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  • duplicitron
      Nathan Buckley @duplicitron

    Once at church I opened my eyes during prayer and saw Jesus riding around on a wolf making sure everyone’s eyes were closed.

    • 6,286
    • FAVS
    RileyBrownCowkelseymurphyyYourTextSpokenJohn26649305ryanmiller_1ilyssiuhhhYell317paytatochip
    • 3,807
    • RETWEETS
    kennyhall2314AdityaKad10grant_lavertyDearRenaeGarciapurexshit_vivalaplutobrotherxnaturekernst2405
    charlzeroradtoriaArroiaBromanConsulDanielRCarrillosummerofbennyBenesh_vladchocEenfidelsethmcduffee______greenteam15101RaceyrobdelaneyJosesLovesYouispypandapattymoJordyHamrick______omarcheerioJermHimselfish
  • duplicitron
      Nathan Buckley @duplicitron

    You're hiking. Smokey the Bear appears smoking a cigar. He nods, flicks it into a pile of leaves and smiles, "No one will ever believe you."

    • 3,894
    • FAVS
    DarthArbiter00PaulSaharovJosieSeibertcbourque66almond_michaelMegggosaurusRexsloan_pollomKittyCat_08
    • 3,259
    • RETWEETS
    TOmaverickthemiwPaulSaharovhaleyirene_724HunterStithDWVARLEYpencourageThat_One_Guy_0
    Playing_DadquickpooperToneLoOnTheGoglenna_optGreenValentia1BigMicktravisauruss______SSDatedTomFuck4AristotlesNZ__SamGrittnerComedyCartermikescollinsMiahSaintbmarked21Kim_pulsiveshruglord
  • duplicitron
      Nathan Buckley @duplicitron

    When God made raccoons he was like do you want to be an old timey burglar or a trash digger. Too slow. You're both now.

    • 4,414
    • FAVS
    scott2tenJpCansterloribuckmajoronume_HunsuckrFarhanYassinNick_BustaPaulSaharov
    • 2,705
    • RETWEETS
    scott2tenonume_HunsuckrPaulSaharovtribeofgoatsxo_kaelaBlueGator4trystansawkward
    WhatevaConcPlaying_DadBromanConsulGrowlyGregoJasonLastnameghostmeowLostCatDoggavinpivottnaazihahFormerChildPeachCoffinPajamaBen_
  • duplicitron
      Nathan Buckley @duplicitron

    This pizza looks like a pie chart of 100% good news.

    • 2,808
    • FAVS
    dpazHalit_awalejollyrobberdavrus28876AHass5Bert_FFCthenesshadawsonsrslyyyyyyyyyyy
    • 1,579
    • RETWEETS
    dpazHalit_awalejollyrobberfelixccthelovelygirlRJNSmithObviousNicholeTARAblygood
    mikescollinszachreinert03CurranOnTheCobh3ll0d0llyNotthatAdamWestIrishVinOhDuarteKendragardenprimawesomeDALIAMALEK
  • duplicitron
      Nathan Buckley @duplicitron

    What if firemen acted like policemen and just drove around shooting water at anyone who looked like they might catch on fire.

    • 2,118
    • FAVS
    ItsyagirlJadesPaulSaharovcmwhitehurstmediumflowHannaahhCobbDsTwitzTheFIavorBlueB1gBrainsMcGee
    • 1,652
    • RETWEETS
    ItsyagirlJadesPaulSaharovphilipmilestoneMikeForesteraspIodedfavstar_historyAntiBakwasMr_Kapowski
    SamGrittnernaazihahgdflyesehhechtJermHimselfishchrisjoonior
  • duplicitron
      Nathan Buckley @duplicitron

    I accidentally grabbed the wrong shopping cart but am hoping this kid will stop screaming soon because I am not raising a cry baby.

