Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
If you go to call AT&T and accidentally dial 888 instead of 866, it's a sex hotline. You're welcome, I guess.
Eyeing my galoshes quizzically, are you? You'll remember me with envy this afternoon when it's pouring, flip-flop wearer.
Sitting next to a 60-year-old man who is reading 50 Shades of Grey is far and away the most uncomfortable thing that's ever happened to me.
When I kick a rock while walking, I yell, "NO, COME BACK, I WAS JUST KIDDING". Only children carry a heavy burden.
The world's been Pope-less for several days now. How about we keep this up for the next 5 billion years?
If you "press on" a public restroom faucet once, you'll have enough time to wash a single finger. "Press on" twice, enough time to shower.
Unemployment pro tip: Since Modern Warfare 3 is now out, there will be half as much competition for jobs during the next month. Get on it!
Choo-choo! Chupa pa' la cabra que bebe: song I made up while delirious from the humidity. There's also a reggaeton horn in there.
I was put on Earth to find tacos.
Monday recycling day is fun. I judge all of my neighbors' choices. Coors Light and rosé? Flunked.
Life lesson: children suck at playing Angry Birds quietly while you sleep another 20 minutes.
I block people who tweet links to Jezebel or XO Jane. The Onion is more accurate than that petty, mouth-breathing drivel.
Crazy cat lady. Political spectator. Rageaholic. Lover of all things Irish. Not funny on the Internet.