Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
If you go to call AT&T and accidentally dial 888 instead of 866, it's a sex hotline. You're welcome, I guess.
Eyeing my galoshes quizzically, are you? You'll remember me with envy this afternoon when it's pouring, flip-flop wearer.
Sitting next to a 60-year-old man who is reading 50 Shades of Grey is far and away the most uncomfortable thing that's ever happened to me.
When I kick a rock while walking, I yell, "NO, COME BACK, I WAS JUST KIDDING". Only children carry a heavy burden.
The world's been Pope-less for several days now. How about we keep this up for the next 5 billion years?
If you "press on" a public restroom faucet once, you'll have enough time to wash a single finger. "Press on" twice, enough time to shower.
Unemployment pro tip: Since Modern Warfare 3 is now out, there will be half as much competition for jobs during the next month. Get on it!
Monday recycling day is fun. I judge all of my neighbors' choices. Coors Light and rosé? Flunked.
Life lesson: children suck at playing Angry Birds quietly while you sleep another 20 minutes.
I block people who tweet links to Jezebel or XO Jane. The Onion is more accurate than that petty, mouth-breathing drivel.
If you walk out of Target having spent less than $300, you must be broke and sobbing like me.
Desperation: Buying earrings in the drugstore while chick in front of me cries over giving her boyfriend an ultimatum. Good luck to us both.
Crazy cat lady. Political spectator. Rageaholic. Lover of all things Irish. Not funny on the Internet.