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Pandora is like that aunt who heard you liked elephants when you were 3 and gives you elephant everything until you're 45.
If there's a bro in your workshop, a good prank would be to write "Homoerotic?" a lot on his stories.
Sorry about my personality & everything
"Soylent green is other people" - Jean-Paul Sartre
Coming close to take his pulse, I smelled alcohol. His tear-stained cheek shone. I placed a thumb on his wrist. His hand was cold.
Sorry, but if you fall in love with me you have to love me forever.
If you look around your apartment and can't find the cat anywhere, you're the cat.
Tell all your favorite living poets right now that they are your favorite living poets
Most poetry reviews could be rephrased as "I don't even like poetry."
OMG. I will never shit-talk @newyorker again. Thank you @tejucole http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/books/2013/12/best-books-of-2013-part-2.html …
If you're not uncomfortable you're not paying attention.
"Creative writing" is such an infantalizing term. What if we called art "creative painting"
The point of criticism is not to tell you what to read, but to make you a better reader.
FYI, "...said no one ever" jokes are incompatible with the many-worlds interpretation of quantum mechanics
I'll stop taking lovers when I'm dead.
I like people, I just don't like being a person.
Metaphors are similes. Similes are like metaphors.
It's not depression, I'm just in a permanent bad mood.
I accidentally did a mean thing. A student asked me how to break into the [poetry] "industry" and I laughed.
Usage tip: Never say "I'm sick of pizza." Write a blog post called "The Death of the Pizza."