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  • drearydoug
      Dreary Doug @drearydoug

    I fell asleep listening to the Red Hot Chili Peppers and woke up illiterate.

    • 319
    • FAVS
    LogikalLivingSalinger355djdavemichaelsNikkerdoodle39JackieNooner_Nina_Vafbradstone8rnwhite8
    • 129
    • RETWEETS
    djdavemichaelsNikkerdoodle39PhilNistaJenny4ashleybeingbonesNewfiechick21shkeeberpatty_penis
    mrtruthandsoul
  • drearydoug
      Dreary Doug @drearydoug

    At my parent's house, or as I like to call it, the world's most judgmental self-service laundromat.

    • 271
    • FAVS
    djdavemichaels9DaysOld8rnwhite8DudeInABearSuitMr_Bum_to_YouJenny4ashleyminority723B_Walt2
    • 93
    • RETWEETS
    Mr_Bum_to_YouJenny4ashleyBulldog0613Lrleducalexaaaa_roseThinkOutsideL7shkeeberFavstar250
  • drearydoug
      Dreary Doug @drearydoug

    I'm pretty sure the way my sister just depicted Oprah in Draw Something should be considered nothing short of a hate crime.

    • 220
    • FAVS
    djdavemichaelsll_the_ragerenobones________8rnwhite8Jenny4ashleyshkeeberjohngayseetweetJill22
    • 75
    • RETWEETS
    ll_the_ragerenobones________Jenny4ashleySauertrautperfectsoul21____TomBanks1________sillydancingrlAlyBelknap
  • drearydoug
      Dreary Doug @drearydoug

    My date does not seem impressed with my combo washer/dryer/dining room table.

    • 208
    • FAVS
    djdavemichaels8rnwhite8FeelingMervisJenny4ashleyHarryBallsagna1PrincessStepfrdjoyf993dwightsupremacy
    • 56
    • RETWEETS
    hoover2500________Jenny4ashleyHarryBallsagna1PrincessStepfrdwilykilyGenghis_DongMyHairyLife______shkeeber
  • drearydoug
      Dreary Doug @drearydoug

    Self-checkout is the best thing that's happened to the anti-social community since the handwritten manifesto.

    • 176
    • FAVS
    djdavemichaelsrenobones________8rnwhite8tauroneokathrinanaMURKAELFeelingMervisahoytheboat
    • 55
    • RETWEETS
    shakes31471djdavemichaelsfavstar_historyMURKAELJenny4ashleybbrunet96________missingmax4ever__IsItThatDeep
    aleneparr
  • drearydoug
      Dreary Doug @drearydoug

    My current state of caffeination is beyond 'semi-pleasant conversationalist' and quickly approaching 'ability to see through time.'

    • 154
    • FAVS
    cocktailquaffinDan_Nemethdjdavemichaelsatanenhauskashnerdtimmitown8rnwhite8Jenny4ashley
    • 49
    • RETWEETS
    MtedmoRaya_jdDudeInABearSuitExit108cherryrockcandynaughtywriter2sunexplodeSunKist_678
  • drearydoug
      Dreary Doug @drearydoug

    I can't tell what God enjoys tormenting me with more: the success of my exes or my check engine light.

    • 145
    • FAVS
    djdavemichaels8rnwhite8Jenny4ashleyshkeeberfhbyroncupcakelyndatrumpthechumpBeenToHellPal
    • 37
    • RETWEETS
    cupcakelyndabamesbmwTopcat_007kevnastoMaxxamillianNerd_Boner________fuqtardedjunejuly12
    chriscroctears
  • drearydoug
      Dreary Doug @drearydoug

    If I had a time machine, first thing I'd do is go back and inform whoever attempted this Airline Sudoku puzzle that they're a fucking idiot.

    • 145
    • FAVS
    Jenny4ashleyshkeeberTylerLinkincupcakelyndatrumpthechump_Always_Laugh_____Cshift3JasonLastname
    • 27
    • RETWEETS
    SauertrautTylerLinkinCshift3Kalii_mrtruthandsoulfuqtardedRamblingMachine___Ms_Moneypenny_
  • drearydoug
      Dreary Doug @drearydoug

    At the hipster coffee shoppe, playing my new favorite game: Face Tattoo or Birth Defect!

    • 134
    • FAVS
    Jenny4ashleyshkeebernickgillz________Russia_Triple6BrentweetsTylerLinkincupcakelyndatrumpthechump
    • 32
    • RETWEETS
    ajtowlerkevnastoTylerLinkintimmyryan22signandsightmrtruthandsoulNerd_Boner________fuqtarded
  • drearydoug
      Dreary Doug @drearydoug

    Congratulations to everyone graduating college this week on reaching a level of employability still lower than a 1970's high school dropout.

    • 126
    • FAVS
    djdavemichaelsJenny4ashleyshkeebercupcakelyndaCheetohFacePhilNistaBeenToHellPalsabakhan
    • 37
    • RETWEETS
    SauertrautPhilNistaBeenToHellPalGiantSweetTartyosefwaitsSoulSistaNokcmrtruthandsoulQ_u_i_n_t_i_n_S
  • drearydoug
      Dreary Doug @drearydoug

    All I was told was to bring snacks to a work meeting. Where does it state that 4 bottles of wine aren't snacks and that I have to share.

