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  • duplicitron
      Nathan Buckley @duplicitron

    Once at church I opened my eyes during prayer and saw Jesus riding around on a wolf making sure everyone’s eyes were closed.

    • 5,826
    • FAVS
    pointlessallyroxiesaltsamuellindelvvcssubastiaun_pls_anaguacamoletrickybritnecropolitan
    • 3,586
    • RETWEETS
    justinsideyou_slimshitty666Greeniydbanditroxiesalt_anaguacamoledianalunarejai_am_kalinnickcaito
    charlzeroradtoriaArroiaBromanConsulDanielRCarrillosummerofbennyBenesh_vladchocEenfidelsethmcduffee______greenteam15101RaceyrobdelaneyJosesLovesYouispypandapattymoJordyHamrick______JiminyKicksItJermHimselfish
  • duplicitron
      Nathan Buckley @duplicitron

    You're hiking. Smokey the Bear appears smoking a cigar. He nods, flicks it into a pile of leaves and smiles, "No one will ever believe you."

    • 3,729
    • FAVS
    BenDoughertyaklingusLambyMcSheepsjoshdamncatheyNathanCruz19J_Hollaspork_and_knifeashhole16
    • 3,229
    • RETWEETS
    krisshafferphoinosHank_ShoemallAndrewBrauerA_robb86joshdamncatheymatttjacksonCVTBaby
    Playing_DadquickpooperToneLoOnTheGoglenna_optGreenValentia1BigMicktravisauruss______SSDatedTomFuck4AristotlesNZ__SamGrittnerComedyCartermikescollinsMiahSaintbmarked21Kim_pulsiveshruglord
  • duplicitron
      Nathan Buckley @duplicitron

    When God made raccoons he was like do you want to be an old timey burglar or a trash digger. Too slow. You're both now.

    • 4,267
    • FAVS
    keylagerfartpowder_odlanyeRQuintenCawthonmetafrothrayray8894RobotOwldylanfivetimes
    • 2,655
    • RETWEETS
    sandwichJOYOlivia_FrancescjlmccashawnFrisbie06kittyleopardtgharmanChuckOnDaGeetarphlah
    WhatevaConcPlaying_DadBromanConsulGrowlyGregoJasonLastnameghostmeowLostCatDoggavinpivottnaazihahFormerChildPeachCoffinPajamaBen_
  • duplicitron
      Nathan Buckley @duplicitron

    This pizza looks like a pie chart of 100% good news.

    • 2,792
    • FAVS
    tyler_owen5oxbat_odlanyeRYo_Simmity_SamLaBelleMaeFunnyBoneClubsdmutatiyakuza94930775
    • 1,563
    • RETWEETS
    sandwichJOYMSWard52aksbuzzjillianjaneWhatevaConcCoolAdult93cassandr_ahaOyeBatti
    mikescollinszachreinert03CurranOnTheCobh3ll0d0llyNotthatAdamWestIrishVinOhDuarteKendragardenprimawesomedaliamalek
  • duplicitron
      Nathan Buckley @duplicitron

    What if firemen acted like policemen and just drove around shooting water at anyone who looked like they might catch on fire.

    • 2,106
    • FAVS
    chuchugoogooTomPlute_odlanyeRLaBelleMaethecreakMariaSmildeyablkojmlavey
    • 1,644
    • RETWEETS
    TomPluteGarrettOnParadezomnqCoolAdult93CyrusJamesMusicmorggielovesyouTacoFetusTheUnDaniel
    SamGrittnernaazihahgdflyesehhechtJermHimselfishchrisjoonior
  • duplicitron
      Nathan Buckley @duplicitron

    I accidentally grabbed the wrong shopping cart but am hoping this kid will stop screaming soon because I am not raising a cry baby.

    • 2,228
    • FAVS
    _odlanyeRmissworld9999philboxallmat_perryGenHeathnatdowdsnils86Ckklara
    • 1,096
    • RETWEETS
    mordummissworld9999moniquecooltjukkkPatrickpunktFFrallsmulaTimEdgrenelinanordstrm
    greenteam15lil_aracuanartfeedsmia
  • duplicitron
      Nathan Buckley @duplicitron

    Next time you’re swallowed by a whale, stand up through the blowhole like it’s a sunroof on a limo. Throw your arms up. Have some fun.