    • 2,271
    • FAVS
    ItsyagirlJadescathywarKman8675Donna_McCoykrishna_vanTroublesince72Humor_FetishQueenofUrUnivrs
    • 1,105
    • RETWEETS
    ItsyagirlJadesEllelouisegirlKman8675Donna_McCoykrishna_vanTroublesince72BasicSteps100_JesusMendoza
    greenteam15lil_aracuanMiaThiNguyen
  • duplicitron
      Nathan Buckley @duplicitron

    Next time you’re swallowed by a whale, stand up through the blowhole like it’s a sunroof on a limo. Throw your arms up. Have some fun.

    • 2,000
    • FAVS
    alanhoundEmFlem13exilednickprerana_1096PaulSaharovsunil_ss7SoniaVaswaniwinki9
    • 1,314
    • RETWEETS
    Twittney1addiwolnskiWolfgang_erstElisaGeerEvaAdams33lucieprewchasepjalanhound
    grimpossiblelil_aracuantnylgnlawblobBassoonJokesTheDairylandDonKKAlThaniBuddyAckersweet_toofCelebrityChezrobfeePeppersprayJNeutrontrilogyVanCityNewbadamtrossgolfLola_Areola
  • duplicitron
      Nathan Buckley @duplicitron

    Just found out that a MILF doesn’t necessarily have to be your own mom.

    • 2,060
    • FAVS
    ryanmiller_1TrifleFeetPaulSaharovDaSalamonderprettygoodyearB1gBrainsMcGeesanityinabottleLoverOfComics94
    • 771
    • RETWEETS
    PaulSaharovRealShaughnJoceyDonanprettygoodyearLoverOfComics94ReginaldDennysMr_KapowskiChuckManMeat
    CVTBabyABurgerADay
  • duplicitron
      Nathan Buckley @duplicitron

    A little about me: my favorite song is happy birthday and my favorite band is just my mom singing it.

    • 2,183
    • FAVS
    ItsyagirlJadesSTati611mickey__hanleyjosh_asshan_caldwellmyname_isdougClaireMcGroganAlex_The_Lowe
    • 641
    • RETWEETS
    ItsyagirlJadesClaireContridanilovestayDylhanHarterTheGreatGame1thatchickgracienoeliagsoberonJustAGlassChild
  • duplicitron
      Nathan Buckley @duplicitron

    I accidentally left a blood orange next to a crip orange and now there’s fucking juice everywhere.

    • 1,863
    • FAVS
    4crps8kChoice_AgendaBDSinclairASJacobsSrYardboyAsheem71ewfeezrayyfrayy
    • 951
    • RETWEETS
    imlostinbooksPaulSaharovRealShaughnbelalunaetsyTHE_JM_GiancarloBFH1arrsay__Rasbanda_Manolo
    matt_obrienzoeklarSlickestOfRicksRummyLaudedSamGrittnerWetzelGeek
  • duplicitron
      Nathan Buckley @duplicitron

    Sometimes a family is walking towards you taking up the entire sidewalk and you have no choice but to just become part of that family.

    • 1,682
    • FAVS
    ItsyagirlJadesSleepingSuspectcathryn_wardPaulSaharov_odlanyeRLaBelleMaegiveusalolLilac__Sky
    • 766
    • RETWEETS
    Lexactlycathryn_wardPaulSaharovRealShaughnmordumAndrewBrauergiveusalolLilac__Sky
    REALityDUMBBigMedwardsCaseyMcCollum
  • duplicitron
      Nathan Buckley @duplicitron

    Well it took forever but I just paid the pizza guy entirely with the quarters I found behind his ears.

    • 1,697
    • FAVS
    seanRtierneyGetIncorrectiamspacegirlLndshrk504OuterJohnVikeeysSecret__bydesireelonglivelife_
    • 566
    • RETWEETS
    alisonofagun26GetIncorrectemportableeborg01ImmanuelNgsydgscottbearclaw_22ScottyMitchell1
    _Mo_lee_Home_Halfway
  • duplicitron
      Nathan Buckley @duplicitron

    Actually I’ve been a girl in like four different video games so I think I know what it’s like OK.

