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Today, @joejonas winked at me. The 13 yr old girl inside of me fainted and the Big Rob inside of me carried her to the EMT's inside of me.
Think the dogs across the street are getting a divorce. Heard them barking late last night, and there was a Uhaul there this morning. So sad
Whole fam's ugly selfies compared to perf couple http://instagr.am/p/T1hljwSvLm/
It's just a matter of time before Honey Boo Boo Child says something SUPER racist.
Opposite of ROFL=SUU (Standing Upright Unamused) BRB =NL (Never left) WTF=UBT (Unaffected by that) TTYL = LNTA (Lets not talk anymore)
Accidentally took my New Year's resolution list to the grocery store. Can't find the isle that has "Stop eating so much Krispy Kreme."
Today on MTV: "My Super Sweet 16" followed by "When I Was 17." Can't believe they turned down the show I pitched. "Thank God She Was 18"
They say you are what you eat. That's funny, I don't remember eating an unemployed idiot with no discernible skills.
Heat went out in my apt. Accidentally texted my landlord "My heart is broken." He texted, "Get back out there, you have a lot to offer."
Happy Birthday @joejonas. Your birthday present is under the sink in the tour bus. Yep! Its 3-ply toilet paper! No more chapped heiny!
Just told my gay friend to go straight. He got really angry and told me it's not that easy. I was just telling him directions.
So loud in here. Its like the Beatles are on stage, but without the talent. #bieberconcert
Home videos of Bieber as a baby playing over one of his songs. Apparently they were filmed last Wednesday. #bieberconcert
Not even "Party in the USA" could put me in a good mood right n.....OH MY GOD TURN IT UP! I HOPPED OFF THE PLANE AT LAX!
stupid idiot
