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  • egg_dog
      mail me a shoe @egg_dog

    Gift @egg_dog Favstar Pro to unlock their best tweet!Gift them Pro!

    • 9,700
    • LIKES
    kyleveJuliannaGut13tehya_morganNed_Cberrykateehimeeaverylawlerrmirapatelllmeghanaaa_
    • 6,515
    • RETWEETS
    kyleve_kenzie_cole_meghanaaa_War_Pillowfranceslehman34KelciReeayascardincllqire
    earfdaeHome_HalfwayPaperWashLeeMifsudYasmeenMSjonnysunMrSpoonicorn
  • egg_dog
      mail me a shoe @egg_dog

    kids have you applied the minty paste to the exposed part of your skeleton? yes? well now it is time to lie down in a dark room for hours

    • 5,661
    • LIKES
    benjamima13eccentric_ladcosmicyogurt_iGreenMonkmharvey816theevilwriterannacvalenciaTemariNaara
    • 3,533
    • RETWEETS
    cosmicyogurt_iGreenMonkthDigitalReadertheevilwriterShadyTConradhunglikepumardesai7prarthna_s
    Mike_Bianchi
  • egg_dog
      mail me a shoe @egg_dog

    UK and US word differences

    UK | US
    Crisps | Guns
    Chips | Guns
    Nappy | Gun
    Biscuit | Gun
    Pavement | Floor Gun
    Lollypop | Gun
    Gun | Two Guns

    • 5,415
    • LIKES
    calvinmonty23ShanefreaknpennanonlylivingboyEricKicker_Jackfrazier4EWilkensensadannahTwerkingInCrocs
    • 3,391
    • RETWEETS
    chaserwilson13fluturaberishatreykellysmailcapnjessicarosekillerberniegengrahekrad_demimadeleine_237
  • egg_dog
      mail me a shoe @egg_dog

    “google d-dildoes…” i whisper to siri “GOOGLIN BIG OL DILDOES!!” screams the phone, smashing windows in a 9mile radius & flipping over cars

    • 5,680
    • LIKES
    lullabylambSuToliasPetiteMaoTeraradrakondadddragonTheSplattedOneAmpedRatHonorableThief
    • 2,693
    • RETWEETS
    d4n4h4rr15bergentruckunggreedylingssolitarysnailpoundwankercloakativelybrandy_schwechsugoifox
    sevendeadlywins__YasmeenMSMrSpoonicornloveletterbombsSimon_BarrettTurdIdiot________fontiagoweird_hugs________Breterbies__
  • egg_dog
      mail me a shoe @egg_dog

    thrown out of cop school for writing 'whos that pokemon' next to all the chalk outlines

    • 3,859
    • LIKES
    twerkdatsassanirudh24sevenkyleveseross21sweetg35juhnkSDPlissken1JakeTHFC
    • 2,410
    • RETWEETS
    jacobcraterchild0besitykyleve_DopestLove_SteveDutzyh_x_mza__AwkwardFemaleEllieBalderson
    sunfiltershutupheavDamnItsTrillProfBoomHatchdavedittell
  • egg_dog
      mail me a shoe @egg_dog

    supermarketes become so much more terrifying if you find a product with the word ‘instant’ and replaec it with ‘sudden’

    • 3,838
    • LIKES
    MightBeLesliebertiepwhitejohnenriquezRaggedspeareno_umohSDPlissken1PrinceWelshieThe_eichenBOMB
    • 2,107
    • RETWEETS
    bertiepwhiteAlyssaVillieInScotWeTrustGilesMowlemAsherRoxonseraphicsaphaelTungstenKneecapWutangDino
    _Jim_FeardraculabagAceMakesWordsthefurlinator
  • egg_dog
      mail me a shoe @egg_dog

    imagine a reverse pizza. the missing hole on the table where the pizza is meant to be. everything else is pizza. the solar system. the air.

    • 3,243
    • LIKES
    kyleveSDPlissken1MeganKMcDRachelFalk3Pizzalandiaabs_elizabeth6elleryfaceyalcrelyt
    • 2,314
    • RETWEETS
    Mr_AlekzPageaannhernanclmiller210_Cosmic_OwlSaMaLiOtOlizbizthewizkidfuckutomyalcrelyt
    Benesh_gavinpivottKarate_Horse
  • egg_dog
      mail me a shoe @egg_dog

    sir this ouija board is broken, it keeps spellin stuff like 'wah hoo!' and 'lets a-go!' "hmm it looks like youve bought a luigi board, pal"

    • 2,238
    • LIKES
    kyleveReannLimes_25Mike_Bianchitinyautomaticbrooke_murrayyEFR0519charnm_yeoltar
    • 1,953
    • RETWEETS
    kyleveZacharyLucasrosynawookberryapplebeesucksindiewirtdonngwoowhatsafizz
    Home_HalfwayAdamOfEarthrobfeealien_sushiakacrispyiRowlfSimon_BarrettMcSwtrvst
  • egg_dog
      mail me a shoe @egg_dog

    i really hate it when my housemates put the toilet roll on the wrong way pic.twitter.com/82iXp3ZjHa

    • 2,122
    • LIKES
    kylevedingbatwhirrmizunochiidavidreinismattiaskronbergJazimoookaseychoqSamirCMH
    • 1,188
    • RETWEETS
    saintmiawestmattiaskronbergmichaelsmunroeCoossttaaaamabxlcidamartinson__papa_irlcatqueen
  • egg_dog
      mail me a shoe @egg_dog

    *calls over air steward*
    can i get a pepsi and some plain nuts please
    *steward leans in*
    up here we just call them nuts, sir

