@dresspants' (C. T.) most faved Tweets...
Some days you're the fat kid at school that everybody picks on and some days you're the Twinkie when the fat kid gets home.
If you ever find yourself, for whatever reason, about to perform a google image search for a manhole, don't.
As I lay here awake at 6:30 am, it strikes me that an erection like this is nature's way of keeping me from rolling out of bed in my sleep.
Halloween this year was way better than last year. I pared back from drinking and passing out candy to just drinking and passing out.
Anyone using packing tape in the vicinity of someone trying to concentrate should be packed up and mailed to Fuckoffistan.
My favourite iPhone app is this one that plays the sound of an eagle screaming. It makes coming out of the bathroom much more triumphant.
I'm looking out the window at the cold November rain and thinking somebody should write a song about it.
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