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  • egg_dog
      egg dog @egg_dog

    HEY GRAPEFRUIT, know what else is a grape AND a fruit? GRAPES. yeah. so get your own name you citrus idiot

    • 4,165
    • FAVS
    SamOverHeresteezecatdagnificentKennyhatesKatesploosksmapdCloverRedRoverTweesTweets
    • 3,263
    • RETWEETS
    kirschultz3janeegeedadsheelyshellcat417lindacammarataa4ourswordangdebiasestateofsolace_
    earfdaeHome_HalfwayPaperWashLeeMifsudYasmeenMSjonnysunMrSpoonicorn
  • egg_dog
      egg dog @egg_dog

    “google d-dildoes…” i whisper to siri “GOOGLIN BIG OL DILDOES!!” screams the phone, smashing windows in a 9mile radius & flipping over cars

    • 3,205
    • FAVS
    jackcarterthe_gwallaBalthacsardongblasterBeerStrawlifeisbscarli_picanadianpride86
    • 1,634
    • RETWEETS
    dongblastercomhamWouIdyoukindlyremypepperKingHobThe_BirchmanScubaD00dRed_Shirt_no2
    sevendeadlywinsYasmeenMSMrSpoonicornloveletterbombsSimon_BarrettTurdIdiot________spookyquinoaweird_hugs________Breterbies
  • egg_dog
      egg dog @egg_dog

    sir this ouija board is broken, it keeps spellin stuff like 'wah hoo!' and 'lets a-go!' "hmm it looks like youve bought a luigi board, pal"

    • 2,038
    • FAVS
    xbabygurl007xjaggedapeBangMyBongollvvzzzlnymurphyismykeysfirebu5hJenny4ashley
    • 1,814
    • RETWEETS
    lieutfaberSummonerShurixbabygurl007xjaggedapeBangMyBongoSenatorTheoKaraluluuSweatyMercury
    Home_HalfwayAdamOfEarthrobfeealien_sushiakacrispyiRowlfSimon_BarrettMcSwtrvst
  • egg_dog
      egg dog @egg_dog

    imagine a reverse pizza. the missing hole on the table where the pizza is meant to be. everything else is pizza. the solar system. the air.

    • 2,017
    • FAVS
    coolbiRdpicsmiekstaonnicksommersxo_devonllvvzzzrebeccaszzsssub23MatthewGeorgeHD
    • 1,699
    • RETWEETS
    aquazimmerframe_MrBillionaire_MatthewGeorgeHDJenny4ashleyDaniBarstadkettervngglueyourfingersmeltedchapstic
    badtweetinggavinpivottrzarosco
  • egg_dog
      egg dog @egg_dog

    i really hate it when my housemates put the toilet roll on the wrong way pic.twitter.com/82iXp3ZjHa

    • 1,965
    • FAVS
    selmatheredKonradnyHinklemeyersimonherzogSHITNEY_HOUSTONstappbotFrakkingAwesomeWilliamWelsh2
    • 1,166
    • RETWEETS
    selmatheredskecr8rTEAMLAURENCE_andrewcheonBigCorgiTinyPilldolphinXqueenFancy_Puffin
  • egg_dog
      egg dog @egg_dog

    thrown out of cop school for writing 'whos that pokemon' next to all the chalk outlines

    • 1,578
    • FAVS
    coolbiRdpicssimonherzogturtledovejonessplooskbotandybritinoaklandGre_Gonemycoolraygun
    • 1,055
    • RETWEETS
    DLucksEditionturtledovejonesGre_GoneMMXI_BrandonCourtYooopsyzodlnymurphyYoungManDadJoke
    sunfiltershutupheavDamnItsTrillProfBoomHatchdavedittell
  • egg_dog
      egg dog @egg_dog

    viagra is caps lock for ur dick

    • 1,343
    • FAVS
    NapInterruptedstefanamgNiddlennetipseybartendercaseytduncanllvvzzzgiddy_missCurtmacklin
    • 1,227
    • RETWEETS
    MoeBrainscaseytduncanpaulyflipgiddy_missNevil1950djtittyfuckZora_d_1991Azzurro305
    SpencerLenoxdog_as_helldinogorenice_mustard
  • egg_dog
      egg dog @egg_dog

    “lets take this club to the next level!” the dj shouted. unfortunately the next level was a boss stage and most of us died

    • 1,122
    • FAVS
    HiddenPinkyMikeHrynGre_GonenearhighfarlowJTSizzlesHome_Halfwayspxxkxrbvxareahopsital______
    • 890
    • RETWEETS
    BecauseHomerhs6_rjRetroRaygunGre_GonespxxkxrbvxricksimpsonjazzLeeptheSneakMacklemorissey
    AceMakesWordscholesteroIPajamaBen_PurpleDaemon
  • egg_dog
      egg dog @egg_dog

    "siri i want 2 get up at 8 oclock"
    u've bought a potato clock
    "no siri the TIME 8 oclock"
    u've bought a tomato clock
    "si…"
    u bought 100 eggs

    • 1,056
    • FAVS
    Runaway_JellyezgitimurogluGre_Gonedeathstar542chelcscarbroughJesserdtTomTheFoolTpaulyflip
    • 652
    • RETWEETS
    Gre_GoneMelaniee_EllennDValcichpaulyflipHallograMMatickcgottwtrsvvallowDARK1TECT
    jonnysun
  • egg_dog
      egg dog @egg_dog

    supermarketes become so much more terrifying if you find a product with the word ‘instant’ and replaec it with ‘sudden’

