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facte: you eat 28 spiders in your lifetime. always 28. if you are about to die and you have only eaten 3 then 25 spiders arrive at once
sir this ouija board is broken, it keeps spellin stuff like 'wah hoo!' and 'lets a-go!' "hmm it looks like youve bought a luigi board, pal"
“google d-dildoes…” i whisper to siri “GOOGLIN BIG OL DILDOES!!” screams the phone, smashing windows in a 9mile radius & flipping over cars
viagra is caps lock for ur dick
imagine a reverse pizza. the missing hole on the table where the pizza is meant to be. everything else is pizza. the solar system. the air.
HEY GRAPEFRUIT, know what else is a grape AND a fruit? GRAPES. yeah. so get your own name you citrus idiot
“lets take this club to the next level!” the dj shouted. unfortunately the next level was a boss stage and most of us died
supermarketes become so much more terrifying if you find a product with the word ‘instant’ and replaec it with ‘sudden’
turn your pants inside out, then the whole world is your butt and dick
im on a see boob diet. i see boob, i.e tit
petition to rename sausages 'pigarettes'
those bread ends u hate? theyre bread parenthesis w/out them thered b bread everywhere no way to stop it wed b fucked trapped in bread hell
“honey let me see” i exclaim at my weeping wife. i finally manaeg to get the pregnancey test off her.i look downe & see the reading. ‘wasps’
if u milk a cows shadow u get pepsi
i asked the dentist to maek my teeth straight & white & now i haev a bunch of republicans for teethe. also i think te dentistt was a wizarde
kids remember to eat your …SHREDSTABLES!!! *gets out giant carrot shaped guitar & plays wicked riff,potatoes fall from ceiling k.o-ing kids*
remember when stephen king ate some bird seed and evolved into stephen hawk king?
♫ NINTEY NINE / RED BALLOONS / FLOATING IN THE / BITCH AIN'T ONE ♫
if u see an old person fall down rememebrr to make a wish and it wil always come true :•)
constantly sick. ex-grandmother. voted most disgusting hands 1997, 1998 & 2004. guest 'writer' at feedbuzz. http://www.eggd.org moth