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  • duplicitron
      Nathan Buckley @duplicitron

    Once at church I opened my eyes during prayer and saw Jesus riding around on a wolf making sure everyone’s eyes were closed.

    • 5,649
    • FAVS
    jessronnJennaalalalalavenkaiceprincesLaBelleMaeGatrgrl0015kylepicknellwestbadeniron__k__a__b__
    • 3,510
    • RETWEETS
    OHAILEXAHHvenkaiceprincesLaBelleMaebrookvanillabamhanaskellingtnkkkkimberlyGarrettOnParadeArcticChimps92
    charlzeroradtoriaArroiaBromanConsulDanielRCarrillosummerofbennyBenesh_vladchocEenfidelsethmcduffee______greenteam15101RaceyrobdelaneyJosesLovesYouispypandapattymoJordyHamrick______JiminyKicksItJermHimselfish
  • duplicitron
      Nathan Buckley @duplicitron

    You're hiking. Smokey the Bear appears smoking a cigar. He nods, flicks it into a pile of leaves and smiles, "No one will ever believe you."

    • 3,729
    • FAVS
    LambyMcSheepsjoshdamncatheyNathanCruz19J_Hollaspork_and_knifeashhole16JordanAshleighRcloudypianos
    • 3,229
    • RETWEETS
    AndrewBrauerA_robb86joshdamncatheymatttjacksonCVTBabyRyanLaRichesoltysjRealJinjaNinja
    Playing_DadquickpooperToneLoOnTheGoglenna_optGreenValentia1BigMicktravisauruss______SSDatedTomFuck4AristotlesNZ__SamGrittnerComedyCartermikescollinsMiahSaintbmarked21Kim_pulsiveshruglord
  • duplicitron
      Nathan Buckley @duplicitron

    When God made raccoons he was like do you want to be an old timey burglar or a trash digger. Too slow. You're both now.

    • 4,250
    • FAVS
    LaBelleMaeLambyMcSheepsOGSashaSketchySpices0m4hannalikesdogsJ_GrrAubrieWynn88
    • 2,648
    • RETWEETS
    AndrewBrauerrankingTweetssmeempsmichael_romanosVickyCrenshawOGSashaLonely_SlicebryceTea_
    WhatevaConcPlaying_DadBromanConsulGrowlyGregoJasonLastnameghostmeowLostCatDoggavinpivottnaazihahFormerChildPeachCoffinPajamaBen_
  • duplicitron
      Nathan Buckley @duplicitron

    This pizza looks like a pie chart of 100% good news.

    • 2,788
    • FAVS
    LaBelleMaeFunnyBoneClubsdmutatiyakuza94930775TexasDZJosDonovanAUdarthBorkBorkulator
    • 1,560
    • RETWEETS
    jillianjaneWhatevaConcCoolAdult93cassandr_ahaLiberalFundopatrickorileyBonesGleetard7angelaafleming__
    mikescollinszachreinert03CurranOnTheCobh3ll0d0llyNotthatAdamWestIrishVinOhDuarteKendragardenprimawesomedaliamalek
  • duplicitron
      Nathan Buckley @duplicitron

    What if firemen acted like policemen and just drove around shooting water at anyone who looked like they might catch on fire.

    • 2,103
    • FAVS
    LaBelleMaethecreakMariaSmildeyablkojmlaveyhirsuiteofamouratanenhaussnook_matthew
    • 1,643
    • RETWEETS
    GarrettOnParadezomnqCoolAdult93CyrusJamesMusicmorggielovesyouTacoFetusTheUnDanielpatrickoriley
    SamGrittnernaazihahgdflyesehhechtJermHimselfishchrisjoonior
  • duplicitron
      Nathan Buckley @duplicitron

    Next time you’re swallowed by a whale, stand up through the blowhole like it’s a sunroof on a limo. Throw your arms up. Have some fun.

