With the Olympics starting, I want to remind everyone that’s it’s not about who wins and loses, it’s about the faces weightlifters make.

Please please please follow @onehundreddates. The project ends one year from today and I'll need all the help I can get. Plz RT! Thx. #FF

I don't like labels like gay or straight. My sexuality is defined only by my love for Robyn's Body Talk album.

It's Election Day Eve!! I am leaving out milk & cookies for Obama and waiting up all night for him to come down my chimney (toaster oven)!

The best part about Sunday is the terror that you're entering yet another week with still no idea what you're doing with your life.

Reminder: It's still Friday in America. Be safe, Boston.

I'm going to start locking my bike to my career, because that thing isn't going anywhere.

I will unfollow you if I find out that you keep the keyboard clicks enabled on your phone.

I'm going to open a fruit stand in Miami called Plump & Rind.

My life is constantly alternating between "fuck it" and "whoa buddy".

Hey guys - Fuck Maroon 5.

Just once, I'd like to yell "PSYCH" and have a room full of people laugh.

I just ordered a red eye from Starbucks, so if anyone wants me, I'll be at the peak of Douche Mountain.

I like my women like I like my coffee: allowed to speak their mind about important issues and not be shut down by some ignorant assholes.

"You ever listened to the song Fix You and cried?" @coolyourjetspal: "Like a hundred times, yah." #TooFragile (cc: @itsmudon @connorratliff)

#FF @marshallstratto & @jameswcoker: @ucbw Tag-Team #1 Contenders!

My bedroom is the opposite of a 7-11: No shirt, no shoes - all the "service" you want. ;-) #GETIT???

I have been at work for 17.5 hours. I haven't had a Tuesday this miserable since I stopped spending them with Morrie.

Hey so, I'm 2 followers away from 200. Can anyone lend me a hand? I need to infect more minds.

Dear Lord, please don't let this be the summer that I buy a fedora.