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If there's a bro in your workshop, a good prank would be to write "Homoerotic?" a lot on his stories.
Coming close to take his pulse, I smelled alcohol. His tear-stained cheek shone. I placed a thumb on his wrist. His hand was cold.
Most poetry reviews could be rephrased as "I don't even like poetry."
FYI, "...said no one ever" jokes are incompatible with the many-worlds interpretation of quantum mechanics
If you ask, "Have I gone over?" at a poetry reading, you've gone over. This is more reliable than clocks.
Usage tip: Never say "I'm sick of pizza." Write a blog post called "The Death of the Pizza."
"Creative writing" is such an infantalizing term. What if we called art "creative painting"
One cool thing about being a poet is that people walk right up to you and tell you all poetry sucks.
It's so cute when the super-rich fetishize simplicity.
It took Dunkin Donuts this long to think of donut-flavored coffee? They do two things.
OMG. I will never shit-talk @newyorker again. Thank you @tejucole http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/books/2013/12/best-books-of-2013-part-2.html …
It takes a special kind of mediocrity to be offensive and boring at the same time.
Google the full text of your novel to see if someone already wrote it.
They said do what you love, but nobody wants to pay me for that stuff.
It's not too late to write the best book of 2013.
Why stop at two spaces after a period? Tab over a few times.
Man, what is up with the "mass murderers will find a way" argument. Go ahead and let them try to kill 30 people at once with frying pans.
Nice job, Shakespeare, your plays are FULL of cliches.
All poetry is experimental ... the experiment is, I wonder if I can trick anyone into reading this ill-formed mumbo-jumbo ...
Poet and rational aesthete. I write about search engines, perfume, and other dangerous ideas. Author of The Self Unstable and The French Exit.