@dysolution's (Jordan Peterson) most faved Tweets...
I'm shocked by the embarrassing things people email to their whole department when they leave their workstation unlocked.
Milk and cookies glued to the coffee table. Freshly tarred roof. New chest freezer in the garage.
Now we wait.
Now we wait.
A man in a costume brought me presents. I tried to sit on his lap, but he punched me and got into his brown truck and drove away.
You all said I was crazy to save all these soy sauce packets. How's your post-apocalyptic squirrel? Oh, what's that? NEEDS A LITTLE SALT?
I've never had to finish a bar fight, primarily because most tough guys won't risk getting their ass beaten by a suddenly naked man.
When the kids in the next room get really quiet you know that their new toy is a hit. Like those plastic bags I just gave them.
That beeping sound means my mac & cheese has just finished and my shame and sadness have just begun.
Your friends say that you've been getting really creeped out by some guy that's been stalking you.
But they don't know you.
Not like I do.
But they don't know you.
Not like I do.
When I bite into a York Peppermint Pattie, I get the sensation that I'm one step closer to adult-onset diabetes.
At the Gwar show tonight I'll be screaming and covered head to toe with blood and semen, which hasn't happened since Boy Scouts.
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