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  • duplicitron
      Nathan Buckley @duplicitron

    Once at church I opened my eyes during prayer and saw Jesus riding around on a wolf making sure everyone’s eyes were closed.

    • 6,281
    • FAVS
    nelsonmuntzjrWendyumallahBenjaminBoyersirvin_bonniephranqueighUnionStationCGkatiemangusMarkMcKiernan_
    • 3,802
    • RETWEETS
    kweeks90irvin_bonnieElasticHippograciefolksRobbyJGeorgeAndrewMillerKCbexchilltonmegsmiam
    charlzeroradtoriaArroiaBromanConsulDanielRCarrillosummerofbennyBenesh_vladchocEenfidelsethmcduffee______greenteam15101RaceyrobdelaneyJosesLovesYouispypandapattymoJordyHamrick______JiminyKicksIt__JermHimselfish
  • duplicitron
      Nathan Buckley @duplicitron

    You're hiking. Smokey the Bear appears smoking a cigar. He nods, flicks it into a pile of leaves and smiles, "No one will ever believe you."

    • 3,893
    • FAVS
    PaulSaharovJosieSeibertcbourque66almond_michaelMegggosaurusRexsloan_pollomKittyCat_08alexisannejones
    • 3,259
    • RETWEETS
    PaulSaharovhaleyirene_724HunterStithDWVARLEYpencourageThat_One_Guy_0TheGtenpmroshel
    Playing_DadquickpooperToneLoOnTheGoglenna_optGreenValentia1BigMicktravisauruss______SSDatedTomFuck4AristotlesNZ__SamGrittnerComedyCartermikescollinsMiahSaintbmarked21Kim_pulsiveshruglord
  • duplicitron
      Nathan Buckley @duplicitron

    When God made raccoons he was like do you want to be an old timey burglar or a trash digger. Too slow. You're both now.

    • 4,414
    • FAVS
    JpCansterloribuckmajoronume_HunsuckrFarhanYassinNick_BustaPaulSaharovofficialjesusHD
    • 2,705
    • RETWEETS
    onume_HunsuckrPaulSaharovtribeofgoatsxo_kaelaPyAdventurertrystansawkwardThatDudeEnrique
    WhatevaConcPlaying_DadBromanConsulGrowlyGregoJasonLastnameghostmeowLostCatDoggavinpivottnaazihahFormerChildPeachCoffinPajamaBen_
  • duplicitron
      Nathan Buckley @duplicitron

    This pizza looks like a pie chart of 100% good news.

    • 2,795
    • FAVS
    PaulSaharovB1gBrainsMcGeeMr_Kapowskityler_owen5oxbat___odlanyeRYo_Simmity_SamLaBelleMae
    • 1,567
    • RETWEETS
    PaulSaharovPiyupleShastiniMr_KapowskisandwichJOYMSWard52aksbuzzjillianjane
    mikescollinszachreinert03CurranOnTheCobh3ll0d0llyNotthatAdamWestIrishVinOhDuarteKendragardenprimawesomeDALIAMALEK
  • duplicitron
      Nathan Buckley @duplicitron

    What if firemen acted like policemen and just drove around shooting water at anyone who looked like they might catch on fire.

    • 2,117
    • FAVS
    PaulSaharovcmwhitehurstmediumflowHannaahhCobbDsTwitzTheFIavorBlueB1gBrainsMcGeeBakwasTweets
    • 1,651
    • RETWEETS
    PaulSaharovphilipmilestoneMikeForesteraspIodedfavstar_historyBakwasTweetsMr_KapowskiTomPlute
    SamGrittnernaazihahgdflyesehhechtJermHimselfishchrisjoonior
  • duplicitron
      Nathan Buckley @duplicitron

    I accidentally grabbed the wrong shopping cart but am hoping this kid will stop screaming soon because I am not raising a cry baby.

