My little sister is getting married in a garden. I thanked her for being mindful of my severe church allergy on her special day.

Humans have a fuck-ton of ways to communicate yet a lack of communication is the killer of most relationships.

@maybenotstef Thank you, beautiful! xo

True love means never having to beg for the things you deserve, but only begging for the naughty things you want. <3

@alphatwat Yep! My man & I are on opposite coasts, but always connected. <3

True story: My boyfriend & I exchange an average of 20 emails each day & my heart still skips every single time I see his name in my inbox.

My boss asked why I always eat lunch at my desk.

Does he expect me to eat in the cafeteria where someone might talk to me?! Gross.

Of course we all want to live happily ever after. We are a society drugged by fairy tales.

According to these pants that are so tight I can't breathe, food and I are officially on a break.

Today might be one of those work days where my finger guns never even see their holster.

I might not mind jury duty. Judging people is kind of my thing.

@badelroybrown COCAINE FLAME IN MY BLOOD STREAM!

Even my dad had daddy issues so I guess you could say mine were grandfathered in...

Be patient. Sometimes karma is one slow moving bitch. <3

@pmclellan Oh how I love a monocle wearing feline!

@steelfontana @schmoodles HA! I never made it big... just needed to think in more than 140 characters for a while. ;)

@truetorontogirl xox

@ethegoddess @leeannieoh It was a very spontaneous decision! Like the time I made out with a toothless hobo.

@hipchkk Hello, lovely! I've missed your gorgeous face and funny words! xox

@williamader Thank you! :)