Um... I hate to be a Grammar Nazi, but shouldn't it be... 'The Diary Of *A* Frank'...?

How are you this evening?

I'm doing fine, officer.

You were in construction zone? Fines are double.

Sorry, I'm doing fine-fine, officer.

Is that a banana, a cup of frozen blueberries, some milk, and 1/2 cup of yogurt in your pocket, or are you just making a smoothie to see me?

Making up words is one of my strengthnesses. Alas, it's also a weakngth.

I get really turned on by things that require great courage, skill, or strength.

One might say I have a feat fetish.

☆。★。☆。★
。☆ 。☆。☆
★。＼｜／。★
b u t t s
★。／｜＼。★
。☆。 。☆。
☆。 ★。 ☆

*Jerry Seinfeld clipping coupons on a lazy Sunday afternoon.*



*the sound of his wife slamming a door off its hinges down the hall*

My Top 3 #lastfm Artists: Beetlejuice (1), Beetlejuice (1) & Beetlejuice (1) 💨*poof* Hey, guys!! *Michael Keaton appears & tosses my iPod*

writing you this letter while stuck on a dessert island. cannoli hope to get saved. ice cream, but no one hears me. tiramisu so much.

Sext: Sorry, I broke too many chips in the guacamole. It was really chunky & those generic chips were flimsy. Yes, I'll hold for Father Regi

damn gurl, you're making... my hard... drive so... full...

geez, couldn't you zip your files first. your compression rate is a silly goose.

Mmm… this beer is refreshing.

*looks at can*

F-f-fudweiser?

*rifle fires*

*my bill spirals all around, now faces backwards*

wascally!

*whisper announcer voice*
While Reginald was in the bathroom, we replaced his ｅｎｔｉｒｅ ｆａｍｉｌｙ ｔｒｅｅ with Folgers Crystals.

Rejected Yankee Candle Scents:
• Taco
• Halibut with Lime
• Rail of Coke
• Macy's credit card
• Carbon credits

Nerd 'To Do' List:
❒ Buy a store
❒ Add automatic doors
❒ Change name of store to 'Mordor'
❒ Simply walk into store
❒ Win bet with friend

Fuck! @menswearhouse was not fucking what the shit hell damn kinda fucking place I thought it'd fucking be.

*IRS auditor pushes glasses up, straightens papers*

"Mr. Jay-Z, I hate to bother you, but I ran the numbers & came up with 107 problems."

#ReplaceFilmTitleWithCake The Curious Case of Benjamin Button Going the Distance, He's Going For Speed, He's All Alone (All Alone) In His Ti

"One does not simply 'W-A-L-K' into Mordor." -Boromir, speaking to Frodo around his pet cocker spaniel

I never meta joke that's too complex.