I scream through 100% of the left turns I make

Do you think Jesus described his hair color as light blonde or summer wheat?

Taylor Swift mouths "My husband's a senator" into mirror, giggles. She looks out the window at the glowing dusk. 'I feel nothing' she thinks

You've taken my performance of "Hot Cross Buns" on my recorder, and made it about yourself

Anyone want to meet me in the street in an hour and pretend we're breaking up in the rain? (Don't worry we get back together at the end)

"Look! I'm a ghost!"-Ann Romney, wrapping herself in a window curtain

Keying my updated resume into my high school guidance counselor's car

I just know one time I turn on the kitchen light to get food at night, Helena Bonham Carter is going to crab walk by me back into darkness

I text ppl who've wronged me at inappropriate hours "This song makes me think of you" & send a video of me making whale noises in the woods

Beyonce has sent a text to Kelly and Michelle while in the same room as them that says "Remember who you're performing with"

As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death OK I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS ANYMORE THIS IS REALLY SCARY

For me, a jog is more like "Aaand that's enough", then I walk the rest of the way and listen to ambient music and pretend I'm in a movie

Some days I don't leave the house because I'm afraid I'll have to pronounce "gyro" at some point

"We want to make sure you think about fading youth and your own mortality while you try to go to sleep!"-Distant train horns at night

*walks into Starbucks* Yes, hi! I'll have a piece of marble cake. Just a sliver, though! Ha! *leans into cashier* Have you ever tasted fear?

I'm pretty sure the last thing you hear before you die is Teresa Giudice screaming "MILANIA" in your ear

Hi I'm LC. Senior year is totally drama. My best friend Lo started dating my dad, but it's cool cause now I have a best friend and a stepmom

Kelly and Michelle were never seen again

Sometimes when I'm at a library I wait on the other side of a shelf for someone to pull a book out so I can smile at them bc you never know!

Babies make me feel stupid when I wave to them on the subway. It's like, you're allowed to wave back, fuckface