    • 2,255
    • LIKES
    TH4TSTHESPIRITgregawoodsdecestarkehealthkyleveheyitsmeCD_Cosmic_Owlsara_ljl
    • 937
    • RETWEETS
    kyleve_Cosmic_OwltiennamackenziecrybabyboiiLucazadeV3CeejayoramaKindBuddhashopkins776
  • egg_dog
      mail me a shoe @egg_dog

    "siri i want 2 get up at 8 oclock"
    u've bought a potato clock
    "no siri the TIME 8 oclock"
    u've bought a tomato clock
    "si…"
    u bought 100 eggs

    • 2,013
    • LIKES
    kyleveJuliannaGut13uitstabielEmanMuzzsbowman63hannahlaskeyamandaa_kimmarauders
    • 905
    • RETWEETS
    omgisthatkenzieWar_PillowDE4DPIXLhttpberniceDennisFogelmarkvangoghgaIDBwiddaDBAbbyPoprockz
    jonnysun
  • egg_dog
      mail me a shoe @egg_dog

    Teacher: ok class bring your dioramas to the front of the class
    Me: [holding a bowl of diahorrea] oh no…

    • 2,090
    • LIKES
    alifiaboharishanulEhaan_banerjeeGaurav_maratheUlfMoriartyLivewire7teenJuliannaGut13cleanuponaisle6
    • 711
    • RETWEETS
    ayushrampantTonkeePonkeeNischay94AskThePankazzzzLlybianWar_PillowReeceCCCalfrnzo
  • egg_dog
      mail me a shoe @egg_dog

    viagra is caps lock for ur dick

    • 1,399
    • LIKES
    kylevemiki_zecevicmaler1ckAudrey_BerasiLogan_SiragusaMariaHeineggfredrikfahlandeumhecbaa
    • 1,265
    • RETWEETS
    emkappermiki_zecevicMariaHeinegggguerrarumij_puck4fuji__applescehrahtoomanytoes
    SpencerLenoxsteeIbaIIrundinogorenice_mustard
  • egg_dog
      mail me a shoe @egg_dog

    [death row]
    Guard: Any last words?
    Me: [smugly] photosynthesis.
    Guard: …
    Me: it sounded longer in my head.

    • 1,818
    • LIKES
    GavinAvery6James_Eyrewaylander01SenseiChanningKeiwi28rostroutfluawAlexArtz
    • 683
    • RETWEETS
    rwilliamsjr1998cogitoergobaconZakNunistojtgoblinSenseiChanningKuhlmanc7LisaLisa208mellyfishing
  • egg_dog
      mail me a shoe @egg_dog

    if u milk a cows shadow u get pepsi

    • 1,375
    • LIKES
    RaggedspeartoomanydovesSDPlissken1The_eichenBOMBamisch99AsherRoxonBunnyoreo333josh_ass
    • 759
    • RETWEETS
    WutangDino_nuttbar_aureljaredsupimsamtirthinamdarAlyssaDavis77JosephKugelmonkeyypajamas
  • egg_dog
      mail me a shoe @egg_dog

    “lets take this club to the next level!” the dj shouted. unfortunately the next level was a boss stage and most of us died

    • 1,144
    • LIKES
    donnifuddlemarkissyripleyahjessebradimirputinJediMasterJamspacific_amnesiajaycatsjensen
    • 900
    • RETWEETS
    DhartzyotoomanytoesMeatyMendozaspaghettingPearfalseHannah_DuncannjuegdeRydog57__
    AceMakesWordscholesteroIPajamaBen_PurpleDaemon__
  • egg_dog
      mail me a shoe @egg_dog

    rum and coke please
    "is pepsi ok?"
    …um its alright i guess
    "cool ill have to try it out"
    *bartender pours me a rum and coke*

    • 1,440
    • LIKES
    johnnylimesAncientChaos7donnibillmcfuddlemarkmynameisblakushparks_dankreso
    • 543
    • RETWEETS
    MeatyMendozamynameisblakusKennethArthuRSandrewsho_DrFrimpongsufiathegreatThatRedHead54Mercabro_97
  • egg_dog
      mail me a shoe @egg_dog

    [sees a coffin]
    …that's the last thing I need

    • 1,340
    • LIKES
    kylevetiennamackenziealliesailealhattttonearmedwampaAustralianSquidGDonnelly33XFartInhaler69X
    • 588
    • RETWEETS
    Antoine1703IgnatiusUnderh2EmmaPeterzmatthewweiss34XFartInhaler69XJack_DetriceFlexicoPlex__naveeniium
  • egg_dog
      mail me a shoe @egg_dog

    *sneaks out of church & pulls soggy communion wafer out from mouth and adds it to the ball* dont worry jesus youll be back with us soon

    • 1,331
    • LIKES
    billmcryanlangggssempreliberaaLowkeyTwitsSpiderSocksfuddlemarkissyripleycaycietaylor
    • 578
    • RETWEETS
    Jen_Buno_comanchefuddlemarklivicotecaycietaylorH4NY0L0vakatiesdLizardsInParis
  • egg_dog
      mail me a shoe @egg_dog

    petition to rename sausages 'pigarettes'

    • 1,119
    • LIKES
    fuddlemarkTuckKarnescoolbiRdpicspatrickclareDyslexicBobRACH4_theSTARZCrowleyLuranabeermanboobs__
    • 773
    • RETWEETS
    SteveDutzyMeatyMendozaCrowleyLuranaSidewaysBoyangieelombardothejewishjetLaLaLauren_Luvswagbovie__
@egg_dog

@egg_dog

i put the 'ordpl' in 'wordplay'

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