    • 1,487
    • FAVS
    PaulSaharovthedaela_odlanyeRLaBelleMaeJean_AbreunicholaspatriRIPJakearthursoltysj
    • 625
    • RETWEETS
    TheWalkingDougPaulSaharovRealShaughnmordumsoltysjMahmoud_Rotanihuffpaintgeoraffes
    SamGrittnerpattymororynotroyOhDuarteOhNoSheTwitntMandySlambergthe_kizzle
  • duplicitron
      Nathan Buckley @duplicitron

    Free joke for rats: Pick up a cashew and pretend to use it as a phone.

    • 1,375
    • FAVS
    PaulSaharov_odlanyeRLaBelleMaemrcraigulator_solarflareTawnyaDenicecloudypianosdarinlovesbacon
    • 424
    • RETWEETS
    PaulSaharovmrcraigulatorfavstar_history1BigMickElsebeestem_dasherevanapplegaterainordale
    pantsVanCityNewb
  • duplicitron
      Nathan Buckley @duplicitron

    I wish hot dogs were made out of the people that want to tell you what hot dogs are made out of.

    • 1,190
    • FAVS
    PaulSaharov_odlanyeRLaBelleMaebelalunaetsyLambyMcSheepsjmlaveyMeghanVarnumsoltysj
    • 572
    • RETWEETS
    PaulSaharovMeghanVarnumsoltysjSchlecktermattjk___hellyeah63EldieKaySufficientCharm
    naazihahmountainlexbrakco
  • duplicitron
      Nathan Buckley @duplicitron

    I just jumped over a frog and made him look so stupid in front of like all of nature.

    • 1,217
    • FAVS
    PaulSaharov_rickks_odlanyeRLaBelleMaeLambyMcSheepsjmlaveysydney_mariemsoltysj
    • 463
    • RETWEETS
    PaulSaharov_rickksfgb_sherlockgiventofly41soltysjBonelessMelongeishalynLynnLuig
    hottubpeejedfudallyNickBossRossglenna_optrorynotroylil_aracuan
  • duplicitron
      Nathan Buckley @duplicitron

    I want to have at least three kids so I can line them up and jump them with my bike.

    • 1,209
    • FAVS
    ngoodpasterelizabeth_l_georgialangrellleahhhduqueloganaraiDenyseRizzoDaveIsMelloalanhound
    • 435
    • RETWEETS
    JohnBoyLIVmikaylabaradatloganaraichasepjalanhoundPaulSaharovradioactDEVbobby_hawkins
    lil_aracuan
  • duplicitron
      Nathan Buckley @duplicitron

    I told this girl I wrote a song about her but really I just copied a soup recipe and replaced some of the vegetables with her name.

    • 1,084
    • FAVS
    PaulSaharovLaBelleMaeJean_AbreubelalunaetsystockejocknikhimselfsquibbleJonJon_Brown
    • 517
    • RETWEETS
    PaulSaharovmordumCVTBabyWhatsGoing_OngSarahKobrosly1littlefeatfanadvicefrommegSam_Alan33__
    ManateeJackIGotsSmartsCaseyMcCollum
  • duplicitron
      Nathan Buckley @duplicitron

    Ask someone for the time then disagree with them and ask someone else.

    • 1,119
    • FAVS
    oneofajillianHeart_chooKittyShittyyPeaceLoveWine_snolannaaeryreDonna_McCoyOldUncleDaveO
    • 476
    • RETWEETS
    oneofajillianHeart_chooDonna_McCoyOldUncleDaveOPaulSaharovgiventofly41soltysjmissworld9999
    CaseyMcCollumDanKCharnley
  • duplicitron
      Nathan Buckley @duplicitron

    Once a guy at the grocery store yelled at me to stop talking on a banana like a phone so I hung up and shot him with it.

    • 1,081
    • FAVS
    BobBX542mae_marsItsyagirlJadesCocoluv1908asinine17beanflikemelie_levinbubblyscrubbing
    • 427
    • RETWEETS
    BobBX542mae_marsasinine17beanflikDonna_McCoyLexactlyCkcatkSophieGramme
@duplicitron

@duplicitron

A wicker basket filled with lemons and writer at UCB Theater LA and iO West. http://favstar.fm/users/duplicitron

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