Maybe @chrispirillo had a stroke or something?

"@carlycastle: Before you marry someone, ask yourself "will he be a good killing partner during the zombie apocalypse?"" Or she.

change the national anthem to R. Kelly's 2003 hit "Ignition (Remix)."  http://wh.gov/f8vi 

I think people wouldn't be as scared of the fiscal cliff if we called it "the fiscal hole from the movie 300" We can throw Joe Biden in.

I was thinking, if I could draw I would make a comic book about a cereal killer gun named Jack the Luger.

"The problem with quotes on the internet is that many are not genuine." - Abraham Lincoln

I bought three kinds of milk yesterday, and none of them came from an animal.

I still don't know what the fuck herring snacks in sour cream is, but it sounds disgusting.

I was in the grocery store last night, and I started thinking about John Updike's story A&P. Still thinking about it.

Quote: "They're asking for the single girls. Get up there."

I knew it! RT @cnn: Apple triggers "religious" reaction in fans' brains, report says. http://on.cnn.com/jq86X0

They admitted it... Wow. Holder: Drone strikes have killed four Americans since 2009  http://www.cnn.com/2013/05/22/politics/drone-strikes-americans/index.html?sr=sharebar_twitter …

Most #yolo tweets are bullshit. People really need to come up with better live for the moment things to do besides getting froyo at 9pm.

There has to be a few million people just like me that hates sleeping. People that find it to be a waste of time. Time spent elsewhere.

@snywalker Maybe @mcdonalds is sending out some secret code? Activating a manchurian hamburger?

. @mcdonalds @mccafe This isn't Facebook. You can't use the same "like & share" the bull here.

@justinryoung What about MotherFuckerCuntSacksOfShit

@rabidbadger

Honestly? I never cared about Roger Ebert's opinion. I did like Beond The Valley Of The Dolls though.

I have two urinals in the trunk of my car right now. Just FYI.