My sperm count is so high that you have to chew before you swallow.

Girls are like math problems; I do them in my head.

Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
Star my tweets or go fuck yourself, you pretentious douchebag.

Oh like you never go to the bathroom in the shower!



I just hate having to push it down the drain with my toes...

Lack of sex is the ultimate aphrodisiac.

Nowadays, instead of differentiating indians by "feather or dot" maybe we come into the 21st century and go with "medicine man or doctor"

If you say religion is bullshit and then tweet your horoscope, then you my friend, are a very black kettle.

And a little stupid.

Every now and then I swallow my gum because it's my life and I live it on the fucking edge.

Just hiccuped and sneezed at the same time and now I can taste sounds.

I bet the best thing about being hitler was probably mustache exclusivity.

If I can see anything resembling boob in your AVI, then we've had sex in my shower.

Please quite bitching about how you can't find love when your avi is your tits and your next tweet is about blowing cum bubbles.

If your avi is a photo of your abs, grow the fuck up.

Also, nice abs.

I tweet because I'm appalled by the lack of filth and smut on the internet.

G spot? What, do you mean like Compton?

If you can't say anything nice, RT somebody else.

Dance like there's a dollar bill in it for you.

*brings sexy back
*argues with the manager about the "used" condition of sexy
*gets store credit instead of full refund

Condoms: because another you would be two too many.

Let's have some "last day on earth" sex.