    • 1,985
    • FAVS
    _odlanyeRLaBelleMaeSharkJellyhollyhenderson7ConnorMackenziiLalo0607atanenhausgesebella
    • 1,294
    • RETWEETS
    LaBelleMaeAndrewBrauerkellschhmcerk1017tuckerjoenzdebadeedebadahCoolAdult93jaggedape
    grimpossiblelil_aracuantnylgnlawblobBassoonJokesTheDairylandDonKKAlThaniBuddyAckersweet_toofCelebrityChezrobfeePeppersprayJNeutrontrilogyDJHouseSlippersMcJizzernutzLola_Areola
  • duplicitron
      Nathan Buckley @duplicitron

    Just found out that a MILF doesn’t necessarily have to be your own mom.

    • 2,058
    • FAVS
    sebassoler66fefespeaksDanKCharnley_odlanyeRfi_ryhanaskellingtn__fudgeasaurEusMuj
    • 768
    • RETWEETS
    ChuckManMeat69shadesoftaarAndrewBrauerTuffGeniusMrPrag_LexxiferLiterotica_commeinkampf13
    CVTBabyABurgerADay
  • duplicitron
      Nathan Buckley @duplicitron

    I accidentally left a blood orange next to a crip orange and now there’s fucking juice everywhere.

    • 1,849
    • FAVS
    LaBelleMaeMurrayOverboardbelalunaetsyLambyMcSheepsUnfitForSaleIcedBMichaelZigelmanLisa_Bizzle
    • 948
    • RETWEETS
    belalunaetsyTHE_JM_GiancarloBFH1arrsay__Rasbanda_ManoloMaileyHayoaustinmmorganJHasan97
    matt_obrienmadamezoobleSlickestOfRicksRummyLaudedSamGrittnerWetzelGeek
  • duplicitron
      Nathan Buckley @duplicitron

    Sometimes a family is walking towards you taking up the entire sidewalk and you have no choice but to just become part of that family.

    • 1,681
    • FAVS
    _odlanyeRLaBelleMaegiveusalolLola_Your_Bunnysk_sophiaDillonFletchergreen_eyed_dollTweets_GoneWild
    • 764
    • RETWEETS
    mordumAndrewBrauergiveusalolLola_Your_Bunnyshadingomaamanonthemoon94Tweets_GoneWildgsparten
    REALityDUMBBigMedwardsCaseyMcCollum
  • duplicitron
      Nathan Buckley @duplicitron

    Actually I’ve been a girl in like four different video games so I think I know what it’s like OK.

    • 1,485
    • FAVS
    _odlanyeRLaBelleMaeitsJeaniusnicholaspatriRIPJakearthursoltysjLizaFZkevincc13
    • 622
    • RETWEETS
    mordumsoltysjMahmoud_RotanihuffpaintgeoraffesJoshporterfieldbigolfaggotmylifeishal
    SamGrittnerpattymororynotroyOhDuarteOhNoSheTwitntMandySlambergthe_kizzle
  • duplicitron
      Nathan Buckley @duplicitron

    Well it took forever but I just paid the pizza guy entirely with the quarters I found behind his ears.

    • 1,367
    • FAVS
    mysweetcunnympacattealittlefield7ZedKamuzutheJOSHsound_odlanyeRMentToBragphilboxall
    • 457
    • RETWEETS
    mysweetcunnympacatteEricTheGoerRStudbakert_womeldorffjuicelikerkristinbrinermikewaldron115
    Home_Halfway
  • duplicitron
      Nathan Buckley @duplicitron

    Free joke for rats: Pick up a cashew and pretend to use it as a phone.

