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I'm taking my Twitter training wheels off.
Are you subtweeting or just plain crazy?
My best twets happen when I'm too drunk to remember to hit the send button.
Your tweets need subtitles.
The day there's no drama on Twitter is the day I'll twittercide.
Funny or not, here's a tweet.
I wonder if corrective eye surgery can fix love.
CAPS LOCKED BITCH
I don't drink eggnog because I'm a professional drinker.
I just want to let you know that if I ever tweet something funny it was an accident, and I'll try not to do that again.
The worst thing you can ever do to me is to leave alone in a dark room just with my thoughts and no alcohol.
Followers come and go, but Twitter friendships will last forever...
Or until they unfollow you.
I wonder how many people are going to get blocked this weekend due to their drunk tweets.
I'm donating this tweet to Vodka.
I usually take your tweets with a grain of salt.
A little lime and a shot of tequila.
"You seem familiar, have we followed each other before?" -- Twitter relationships
If weed was legal, I still wouldn't smoke it, and if alcohol was illegal, I still would drink it.
All my stars get tweets. What?!
You never see people with private accounts complain about getting stupid @'s now, do you?
Everyone on Twitter is offensive to someone else, I'm offensive to people that like good tweets.