I am officially living with my mother again. This is my suicide note.

If both of my parents are fucking assholes am I automatically an asshole too or does it skip a generation?

My little sister is playing with my hair and telling me I'm "so pretty." And nothing else matters.

Slept with the man of my dreams last night. There's no joke here. I just want the whole fucking world to know.

Got invited out tonight. To dinner. With actual people. (I'll miss you)

Driving without music is like wearing sneakers without socks.

If Office Space and Clerks had a demon baby, this job would be it.

Roommate: you're still sleeping?! Me: yeah. RM: you know it's 5:30...pm? Me: still sleeping! RM: my mom sent you presents. Me: GOOD MORNING!

The only thing sadder than having to go through all your purses and pockets looking for money, is finding nothing but dollar store receipts.

Night golf in the backyard would be way more satisfying if not for those stupid fruit trees. And picnic tables. And fire place. And shed.

itsgonnabeokayitsgonnabeokayitsgonnabeokayitsgonnabeokayitsgonnabeokillmeitsgonnabeokayitsgonnabeokayitsgonnabeokayitsgonnabeokay

Picking him up, holding him tightly to my chest and spinning us both around in circles until I think I'm gonna hurl is my cat's 'Nam.

In Hell, your roommates are sugar-high toddlers with pots and pans that never, EVER take naps. There is no alcohol, duct tape or escape.

This is why I lose all my money at the Dollar Store. http://t.co/1fMreTFd

Merlot makes everything all better.

Go Pats. Go Niners. Fuck you NYG.

He said everything right. He did everything right. All night. And in the morning he still had his arms around me. ♥