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someone who is good at the economy please help me budget this. my family is dying
if your grave doesnt say "rest in peace" on it you are automatically drafted into the skeleton war
big bird was obviously just a man in a suit. but the other ones were too small to contain men. so what the fuck
blocked. blocked. blocked. youre all blocked. none of you are free of sin
awfully bold of you to fly the Good Year blimp on a year that has been extremely bad thus far
THERAPIST: your problem is, that youre perfect, and everyone is jealous of your good posts, and that makes you rightfully upset.
ME: I agree
another day volunteering at the betsy ross museum. everyone keeps asking me if they can fuck the flag. buddy, they wont even let me fuck it
donlad trump reportedly says that normal type pokemon are a waste of time. they're just dirty birds & rats who have no right being a pokemon
its the weekend baby. youknow what that means. its time to drink precisely one beer and call 911
me: nobody has to get owned today. please, please put down the keyboard and step back
9 year old child: Fuck oyu
it is with a heavy heart that i must announce that the celebs are at it again
IF THE ZOO BANS ME FOR HOLLERING AT THE ANIMALS I WILL FACE GOD AND WALK BACKWARDS INTO HELL
fuck "jokes". everything i tweet is real. raw insight without the horse shit. no, i will NOT follow trolls. twitter dot com. i live for this
(cop inspecting his new body cam with huge pepperoni fingers) what the fuck is htis. where do i pack the ammo. is this a new type of grenade
"This Whole Thing Smacks Of Gender," i holler as i overturn my uncle's barbeque grill and turn the 4th of July into the 4th of Shit
the numa numa man just bougt a $70million house and im here at the library trying to photocopy a fruit roll up
emailing me is now a criminal offense
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