Hello, my name is T Cook, CEO of Apple Corp. I beseech your assistance in helping transfer $100 billion in cash left by the late Steve Jobs.

What font is that being used for the Olympics? It looks like someone tried to clone Comic Sans with duct tape.

Word of the day: ohnosecond - noun, the minuscule amount of time between when you click the Tweet button and you see the typo in your tweet.

This is how a parody account is supposed to work: @apstylebook and @fakeapstylebook feud publicly: http://t.co/ZJd6zfMw via @rosa

GoDaddy has always been troublesome. Here's a jaw-dropping story from 2009, being told for the first time: http://t.co/hjtzQuxx

WTF, Arizona? Seriously, WTF? AZ legislature passes bill allowing any employer to fire employees who use birth control. http://t.co/ZVG4C9Dd

Android dev is "enough to make a grown man cry, and then stab himself in the eyeballs, and then cry some more" http://t.co/A0dai6SE

I am not making this up: The background music as we await the HP earnings call is an instrumental version of "Free Falling"

Bill Gates on Steve Jobs: "For those of us lucky enough to get to work with him, it’s been an insanely great honor." http://t.co/3z7pcQea

Hilarious. New @androidagram account consists exclusively of RTs of iPhone owners whining about how Android users are spoiling everything

The Groupon IPO is priced at $20. But if you sign up for the exclusive Groupon, you can get first day shares at 50% off!

I agree with every angry, foul-mouthed word here: Your Guide to the Idiotic Racist Backlash Against Trayvon Martin http://t.co/Hu39S2h8

I love when Apple fans point to iPhone sales numbers as evidence of its superiority. Which of course means Windows is the greatest OS ever.

Occasionally I am asked why people write malware. Here are 14.8 million reasons in one frozen bank account: http://bit.ly/lAS21S

Gingerbread is the new XP.

So, 700 bankers were arrested yesterday for destroying the economy. About time! Oh, wait... #OccupyWallStreet

Microsoft's radical new business plan is hidden in plain sight http://t.co/mO8bNjVn

Bye Dropbox RT @ath BitTorrent just made a Dropbox competitor. No size limits. Share anything. http://t.co/ECWCOqUC

"The best minds of my generation are thinking about how to make people click ads. That sucks." http://buswk.co/hI990t

Congrats, Apple, for passing Microsoft's 1999 record as largest public company ever by market cap. Might want to note what happened next.