Not particularly prolific, not particularly edgy, Canadian, polite. Won't use the 'c' word. Yup, that's me; a one-star wonder.

I have no idea how to get on a list. Or how to make a list. Love me, love my listlessness,

Every time I see Gene Hackman I am convinced he's the kind of guy that would bounce his schlong off your forehead and think that was sexy.

My bldg mgmt has a sense of humour. They scheduled a fire drill at 9:00 on 09/09/09 and sent all the apocalypse crazies into the street.

Me: I think today should be cancelled due to lack of interest.
Him: I don't care one way or the other.

On the radio: Nirvana, Smells Like Teen Spirit. 7: Is he saying "potatoes"? Me: No, honey. 'Entertain us". 7: Potatoes are yummy.

Woke up unjustifiably cheery, even in the dark. Grinning to myself on the commuter train, no reason. IT'S A BRAIN TUMOUR, ISN'T IT???!?!?

This woman's perfume is giving me a headache. In retaliation I have slipped off my walky shoes and am trying like mad to fart.

It's just .... I was saving that bacon.

Yes, I am wearing Mom jeans but bent over you *cannot* see my a) ass crack b) my T bar or c) the top of my granny panties. You're welcome.

I need a ball peen hammer, a phone book and an alibi.

So Elton John had contracted eColi. Huh.

Maybe he shouldn't bite his nails.

No, I am not eating Fritos for breakfast.

I am eating Fritos *after* breakfast.

Sheesh.

This toilet paper isn't going to use itself.

Singlehood means looking at my razor whilst in the shower and humming to myself, "Let it grow, let it grow, let it grow".

OMG I JUST GOT FAVRD. And I wasn't even aware. Did someone roofie my Twitter?

I have reached an age where once the candy goes *crunch* I panic until I am sure all my teeth are in one piece.

Christ on a sidecar, here we go. You know what, guys? You don't like the way the site is run? Make one yourself. Oh, you can't? SHUT UP

Only with a 7 yr-old in the morning: "Look at my bum. I gave myself a wedgie!".

Yes, good morning to you too, sunshine!

I swear angels sang when I took off this bra.