If drinking alcohol makes me an alcoholic does drinking fanta make me fantastic

Grammar-The difference between knowing your shit and knowing you're shit.

Don't play with a girls heart she only has one, play with her tities instead she's got two of those.

Life is short, smile while you still have teeth.

Funny how I'm always on your mind but never in your heart.

You'll only know how deep love is once you fall in it.

Research says laughter can lengthen your life and smoking shortens it. So, I always chuckle between puffs.

If she's still ugly after the seventh beer, bring on the tequila.

I always thought you'd be my strength but you are no more than my craving, my temptation, my weakness.

Pain makes you stronger, tears make you braver, heartache makes you wiser and Vodka makes you forget all that crap.

Calm-Sutra ~ The art of staying cool and calm, whilst you're surrounded by morons.

My girlfriend keeps bitching about this girl from work being a slut. How can I get her number from the girlfriend, asking for a friend.

Propose your loved one today and you will have to buy her an anniversary gift only once every four years.

I wonder whether I of another universe am wondering if I from this universe is wondering about me of the other universe wondering about me.

What do you mean I'm a horny devil, what kind of devils are not horny.

So my dog and i were having a sandwich when he tells me he almost had sex with a unicorn once. What a pretentious son of a bitch.

Wait a minute you telling me that it's Thailand and not Thighland.

Always treat women with respect. Bitches love respect.

Sometimes I like to handcuff the girlfriend to the bed, drop my pants and watch the game in the living room.

I'd go miles for one of your smiles and even further for that thing you do with your back.