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"One does not simply 'W-A-L-K' into Mordor." -Boromir, speaking to Frodo around his pet cocker spaniel
How are you this evening?
I'm doing fine, officer.
You were in construction zone? Fines are double.
Sorry, I'm doing fine-fine, officer.
*IRS auditor pushes glasses up, straightens papers*
"Mr. Jay-Z, I hate to bother you, but I ran the numbers & came up with 107 problems."
writing you this letter while stuck on a dessert island. cannoli hope to get saved. ice cream, but no one hears me. tiramisu so much.
b u t t s
☆。 ★。 ☆
Making up words is one of my strengthnesses. Alas, it's also a weakngth.
George W Bush & Dick Cheney eating spaghetti. As they suck up from the same noodle, their heads come together & knock over the twin towers.
Parents, your kids are texting sinners!!
LMAO: Loosening my abortion outfit
TGIF: That's good infused-weed fudge
BRB: Bring ripe boobies
Nerd 'To Do' List:
❒ Buy a store
❒ Add automatic doors
❒ Change name of store to 'Mordor'
❒ Simply walk into store
❒ Win bet with friend
Blaul Blart: Blall Blop
Tumblr moms choose Gif.
She said she wanted to bump uglies. So, naturally, I got all showered & freshened up and then I rammed my Ford Pinto into her Honda Element.
"Let me verb your adjective noun."
"Verb me your adjective, adjective noun… adverbially."
"Verb me. Verb me. Adjective!"
Rejected Yankee Candle Scents:
• Halibut with Lime
• Rail of Coke
• Macy's credit card
• Carbon credits
active imagination, right-brained (artsy) accountant, foodie, bourbon snob, poodle wrangler, dental floss tycoon
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