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After taking 90 7-year-olds on a field trip to the Natural History Museum, I realized their favorite exhibit was "Elevator Buttons."
I'm old enough to remember when "America's Got Talent" was "The Gong Show"
You'd all think a lot differently about "Finding Nemo" if I told you "Nemo" was what Ellen named her strap-on.
I left my heart in san francisco but my uterus fell out somewhere near poughkeepsie.
"How many blow jobs over the speed limit was I going Officer?"
Hey kids, if someone’s pressuring you to drink alcohol or smoke weed, they’re not cool, they’re rad as hell and you should definitely do it
Jason Collins came out, is top trend on Twitter and Bill Clinton issued a statement. Should we tell kids it doesn't always happen like that?
I really don't think you're gonna need that U-Haul... I'm only moving you to the friend zone
same bit, different hay.
Do you remember when you'd go out and nobody could contact you until you got home?
I miss that.
"Is this delivery, nigger?" "No, nigger. It's DiGiorno." - DiGiorno Unchained
It seems silly that every ex-president gets a library. George W. Bush should've gotten a laser tag place or a bowling alley.
"And that's why I can't cum unless there's a gun in in my mouth. Anyway, enough about me, can I get ya'll started with some appetizers?"
47yo gay male. Single again after 19yr LTR. Didn't take long to learn that in the eyes of my community, I may as well be dead.