kida isa smarta then you kida. #Italianaccents

Something happen today that changed my life forever. FOREVER  http://www.tout.com/m/e5708j?ref=twox5497 …

@lillielgee he is still alive?

I'd call heaven and tell them that an angel was missing, but I'm hoping you're a slut. #pickuplines

#ribs #foodporn pic.twitter.com/GYyko1EJ