Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Told my daughter I can't believe it's only Wednesday , she said "my underwear says Friday",I said "good enough for me, I'm having a drink"
Just noticed that I turn down the radio on my car when I get text messages. Confirmation that I'm an idiot.
I drive in the opposite direction from which my gps recommends to get the female voice to swear at me and demean me because I miss mom.
Rename your Wifi router "FBI surveillance van", it keeps your neighbors on their best behavior!
Every man who has a daughter truly knows how to treat a woman!A three year old doesn't beat around the bush, she tells you how it has to be.
There should be a twitter game show of matching subtweets to the correct people!
Do I have a sign on my face saying don't retweet? What the hell people, I see the dumbest shit retweeted!
Just watched an attractive woman walking down the street looking at her phone and smiling! That's my goal to all of you!
This is me on twitter but it does not define me, if reading my tweets changes your opinion of me, you don't really know me.
Hey guy with long blond hair, not my fault I was checking out your ass!
I've got my good boy Facebook and my naughty boy twitter.
You know you have been drinking too often when you pickup your coffee cup and instinctively throw it back like a shot, coffee everywhere!
At some point every tweet will have been tweeted and a "game over" screen will appear, so can I get all your phone numbers?
A woman's smile could power my world!
Ladies, leave a little to the imagination, would ya?
Something my dad would always say when he called someone " is this the party to whom I'm speaking?" still makes me laugh every time.
United States Marine Corps / Patriots season ticket holder