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if your grave doesnt say "rest in peace" on it you are automatically drafted into the skeleton war
someone who is good at the economy please help me budget this. my family is dying
big bird was obviously just a man in a suit. but the other ones were too small to contain men. so what the fuck
(cop inspecting his new body cam with huge pepperoni fingers) what the fuck is htis. where do i pack the ammo. is this a new type of grenade
awfully bold of you to fly the Good Year blimp on a year that has been extremely bad thus far
blocked. blocked. blocked. youre all blocked. none of you are free of sin
the numa numa man just bougt a $70million house and im here at the library trying to photocopy a fruit roll up
another day volunteering at the betsy ross museum. everyone keeps asking me if they can fuck the flag. buddy, they wont even let me fuck it
the doctor reveals my blood pressure is 420 over 69. i hoot & holler outta the building while a bunch of losers try to tell me that im dying
BOSS TELLS ME I CAN KISS MY FERRETS AT WORK, BUT NO OPEN MOUTH. I PUNCH THE FLOOR SO HARD HIS SCREEN SAVER DEACTIVATES
fuck "jokes". everything i tweet is real. raw insight without the horse shit. no, i will NOT follow trolls. twitter dot com. i live for this
THERAPIST: your problem is, that youre perfect, and everyone is jealous of your good posts, and that makes you rightfully upset.
ME: I agree
the jduge orders me to take off my anonymous v mask & im wearing the joker makeup underneath it. everyone in the courtroom groans at my shit
The reason the "Cars" movies have gained so much popularity is becuase the cars speak to one another. You don't get that with real life cars
"Is Wario A Libertarian" - the greatest thread in the history of forums, locked by a moderator after 12,239 pages of heated debate,
i am selling six beautfiul, extremely ill, white horses. they no longer recognize me as their father, and are the Burden of my life
me: nobody has to get owned today. please, please put down the keyboard and step back
9 year old child: Fuck oyu
nerd with lame attitude: North Korea is bad
Me: Have you ever lived there.
nerd: (his glasses fall off)
Me: Catch you later
pregnant Hog measurer
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