What's the deal with all the padded tubetops this year? Doesn't anyone like nipples anymore?

I recommend sleeping in at least once a day.

That point in a date when you no longer care how drunk or full you are, because you know he's not getting any.

I want to be in a flashmob. I'd settle for an orgy.

"First we get the Jello, then we make the Jello, and THEN we get to have a Jello bath." - Me, about Jello.

Things I love: Instant Karma. See also 'Things I hate'.

Today's Agenda: Stimulants.

What I learned today:

Speaking of weed, I just realized what's been missing from my night.

I'm teaching a new class, called Advanced Sleeping 101. Lesson Plan: Days 1 - 180: Sleep. Day 181: Alarm Smashing and Phone Smothering.

If you can't trust Burger King then who can you trust.

Childless until Sunday. Drugs on the way. Two dates tonite. I feel like fucking screaming. Awesome sauce!

The danger of falling asleep is over. The demon, I mean child, is up and we're going to go skate the fuck out of the park.

I have better credit with my drug dealer than I do with my bank.

Dear Men: Your phone is fair game. Don't like it? Lock it. And if you lock it, we know something's up anyway. Where was I going with this?

Putting my clothes back on, and going to get icecream sandwiches and more beer. Did you hear that heatwave? Yeah, fuck you, I win!

Warning: Do not starting pussy spanking unless you are prepared to follow through with pussy eating. Penalty: Death by dismemberment.

Waking up naked on your stomach to a sexy man slipping it in ya, priceless.

Twitter: the first thing ever to distract me from gaming *bows to master*

That awkward moment when your 1st choice booty call texts you back, and you have to find a way to ditch your backup. #ohyesidid #dontjudgeme