    • 956
    • FAVS
    coolbiRdpicshellabeesbertaeusGre_Gonethemorris23dilthrob2Becka811hstweetheart
    • 723
    • RETWEETS
    calebBsmithbertaeusGre_GoneTiny_BoxeshstweetheartKhairinaRazinJenny4ashleyKayMcHarvey
    _Jim_FearAmSockAceMakesWordsthefurlinator
  • egg_dog
      egg dog @egg_dog

    im on a see boob diet. i see boob, i.e tit

    • 1,124
    • FAVS
    HiddenPinkyGre_GoneRevWinfieldZeppoWilburySidewaysBoyPunkRockMermaidmeweightkevmaguire
    • 514
    • RETWEETS
    Gre_GoneZeppoWilburySidewaysBoyElliottBCFCapb89nrlswirlsuptoivoRyan_F
    electrolemonherrsturmKMdhcdinogore
  • egg_dog
      egg dog @egg_dog

    *sneaks out of church & pulls soggy communion wafer out from mouth and adds it to the ball* dont worry jesus youll be back with us soon

    • 1,046
    • FAVS
    coolbiRdpicsDJ_GlovehandspncrMChrisGmyrekonelatesundaymacjackgregorhapbtyoumunch
    • 457
    • RETWEETS
    hapbtDaftPunkandLoveJTcortrightMattWoahnafucpkandrew_salamoneAJ_Sadowskikgpizzle
  • egg_dog
      egg dog @egg_dog

    turn your pants inside out, then the whole world is your butt and dick

    • 968
    • FAVS
    coolbiRdpicsdustinmizelleJ_shH_llandGre_GoneOwenPReesacertainkelsstephlugBlueTyrannosaur
    • 511
    • RETWEETS
    RetroRaygunGre_Goneerr_derzapb89TrashGoat00joeylocallyBlackUnderpantsDisco_Neighbor
    AmSock_Jim_Fearrobdelaney
  • egg_dog
      egg dog @egg_dog

    if u milk a cows shadow u get pepsi

    • 751
    • FAVS
    SurrealSun7earearearsnikepinksunrisealoegooatroppina_KatieHughes__ihatecatfoodrunfromrobots
    • 465
    • RETWEETS
    LazWinchesterdeerlungihatecatfoodbaphocishetcalebBsmithJoshIsntHappyGre_GoneGabrielaSophiaa
  • egg_dog
      egg dog @egg_dog

    petition to rename sausages 'pigarettes'

    • 581
    • FAVS
    kesmondtapiocabitchneckponytailDanMcFlansweaterlogicLolaSikesGre_Gonealloburger
    • 493
    • RETWEETS
    KayMcHarveyBONER_POWER_420Frei_DaddyGre_GonenoyesalexDMFLEX420fucpkCoxesOP
  • egg_dog
      egg dog @egg_dog

    those bread ends u hate? theyre bread parenthesis w/out them thered b bread everywhere no way to stop it wed b fucked trapped in bread hell

    • 583
    • FAVS
    Chris_RoestcoolbiRdpicsbotandyFuckedUpSunsetGre_Gonelowtech42Home_Halfwayareahopsital______
    • 372
    • RETWEETS
    awhdurrrmQuanradiGre_GonebakugoontildabosonkristallkaosEmmaAlamaaarkadeld
    BuckyIsotope
  • egg_dog
      egg dog @egg_dog

    if a dog is making an butt rub circle on the floor Do Not stop him! the dogge is creating a protective rune on that will save u from wizards

    • 457
    • FAVS
    JTSizzlesBONER_POWER_420madam_newbootyDanMcFlanBeRusTerrmac10_4Benjeezy13hooptieparade
    • 350
    • RETWEETS
    BONER_POWER_420jaqalaqJckCorriganfucpkshutupheavemmyupphoffinget_pronomenhejyonsa
    sam_reginaldcryotuna
  • egg_dog
      egg dog @egg_dog

    “honey let me see” i exclaim at my weeping wife. i finally manaeg to get the pregnancey test off her.i look downe & see the reading. ‘wasps’

    • 523
    • FAVS
    splooskPirategeorgeGre_GonedannyvegasuckssalamingialandondmiseGuyDebr0devanwenner
    • 269
    • RETWEETS
    Gre_GoneButtGoatKLorey18BONER_POWER_420UnhingedBlahfunTweeterstklynchChairmanofspace
    chelsesaurusrex
  • egg_dog
      egg dog @egg_dog

    i asked the dentist to maek my teeth straight & white & now i haev a bunch of republicans for teethe. also i think te dentistt was a wizarde

    • 434
    • FAVS
    Home_Halfwayareahopsital______neckponytailPrincessMopsyIVtheartofbreakngHelloGalloarielsighnerd_cop__________
    • 251
    • RETWEETS
    PrincessMopsyIVarielsighhelenkirkyfucpkCISHETPRIDEDraszmannSweetHaircutundeuxtroiscat
  • egg_dog
      egg dog @egg_dog

    'belieave in yourselv and you can achieve anything' pic.twitter.com/DVk70UHG

    • 376
    • FAVS
    keltar93iamjoekovacsfrogsyfrogKylec15_tomwadeAndLive2Loveallie_kat__littlestp123
    • 290
    • RETWEETS
    ClosetReclusefavstar_historyryanhaydonDonutron_superWEEninja____JamesIkeguchibreadman13wjsbadass_yoga
@egg_dog

@egg_dog

good and funny dog online