    • 125
    • FAVS
    djdavemichaels8rnwhite8Jenny4ashleynursesaricaThinkOutsideL7MeekFlunkyshkeebertrumpthechump
    • 37
    • RETWEETS
    B_Walt2forbestooshkeeberfuqtardedAnyalachae7maddie11_AndersArielfollowill7favstar1000favs
    chriscroctears
  • drearydoug
      Dreary Doug @drearydoug

    Either there's catnip in my new deodorant, or Mr. Whiskers wants to take our relationship to the next level. Mr. Whiskers is our janitor.

    • 122
    • FAVS
    djdavemichaels8rnwhite8PhilNistaJenny4ashleyshkeeberTylerLinkinfhbyroncupcakelynda
    • 32
    • RETWEETS
    cupcakelyndaToxicButTastyStartup_ADLPolicyVoteMrFlixxmrtruthandsoulEdwardNigma1980MyHairyLife______
  • drearydoug
      Dreary Doug @drearydoug

    Asked if there was anyway I could charge my phone at Cracker Barrel, and they just brought me a raccoon covered in tin foil.

    • 106
    • FAVS
    jeffron_xAlisonzombielanangheidJDawgSwagmasterTinyMcSmallBirkBuckyIsotopeMikecanrantgumdropheaven
    • 40
    • RETWEETS
    jeffron_xfavstar1000favsDukeRaccoonjiggynyedjdavemichaelsthebest5wtcathryn_wardTomFoolery52
  • drearydoug
      Dreary Doug @drearydoug

    Great Date Night Idea: "Let's put our iPods on shuffle and judge each other."

    • 109
    • FAVS
    djdavemichaels8rnwhite8Jenny4ashleyshkeeberBrendanAireytrumpthechumpBeenToHellPalkevnasto
    • 34
    • RETWEETS
    Ellumbrerafavstar1000favsxIrishLuck17xLaloubaSandraExtasy101RaceykaridlbTheCabbageCrew
  • drearydoug
      Dreary Doug @drearydoug

    Worst part about living alone: Once your friends go through your medicine cabinet, trying to explain how your cat got erectile dysfunction.

    • 108
    • FAVS
    djdavemichaelsrenobones________8rnwhite8atanenhauspistolwistolMetalligretchPhilNistaJenny4ashley
    • 32
    • RETWEETS
    PhilNistafavstar1000favsSauertrautkylymi2ChokenspitspuhJimmerThatisAllJay1972Jay23_Lies
  • drearydoug
      Dreary Doug @drearydoug

    I was asked for my business card today. I broke down in tears. My parents can be such dicks.

    • 116
    • FAVS
    djdavemichaelsrenobones________8rnwhite8Jenny4ashleyshkeeberlynnncurrantruefelicity______PhoenixRises69
    • 23
    • RETWEETS
    SauertrautPhoenixRises69ThisMansJourneymrtruthandsoulGrind_n_RollPretzelNYfuqtardedDawnLovesZombie
    DawnLovesZombie
  • drearydoug
      Dreary Doug @drearydoug

    Side ponytail AND Snooki Poof? Girrrrl, you are making all the right choices.

    • 108
    • FAVS
    djdavemichaelsrenobones________8rnwhite8Jenny4ashleyshkeebertrumpthechumpToxicButTastyBit_R_Sweet______
    • 30
    • RETWEETS
    favstar1000favsnice_sometimes_TayTayJustineErin13851meanPeachfancypantsesqmrtruthandsoulSirFlushaLot
  • drearydoug
      Dreary Doug @drearydoug

    How many stick pokes does it take to determine if this park bench sleeper is officially dead? I'm at 49.

    • 111
    • FAVS
    djdavemichaels8rnwhite8Jenny4ashleyshkeeberBedheadBunnyraqueldiane17andrewgutinKingofHippies
    • 26
    • RETWEETS
    BedheadBunnyandrewgutin999nataS999favstar1000favsJimmerThatisAllSauertrautsloth_saver______Kods1983
  • drearydoug
      Dreary Doug @drearydoug

    Just found out I'm not man enough to change the TV at the gym from ESPN to Cartoon Network.

    • 101
    • FAVS
    djdavemichaels8rnwhite8Jenny4ashleyshkeebertrumpthechumpToxicButTastyradtoria__________HapaKoleaJen
    • 33
    • RETWEETS
    PlSSPANTSfavstar1000favsHapaKoleaJenStella1070JimmerThatisAllalexhadzimasitdowninfrontOliveBeerthanks
  • drearydoug
      Dreary Doug @drearydoug

    "Dryer, why do you have a Less dry setting? That's the washers job!... These jokes go over great with the vacuum cleaner." ...so alone.

    • 105
    • FAVS
    jiggynyedjdavemichaelsviadearsamtschil8rnwhite8Jenny4ashleycanadasandrashkeeber
    • 28
    • RETWEETS
    djdavemichaelsPhilNistafavstar1000favscanadasandraPolicyVotemrtruthandsoulHM_paColorMeScradd
    ManVsPuppet
@drearydoug

@drearydoug

100% stuffing