From now on, let’s say “accused of” instead of “tasked with.”

I'm mad as hell, and powerless to do anything about it.

Actually, doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results, is the definition of "practice".

Aha, Favstar is following *me* now. Pretty soon, Tim Haines will be frantically checking *my* web site hundreds of times a day.

If it doesn't kill you, make it stronger.

The first step toward getting cured is getting sick.

I don't like babies *or* bathwater.

Sex between people who love each other is kind of boring. That why it doesn't have a porn category.

If three wrongs don't make a right, try a machete.

What the world needs now is a self-scratching itch.

In science, you check things out to see if they're true. In religion, you don't.

No offense, but if you say "exponentially" when it's really "quadratically" again, I'm going to stuff that velour notebook down your throat.

I don't know what the "fuck down" is, but I'm pretty sure I'm supposed to calm it.

Shame on those who live, while millions of our ancestors even now lie dead.

The iPad is not dishwasher safe.

Life's too short to watch the local TV news.

You can't change people, but you can, er, "eliminate" them.

Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be third-world dictators.

From now on, I'm not going to "watch" TV shows, I'm going to "witness" them.

Unfairness is the spice of life.