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When the temp gets cold I don't simply shiver; my body develops a temporary case of advanced Parkinson's until I relocate to a warmer spot.
@wowpatricia there are few people i follow who have as consistent tweet quality as you so nice work A+ keep it up & america is counting on u
@cmadams8 's scared face. What's he watching, you ask? Scooby Doo. Not a joke. #scaredycat pic.twitter.com/Z9eLsRqJ
Trading cat pix with @cmadams8 what did you do with your morning??? pic.twitter.com/GdrXjiD3
Annoyed person on the bus: How many Mean Girls references are going to be made today?
Me, whispering: The limit does not exist.
Y'all I watched the news today & I'm so glad I did bc I learned there's a cat running for mayor in Xalapa, Mexico pic.twitter.com/bCAISMi5PD
flashback to the time when 8 y.o. me called my neighbor's golden retriever a rip off bc it wouldn't do Air Bud tricks
@wowpatricia Siri is not clandestine. She'll tell a bitch how she feels and don't sneak around. Yvonne could work though.
Sometimes I get social anxiety ordering pizza by phone. if u do too don't worry lots of people do. for example me. Ok that's my TED talk bye
@wowpatricia oh wait no fax. And slacks. And pax (kno ur latin). And relax. And ballsacks. That's all
When you avoid paying taxes, you commit tax evasion. When you avoid a boy named Max who has a crush on you, you commit Max evasion.
"I'm like a bird, I'm gonna fly away" -all of my money as it leaves my wallet in large quantities
OMG I PUT LISTERINE IN MY MOUTH THEN GOT IN AN ELEVATOR AND I HAVE TO SPIT BUT I CAN'T IT BURNS HELP ME IM TRAPPED
And this, friends, is my dad's rendition of motivation for my last final. 🐟🐟🐟 pic.twitter.com/qWPaRF7LND
Here's where I'd make a Mothers Day post if I wasn't bitter that she gets hit on more than I do when she's on campus pic.twitter.com/w1ZDUKHWPz
There may be a method to my madness. Maybe, but probably not.
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