    • 2,269
    • FAVS
    Troublesince72Humor_FetishQueenofUrUnivrsCookieVangelistIlovelamp1979PaulSaharovSophieGrammeTatantrum
    • 1,103
    • RETWEETS
    Troublesince72BasicSteps100_JesusMendozaOne_FineMessHankB_WritesPaulSaharovsaraa_cottrill_Lamar
    greenteam15lil_aracuanartfeedsmia
  • duplicitron
      Nathan Buckley @duplicitron

    Next time you’re swallowed by a whale, stand up through the blowhole like it’s a sunroof on a limo. Throw your arms up. Have some fun.

    • 2,000
    • FAVS
    alanhoundEmFlem13exilednickprerana_1096PaulSaharovsunil_ss7SoniaVaswaniwinki9
    • 1,308
    • RETWEETS
    chasepjalanhoundsteph_masekPaulSaharovsunil_ss7santu2580winki9untamedlecturer
    grimpossiblelil_aracuantnylgnlawblobBassoonJokesTheDairylandDonKKAlThaniBuddyAckersweet_toofCelebrityChezrobfeePeppersprayJNeutrontrilogyVanCityNewbadamtrossgolfLola_Areola
  • duplicitron
      Nathan Buckley @duplicitron

    Just found out that a MILF doesn’t necessarily have to be your own mom.

    • 2,060
    • FAVS
    ryanmiller_1TrifleFeetPaulSaharovDaSalamonderprettygoodyearB1gBrainsMcGeesanityinabottleLoverOfComics94
    • 771
    • RETWEETS
    PaulSaharovRealShaughnJoceyDonanprettygoodyearLoverOfComics94ReginaldDennysMr_KapowskiChuckManMeat
    CVTBabyABurgerADay
  • duplicitron
      Nathan Buckley @duplicitron

    A little about me: my favorite song is happy birthday and my favorite band is just my mom singing it.

    • 2,183
    • FAVS
    DylhanHarterKeithTanmanTheGreatGame1DCMisanthropeC_Dunn18thatchickgracieTangoMcEffriekalllleeyyy
    • 641
    • RETWEETS
    danilovestayDylhanHarterTheGreatGame1thatchickgracienoeliagsoberonJustAGlassChildLeeuth_hannahgoethe
  • duplicitron
      Nathan Buckley @duplicitron

    I accidentally left a blood orange next to a crip orange and now there’s fucking juice everywhere.

    • 1,851
    • FAVS
    PaulSaharovarjunLaBelleMaeMurrayOverboardbelalunaetsyLambyMcSheepsUnfitForSaleIcedB
    • 950
    • RETWEETS
    PaulSaharovRealShaughnbelalunaetsyTHE_JM_GiancarloBFH1arrsay__Rasbanda_ManoloMaileyHayo
    matt_obrienzoeklarSlickestOfRicksRummyLaudedSamGrittnerWetzelGeek
  • duplicitron
      Nathan Buckley @duplicitron

    Sometimes a family is walking towards you taking up the entire sidewalk and you have no choice but to just become part of that family.

    • 1,682
    • FAVS
    SleepingSuspectcathryn_wardPaulSaharov_odlanyeRLaBelleMaegiveusalolLilac__Skysk_sophia
    • 766
    • RETWEETS
    cathryn_wardPaulSaharovRealShaughnmordumAndrewBrauergiveusalolLilac__Skyshadingomaa
    REALityDUMBBigMedwardsCaseyMcCollum
  • duplicitron
      Nathan Buckley @duplicitron

    Well it took forever but I just paid the pizza guy entirely with the quarters I found behind his ears.

    • 1,697
    • FAVS
    VikeeysSecretPeasdlonglivelife_ethanwright013ashleyburgersThe_Swizzleeborg01rosealustbader
    • 565
    • RETWEETS
    eborg01ImmanuelNgsydgscottbearclaw_22ScottyMitchell1TJtheVWako_ZachoDan_YoeSmells
    _Mo_lee_Home_Halfway
  • duplicitron
      Nathan Buckley @duplicitron

    Actually I’ve been a girl in like four different video games so I think I know what it’s like OK.