    • 1,984
    • FAVS
    LaBelleMaeSharkJellyhollyhenderson7ConnorMackenziiLalo0607atanenhausgesebellaAngelaEhh
    • 1,294
    • RETWEETS
    LaBelleMaeAndrewBrauerkellschhmcerk1017tuckerjoenzdebadeedebadahCoolAdult93jaggedape
    grimpossiblelil_aracuantnylgnlawblobBassoonJokesTheDairylandDonKKAlThaniBuddyAckersweet_toofCelebrityChezrobfeePeppersprayJNeutrontrilogyDJHouseSlippersMcJizzernutzLola_Areola
  • duplicitron
      Nathan Buckley @duplicitron

    I accidentally grabbed the wrong shopping cart but am hoping this kid will stop screaming soon because I am not raising a cry baby.

    • 2,186
    • FAVS
    ChristopherDic8kennyrutabegaalliemeooowLowkeyTwitsstinabitchinItBURNS1234JokrJakeCordillydally
    • 1,079
    • RETWEETS
    Incognitah_samelpanCameron_aaa_leyvasjohnthe_HUSSlerJoshDaffronClakeBentLaBelleMae
    greenteam15lil_aracuanartfeedsmia
  • duplicitron
      Nathan Buckley @duplicitron

    Just found out that a MILF doesn’t necessarily have to be your own mom.

    • 2,056
    • FAVS
    hanaskellingtnfudgeasaurIpsterVerdaderopinkflemingosbm1313jpkelly94jmlaveyjacksonroye
    • 768
    • RETWEETS
    AndrewBrauerTuffGeniusMrPragLetItBeAlexisLiterotica_commeinkampf13Doctor_Fucktardladyformidable
    CVTBabyABurgerADay
  • duplicitron
      Nathan Buckley @duplicitron

    I accidentally left a blood orange next to a crip orange and now there’s fucking juice everywhere.

    • 1,849
    • FAVS
    LaBelleMaeMurrayOverboardbelalunaetsyLambyMcSheepsUnfitForSaleIcedBMichaelZigelmanLisa_Bizzle
    • 948
    • RETWEETS
    belalunaetsyTHE_JM_Giancarlotfo1arrsayRasbanda_ManoloMaileyHayoaustinmmorganJHasan97
    matt_obrienmadamezoobleSlickestOfRicksRummyLaudedSamGrittnerWetzelGeek
  • duplicitron
      Nathan Buckley @duplicitron

    Sometimes a family is walking towards you taking up the entire sidewalk and you have no choice but to just become part of that family.

    • 1,680
    • FAVS
    LaBelleMaegiveusalolHappyGoFuckidysk_sophiaDillonFletchergreen_eyed_dollTweets_GoneWildRummyLauded
    • 763
    • RETWEETS
    AndrewBrauergiveusalolHappyGoFuckidyshadingomaamanonthemoon94Tweets_GoneWildgspartenmonialton
    REALityDUMBBigMedwardsCaseyMcCollum
  • duplicitron
      Nathan Buckley @duplicitron

    Actually I’ve been a girl in like four different video games so I think I know what it’s like OK.

    • 1,484
    • FAVS
    LaBelleMaeitsJeaniusnicholaspatriRIPJakearthursoltysjLizaFZkevincc13ihuffpaint
    • 621
    • RETWEETS
    soltysjMahmoud_RotanihuffpaintgeoraffesJoshporterfieldbigolfaggotmylifeishaljake_likes_naps
    SamGrittnerpattymororynotroyOhDuarteOhNoSheTwitntMandySlambergthe_kizzle
  • duplicitron
      Nathan Buckley @duplicitron

    Well it took forever but I just paid the pizza guy entirely with the quarters I found behind his ears.

    • 1,350
    • FAVS
    LaBelleMaeTattooedMeegspersisraneeQueenVictoriaVIwhomajigibrimullallylisabaggAlanWessman
    • 449
    • RETWEETS
    curlyreddesignapeltiFaithBlackGirlAndrewBrauerthethugdealerDangOlWillCmesser6Messertylermcjunkin26
    Home_Halfway
  • duplicitron
      Nathan Buckley @duplicitron

    Free joke for rats: Pick up a cashew and pretend to use it as a phone.

