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Friends: 413
Followers: 490
Favs Given: 3,068
Favs Rec'd: 899
@eatfoss' (Foss) most faved Tweets...
eatfoss
Bank phoneline has a TERRIBLE voice activated menu system.
"Which service do you require?"
"Mortgages"
"You have selected: Falconry"
@eatfoss
eatfoss
I see dead people.

Time to get a bigger freezer.
@eatfoss
11
sniffyjenkinsPenLlawennicedreamralphgiordanosweendrewmsmashedpotatoesfatherjacklionelsterfactualfictiond_rivera
eatfoss
So, using a knife in the toaster is a bad idea?

Even if it's a blunt knife?

Even if it's to get my penis unstuck?
@eatfoss
10
awryoneessentially_mesweendoggreen1001ian_WrightDarth_Draftersmashedpotatoeslionelsterreverendrossfactualfiction
eatfoss
Damn, toddlers were right all along. This glue tastes delicious.
@eatfoss
10
sniffyjenkinsronbaileyFrSpikedrewmsmashedpotatoesoldblinddeadjimtwitlesslionelsterjiggerjd_rivera
eatfoss
My mountain bike kept beating the crap out of me. It was a vicious cycle.
@eatfoss
9
adtothebonePenLlawendoggreen1001drewmsmashedpotatoesfatherjackjiggerjreverendrossd_rivera
eatfoss
Favrd is awesome because I love reading uncredited Dmitri Martin jokes.
@eatfoss
9
vinnienicedreamtalnesssupasmashedpotatoeslionelsterreverendrossd_riveraHalfBadIQ
eatfoss
There's a man in reception wearing a full length leather jacket. I don't have the heart to tell him the matrix was only a film.
@eatfoss
9
expat_erinsniffyjenkinszeldmanungracefuldrewmhotheadredsista_flapjacksmashedpotatoesd_rivera
eatfoss
I don't know who used that toilet before me, but I think we need to call a priest.
@eatfoss
8
califmomlionelsterAmIThatBoringchockleynutzmannyteeeRanGTiamnotdiddyd_rivera
eatfoss
Baby in the building. Female productivity grinds to a halt.
@eatfoss
8
penblethnicedreamdoggreen1001ian_WrightmelmarensmashedpotatoeslionelsterHalfBadIQ
eatfoss
20 years ago today, David Hasselhoff freed the people of Germany by tearing down the great wall of China with his bare hands.
@eatfoss
7
reverendrosscrazycolourssniffyjenkinsabigvictorycpinckdetweilerlionelster
eatfoss
One day people will be able to wash their hands without fear of over-pressurised taps splashing them & making it look like they wet myself
@eatfoss
7
nicedreamcalifmomsupaWallacehPetherwinreverendrossHalfBadIQ
eatfoss
Had fun with the kids at the fair last night but now they're starting to whine so if they're yours please come and get them.
@eatfoss
7
abigvictorythemikestandPenLlawenurbanhipsterdrewmsmashedpotatoesmemann
eatfoss
I just had a sneezure.
@eatfoss
7
expat_erinsniffyjenkinsungracefulbsheepiesdrewmhotheadredfatherjack
eatfoss
I don't like to use the "C" word in front of strangers, but Windows is forcing the issue.
@eatfoss
7
jamieldsniffyjenkinsswimparallelrm0yungracefuldrewmsmashedpotatoes
eatfoss
I like my women like I like my similies; confusing and vaguely related.
@eatfoss
6
fatherjackexpat_erineyeteegeesista_flapjackreverendrossHalfBadIQ
eatfoss
Sorry. The capital of azerbaijan should be A.
@eatfoss
6
AmIThatBoringsniffyjenkinssmashedpotatoesevehorizonfatherjackd_rivera
eatfoss
HEALTHY BREAKFAST. AS MUESLI.
@eatfoss
6
MamitaMojita_oldPenLlawensupadrewmads_infinitumfatherjack
eatfoss
Rob has a glass jaw. Watching him eat is disgusting.
@eatfoss
5
detweileryhflionelsterRanGTd_rivera
eatfoss
I was disappointed when I found out "stag do" doesn't mean you get to fuck a deer
@eatfoss
5
CaliforniacatsrahHello_NursesmashedpotatoesRyaninja
eatfoss
World of doorcraft: The carpenter's sorrow #newblizzardmmo
@eatfoss
5
bellaclarasniffyjenkinsPenLlawendrewmsmashedpotatoes
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