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I changed my facebook status to "widowed" just to let any ghosts know that I'm DTF
Turn around, bright eyes. *I give you the finger*
You think things are bad now? Wait until we see the material written by the kids who grew up loving Family Guy.
When I was a film critic at the New York Times I ended every review with "But I never directed a movie and this guy did, so what do I know?"
Baz Luhrmann's making Great Gatsby in 3D, because those shirts are the most beautiful Daisy had ever seen FLYING INTO HER FACE!
I wish I had a cat. It's not the same singing "Lady in Red" to a pile of cushions.
I didn't watch Mitt's concession. He just sang "Daisy" I assume.
The Rothko prints in the doctor waiting room are less reassuring when you know he overdosed on antidepressants and sliced open his wrists
I like my password security like I like my men. Weak, easily compromised and with more than 8 digits.
I know who Banksy really is. It's UN Secretary Ban Ki-Moon. If you think about it, it's obvious.
I thought maybe I should put more effort into getting laid, then I remembered it was both Movember & NaNoWriMo and my body auto-castrated
Pinter. Pinterer. Pinterest.
Can I make a kickstarter to buy a gun?
I woke up early to see what Santa Flag left in my Flag Stocking. Surprise! It was flags. #todayisflagday
I think this superbowl might be the lowest point of my year. My interest in advertising, sports, and millionaire rapists is 0.
Home Umami Home
Beyonce's baby isn't really named "Blue Ivy." It's just a dodge to throw off the media. The baby's name is "Return of the Jedi."