@ed_x's (J.D.) most faved Tweets...
Me: What if shoes were birds? 2yo: (Awestruck.) Me: What if books could sing? Son, exiting bath: "WHAT IF A PENIS WAS A CAR?" And checkmate.
If you mix "cool beans" with "awesome sauce," then chill for 5 minutes, it tastes just like drinking a Bud Light Lime while you have herpes.
The 2-year-old Dude is quite vocally ready to subsist on merely orange juice, potato chips and ice. The bachelor is strong in this one.
I thought there was nothing my wife could care about less than Twitter until I started telling her all the shit I'm mayor of.
I just cut the grass, bought and assembled a grill, cooked a pound of meat, drank two beers and urinated three gallons of testosterone.
Going camping in the woods is a lot like Burning Man, except you're relieved of the burden of pretending a bunch of weird shit is art.
Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you'll probably eventually be obligated to teach him how to cook, too.
I have to admit that pumping myself up for sleep by slapping my own face & mirror-screaming LET'S SLEEP THE SHIT OUT OF IT! isn't working.
The 2yo Dude is wearing mandals, a Hawaiian shirt and a Red Sox cap backwards. I think I'm raising a bro? Oh fuck, he just chest bumped me.
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You say tomato, I say tomato. They look the same on the page, which is one of the strengths of the medium.
The ideal tweet is one that leaves close readers caught precisely at the mid-point between starring and unfollowing.
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