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"One does not simply 'W-A-L-K' into Mordor." -Boromir, speaking to Frodo around his pet cocker spaniel
How are you this evening?
I'm doing fine, officer.
You were in construction zone? Fines are double.
Sorry, I'm doing fine-fine, officer.
*IRS auditor pushes glasses up, straightens papers*
"Mr. Jay-Z, I hate to bother you, but I ran the numbers & came up with 107 problems."
writing you this letter while stuck on a dessert island. cannoli hope to get saved. ice cream, but no one hears me. tiramisu so much.
b u t t s
☆。 ★。 ☆
Making up words is one of my strengthnesses. Alas, it's also a weakngth.
George W Bush & Dick Cheney eating spaghetti. As they suck up from the same noodle, their heads come together & knock over the twin towers.
Parents, your kids are texting sinners!!
LMAO: Loosening my abortion outfit
TGIF: That's good infused-weed fudge
BRB: Bring ripe boobies
Nerd 'To Do' List:
❒ Buy a store
❒ Add automatic doors
❒ Change name of store to 'Mordor'
❒ Simply walk into store
❒ Win bet with friend
Blaul Blart: Blall Blop
She said she wanted to bump uglies. So, naturally, I got all showered & freshened up and then I rammed my Ford Pinto into her Honda Element.
Tumblr moms choose Gif.
"Let me verb your adjective noun."
"Verb me your adjective, adjective noun… adverbially."
"Verb me. Verb me. Adjective!"
Rejected Yankee Candle Scents:
• Halibut with Lime
• Rail of Coke
• Macy's credit card
• Carbon credits
active imagination, right-brained (artsy) yet dorky brewery accountant, foodie, bourbon snob, poodle wrangler, dental floss tycoon
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