My inner child is still waiting at the bus stop in the rain for the short bus to arrive.

It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.

I would like to thank all of you who keep it real for me, by stopping at 9 stars.

Stand by your Man #songsyoudontwannahearinjail

It's your god. They're your rules. *You* go to hell.

My self-loathing just told my buddhism to go fuck itself. My buddhism was greatful and thanked my self-loathing for the good advice.

I told my daughter to break up with her loser boyfriend today. She said she was going to her room and wasn't coming out for a week. #bonus

How many stars a day do I get with this job offer?

Whenever I try to make a dramatic exit I always forget my keys, and then my wallet, and my sunglasses, and oh yeah my iPhone.

I thought they put covers on books SO I could judge them... :/

Drop a grudge if you're holding one, that shit's too fucking heavy.

Looking for the truth on twitter is like looking for an unopened box of Twinkies at a fat kid's house.

I'm getting emergency inflatable exit slides installed in my house and vehicles. I'm still looking for one to install in a conversation.

Travel deep within until you find the voice you remember as your own.

Fuck the future like there's no tomorrow.

Every time I lose a bot a little piece of me dies.

Fuck You Brown Rice. Turn into something useful, like Chocolate.

My Gram taught me to drive a stick on the highway at age 8 She also taught me that it was OK to say Mother-Fucker to anyone except my Mother

The future is like the present, only longer.

I just finished installing a surveillance system in my home. I feel really safe now. I can watch myself while watching TV.