    • 1,487
    • FAVS
    PaulSaharovthedaela_odlanyeRLaBelleMaeitsJeaniusnicholaspatriRIPJakearthursoltysj
    • 625
    • RETWEETS
    TheWalkingDougPaulSaharovRealShaughnmordumsoltysjMahmoud_Rotanihuffpaintgeoraffes
    SamGrittnerpattymororynotroyOhDuarteOhNoSheTwitntMandySlambergthe_kizzle
  • duplicitron
      Nathan Buckley @duplicitron

    Free joke for rats: Pick up a cashew and pretend to use it as a phone.

    • 1,375
    • FAVS
    PaulSaharov_odlanyeRLaBelleMaemrcraigulator_solarflareTawnyaDenicecloudypianosdarinlovesbacon
    • 424
    • RETWEETS
    PaulSaharovmrcraigulatorfavstar_history1BigMickElsebeestem_dasherevanapplegatemankdemes
    pantsVanCityNewb
  • duplicitron
      Nathan Buckley @duplicitron

    I wish hot dogs were made out of the people that want to tell you what hot dogs are made out of.

    • 1,190
    • FAVS
    PaulSaharov_odlanyeRLaBelleMaebelalunaetsyLambyMcSheepsjmlaveyMeghanVarnumsoltysj
    • 572
    • RETWEETS
    PaulSaharovMeghanVarnumsoltysjSchlecktermattjk___hellyeah63EldieKaySufficientCharm
    naazihahmountainlexbrakco
  • duplicitron
      Nathan Buckley @duplicitron

    I just jumped over a frog and made him look so stupid in front of like all of nature.

    • 1,217
    • FAVS
    PaulSaharov_rickks_odlanyeRLaBelleMaeLambyMcSheepsjmlaveysydney_mariemsoltysj
    • 463
    • RETWEETS
    PaulSaharov_rickksfgb_sherlockgiventofly41soltysjBonelessMelongeishalynLynnLuig
    hottubpeejedfudallyNickBossRossglenna_optrorynotroylil_aracuan
  • duplicitron
      Nathan Buckley @duplicitron

    I want to have at least three kids so I can line them up and jump them with my bike.

    • 1,209
    • FAVS
    ngoodpasterelizabeth_l_georgialangrellleahhhduqueloganaraiDenyseRizzoDaveIsMelloalanhound
    • 435
    • RETWEETS
    JohnBoyLIVmikaylabaradatloganaraichasepjalanhoundPaulSaharovradioactDEVbobby_hawkins
    lil_aracuan
  • duplicitron
      Nathan Buckley @duplicitron

    I told this girl I wrote a song about her but really I just copied a soup recipe and replaced some of the vegetables with her name.

    • 1,084
    • FAVS
    PaulSaharovLaBelleMaeitsJeaniusbelalunaetsystockejocknikhimselfsquibbleJonJon_Brown
    • 517
    • RETWEETS
    PaulSaharovmordumCVTBabyWhatsGoing_OngSarahKobrosly1littlefeatfanadvicefrommegSam_Alan33__
    ManateeJackIGotsSmartsCaseyMcCollum
  • duplicitron
      Nathan Buckley @duplicitron

    Ask someone for the time then disagree with them and ask someone else.

    • 1,118
    • FAVS
    OldUncleDaveOPaulSaharov_odlanyeRHollyMemphisLaBelleMaeLambyMcSheepsjoeyb_bridgeYo_Simmity_Sam
    • 473
    • RETWEETS
    OldUncleDaveOPaulSaharovgiventofly41soltysjmissworld9999KimJongNealeyouunicornsyounotyourpapa
    CaseyMcCollumDanKCharnley
  • duplicitron
      Nathan Buckley @duplicitron

    Once a guy at the grocery store yelled at me to stop talking on a banana like a phone so I hung up and shot him with it.

    • 1,074
    • FAVS
    xsk_christinaCkcatkstephybaby1024SophieGrammePaulSaharovheatlebjornnicholskelseyTorrieVogt
    • 424
    • RETWEETS
    CkcatkSophieGrammePaulSaharovs_vail24fireofdevotionrickrecordistshhruggTwobit333
@duplicitron

@duplicitron
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A wicker basket filled with lemons and writer at UCB Theater LA and iO West. http://favstar.fm/users/duplicitron

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