    • 1,373
    • FAVS
    LaBelleMaemrcraigulator_solarflareTawnyaDenicecloudypianosdarinlovesbaconAndrewHasCatspeachgrenade
    • 423
    • RETWEETS
    mrcraigulatorfavstar_history1BigMickElsebeestem_dasherevanapplegatePulsefireRainorgegtik
    pantsDJHouseSlippers
  • duplicitron
      Nathan Buckley @duplicitron

    I wish hot dogs were made out of the people that want to tell you what hot dogs are made out of.

    • 1,188
    • FAVS
    LaBelleMaebelalunaetsyLambyMcSheepsjmlaveyMeghanVarnumsoltysjHarris2415_swamphag
    • 571
    • RETWEETS
    MeghanVarnumsoltysjSchlecktermattjk_brownpoopypantsEldieKaySufficientCharmHuajatollaChic
    naazihahmountainlexbrakco
  • duplicitron
      Nathan Buckley @duplicitron

    I just jumped over a frog and made him look so stupid in front of like all of nature.

    • 1,214
    • FAVS
    LaBelleMaeLambyMcSheepsjmlaveysydney_mariemsoltysjHarris2415jamesjhamiltondokuyanemre
    • 459
    • RETWEETS
    soltysjBonelessMelongeishalynLynnLuigbubbathyjsamxmalonetrippingmellymeganshpettit
    hottubpeejedfudallyNickBossRossglenna_optrorynotroylil_aracuan
  • duplicitron
      Nathan Buckley @duplicitron

    I want to have at least three kids so I can line them up and jump them with my bike.

    • 1,202
    • FAVS
    namewasntakenLaBelleMaeBaldwinJustineMattaldiMhanaskellingtnitsJeaniusjaclynjo82CameronCrage
    • 432
    • RETWEETS
    LaBelleMaeMattaldiMjvitola02aleksanderwosikTh3PezDispencerahrehonnnnjefwin46mauraphobia
    lil_aracuan
  • duplicitron
      Nathan Buckley @duplicitron

    I told this girl I wrote a song about her but really I just copied a soup recipe and replaced some of the vegetables with her name.

    • 1,083
    • FAVS
    LaBelleMaeitsJeaniusbelalunaetsystockejocknikhimselfsquibbleJonJon_Brownkurbstomper
    • 515
    • RETWEETS
    CVTBabyWhatsGoing_OngSarahKobrosly1littlefeatfanadvicefrommegSam_Alan33__ReaAmbrosiALaura_Knoxville
    ManateeJackIGotsSmartsCaseyMcCollum
  • duplicitron
      Nathan Buckley @duplicitron

    Ask someone for the time then disagree with them and ask someone else.

    • 1,114
    • FAVS
    LaBelleMaeLambyMcSheepsjoeyb_bridgeSam75283744turnoffthissongdarkwingfunkStaceeeeeyyyyyFaithKuzma
    • 471
    • RETWEETS
    giventofly41soltysjmissworld9999KimJongNealeyouunicornsyounotyourpapapunditcommentTheLostCause_
    CaseyMcCollumDanKCharnley
  • duplicitron
      Nathan Buckley @duplicitron

    Once a guy at the grocery store yelled at me to stop talking on a banana like a phone so I hung up and shot him with it.

    • 1,012
    • FAVS
    NG5_KevinFarzadDVHoefcee_ryanLaBelleMaeDancesWithTamisitsJeaniusRighttodd
    • 409
    • RETWEETS
    eeverafterrheathie17ppgcee_ryanAndrewBrauerRighttoddDangOlWillfavstar1000favsAnonymousN3RD
  • duplicitron
      Nathan Buckley @duplicitron

    Look I'm sorry about your lamp but automatic karate is a serious disease.

    • 993
    • FAVS
    LaBelleMaeLambyMcSheepsjmlaveyWhoopdeedoo22jewfacekillaElleOhHellchristinawilderLeeptheSneak
    • 409
    • RETWEETS
    LambyMcSheepsLeeptheSneaksomecleverthingCharmandBrainsvictorialingeSmiley_VirusssSam_Alan33__LukeIsSexy
    craydriennescrirc____________weinerdog4life
@duplicitron

@duplicitron
Pro

A wicker basket filled with lemons and writer at UCB Theater LA and iO West. http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/e63aec1c00/garbage-wolf-rebel-nerd