    • 1,374
    • FAVS
    _odlanyeRLaBelleMaemrcraigulator_solarflareTawnyaDenicecloudypianosdarinlovesbaconAndrewHasCats
    • 423
    • RETWEETS
    mrcraigulatorfavstar_history1BigMickElsebeestem_dasherevanapplegatePulsefireRainorgegtik
    pantsDJHouseSlippers
  • duplicitron
      Nathan Buckley @duplicitron

    I wish hot dogs were made out of the people that want to tell you what hot dogs are made out of.

    • 1,189
    • FAVS
    _odlanyeRLaBelleMaebelalunaetsyLambyMcSheepsjmlaveyMeghanVarnumsoltysjHarris2415
    • 571
    • RETWEETS
    MeghanVarnumsoltysjSchlecktermattjk___hellyeah63EldieKaySufficientCharmHuajatollaChic
    naazihahmountainlexbrakco
  • duplicitron
      Nathan Buckley @duplicitron

    I just jumped over a frog and made him look so stupid in front of like all of nature.

    • 1,215
    • FAVS
    _odlanyeRLaBelleMaeLambyMcSheepsjmlaveysydney_mariemsoltysjHarris2415jamesjhamilton
    • 459
    • RETWEETS
    soltysjBonelessMelongeishalynLynnLuigbubbathyjsamxmalonetrippingmellymeganshpettit
    hottubpeejedfudallyNickBossRossglenna_optrorynotroylil_aracuan
  • duplicitron
      Nathan Buckley @duplicitron

    I want to have at least three kids so I can line them up and jump them with my bike.

    • 1,207
    • FAVS
    soonerick76kevinjmac17radioactDEVbobby_hawkins_odlanyeRColleen_BrownnMyke_EBcakestein
    • 433
    • RETWEETS
    radioactDEVbobby_hawkinsmissworld9999GabbieComptonSuvieDCLaBelleMaeMattaldiMjvitola02
    lil_aracuan
  • duplicitron
      Nathan Buckley @duplicitron

    I told this girl I wrote a song about her but really I just copied a soup recipe and replaced some of the vegetables with her name.

    • 1,083
    • FAVS
    LaBelleMaeitsJeaniusbelalunaetsystockejocknikhimselfsquibbleJonJon_Brownkurbstomper
    • 516
    • RETWEETS
    mordumCVTBabyWhatsGoing_OngSarahKobrosly1littlefeatfanadvicefrommegSam_Alan33__ReaAmbrosiA
    ManateeJackIGotsSmartsCaseyMcCollum
  • duplicitron
      Nathan Buckley @duplicitron

    A little about me: my favorite song is happy birthday and my favorite band is just my mom singing it.

    • 1,228
    • FAVS
    4gottenBoneyardjloeprochangryaznSamanthaKellieSjewfacekillamerrilldavisColton_Dudamadeleinedoux
    • 360
    • RETWEETS
    brynnekoonzjloeprodavidcskiverAveCrall_Kitsch_Bitsch94Lnenadstranger_callsTomSnyder12
  • duplicitron
      Nathan Buckley @duplicitron

    Ask someone for the time then disagree with them and ask someone else.

    • 1,116
    • FAVS
    _odlanyeRHollyMemphisLaBelleMaeLambyMcSheepsjoeyb_bridgeYo_Simmity_Samturnoffthissongdarkwingfunk
    • 471
    • RETWEETS
    giventofly41soltysjmissworld9999KimJongNealeyouunicornsyounotyourpapapunditcommentTheLostCause_
    CaseyMcCollumDanKCharnley
  • duplicitron
      Nathan Buckley @duplicitron

    Once a guy at the grocery store yelled at me to stop talking on a banana like a phone so I hung up and shot him with it.

    • 1,055
    • FAVS
    _odlanyeRj_massacciGringoXavDrGhostbabyFrenulumBreveSamReidSaysTipsycaekFrigginboom
    • 422
    • RETWEETS
    mordumdtipsonSaulKewlJonathanKennisrebeccaglintalknerdyDMUrenniewritesMarloBC1
@duplicitron

@duplicitron
Pro

A wicker basket filled with lemons and writer at UCB Theater LA and iO West. http://t.co/0OCZ0DZPzu