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Okay, we shall bug you no longer
  • egg_dog
      ℮gg dingus @egg_dog

    Gift @egg_dog Favstar Pro to unlock their best tweet!Gift them Pro!

    • 9,665
    • LIKES
    jmf9527abby_smith713kragtodilewit_hazeTGFMFTSlave_4_Ukatiebabie10h_winds
    • 6,505
    • RETWEETS
    TGFMFTSlave_4_Umdfashhanretnolarasnickeb15heyitsmechloeXxDragonKittytayolson1234
    earfdaeHome_HalfwayPaperWashLeeMifsudYasmeenMSjonnysunMrSpoonicorn
  • egg_dog
      ℮gg dingus @egg_dog

    “google d-dildoes…” i whisper to siri “GOOGLIN BIG OL DILDOES!!” screams the phone, smashing windows in a 9mile radius & flipping over cars

    • 5,669
    • LIKES
    _BUNDO_ChrlesGlass12tdawkscharliealcockAntonyCanutle_deuxCadda_PBell_Jar_Binks__
    • 2,682
    • RETWEETS
    GringoStarr12Pat_BrenlegendofkarraalexmosesharrisAdmiralAitchbarcfayyyanxietygridNadir3886
    sevendeadlywins__YasmeenMSMrSpoonicornloveletterbombsSimon_BarrettTurdIdiot________fontiagoweird_hugs________Breterbies
  • egg_dog
      ℮gg dingus @egg_dog

    thrown out of cop school for writing 'whos that pokemon' next to all the chalk outlines

    • 3,845
    • LIKES
    amar_athwalleahramsaierJohn_MaikaRatnerKyle_Cosmic_Owlthatso_rachelGinSexsmithl_jackss
    • 2,406
    • RETWEETS
    EPurnell14DilllPick_Josesito__samlydya_daniellecol24kHXNMDresajwilkjake
    sunfiltershutupheavDamnItsTrillProfBoomHatchdavedittell
  • egg_dog
      ℮gg dingus @egg_dog

    supermarketes become so much more terrifying if you find a product with the word ‘instant’ and replaec it with ‘sudden’

    • 3,817
    • LIKES
    mcarter2059ajslaterLULUBOLGAILobitoHuskyGardentoastereanbowmanherroglyphicsnatranr
    • 2,096
    • RETWEETS
    lauramonagorobeeaquinojohnenriquezLa_BarakatherroglyphicskriscrittahDatJoJMythey
    _Jim_FearAmSockAceMakesWordsthefurlinator
  • egg_dog
      ℮gg dingus @egg_dog

    imagine a reverse pizza. the missing hole on the table where the pizza is meant to be. everything else is pizza. the solar system. the air.

    • 3,227
    • LIKES
    commontommybrenna_bear_NPBurnettYour_Boy_Dylannathan_foadshayTRKWLDubDubqwertyprotest
    • 2,302
    • RETWEETS
    mayawysockinathan_foadTechn1xFuckingBrockmanCharlotteFareMarkWallBangHardmanRickeviville
    Benesh_gavinpivottKarate_Horse
  • egg_dog
      ℮gg dingus @egg_dog

    kids have you applied the minty paste to the exposed part of your skeleton? yes? well now it is time to lie down in a dark room for hours

    • 3,155
    • LIKES
    FionabrunkaIbbyMusaBethConnelly_Aylen_FergusonNoellaKondoDani_courtejanmoesenRatnerKyle
    • 1,770
    • RETWEETS
    UrqsomeJohn_Maikaryan_nitosydneekidneysarahalicecoleShapeoflossfampilyjoyllybelly
    Mike_Bianchi
  • egg_dog
      ℮gg dingus @egg_dog

    sir this ouija board is broken, it keeps spellin stuff like 'wah hoo!' and 'lets a-go!' "hmm it looks like youve bought a luigi board, pal"

    • 2,237
    • LIKES
    ReannLimes_25Mike_Bianchitinyautomaticbrooke_murrayyEFR0519charnm_yeoltarmallwarburton
    • 1,952
    • RETWEETS
    ZacharyLucasrosynawookberryapplebeesuckscilIbipherdonngwoowhatsafizztaememe_
    Home_HalfwayAdamOfEarthrobfeealien_sushiakacrispyiRowlfSimon_BarrettMcSwtrvst
  • egg_dog
      ℮gg dingus @egg_dog

    i really hate it when my housemates put the toilet roll on the wrong way pic.twitter.com/82iXp3ZjHa

    • 2,121
    • LIKES
    dingbatwhirrmizunochiidavidreinismattiaskronbergJazimoookaseychoqSamirCMHspoonletter
    • 1,188
    • RETWEETS
    saintmiawestmattiaskronbergmichaelsmunroeCoossttaaaagyaldemcidamartinson__papa_irlcatqueen
  • egg_dog
      ℮gg dingus @egg_dog

    *calls over air steward*
    can i get a pepsi and some plain nuts please
    *steward leans in*
    up here we just call them nuts, sir

    • 2,248
    • LIKES
    Hi_ImJodibrettmyskasarahdeforestmatthewweiss34TylerAshfordangelobortolin_allysonedwardMrColeDaniel
    • 936
    • RETWEETS
    Zkinz98LucazadeV3CeejayoramaKindBuddhashopkins776ElleofanassElleJackDeMasieSeBAsTianMrANt
  • egg_dog
      ℮gg dingus @egg_dog

    "siri i want 2 get up at 8 oclock"
    u've bought a potato clock
    "no siri the TIME 8 oclock"
    u've bought a tomato clock
    "si…"
    u bought 100 eggs

    • 2,005
    • LIKES
    kriscrittahaureljaredJosephKramer93thecameronloganjlangston11pageboy420AbbyPoprockzem_klausz
    • 904
    • RETWEETS
    DennisFogelmarkvangoghgaIDBwiddaDBAbbyPoprockzRiley_Fitz1JakenschmidtTallDarkChicanoGealman
    jonnysun
  • egg_dog
      ℮gg dingus @egg_dog

    Teacher: ok class bring your dioramas to the front of the class
    Me: [holding a bowl of diahorrea] oh no…

    • 2,068
    • LIKES
    deceitfulbeanaureljaredStephasaurusSexJosephKramer93Care_uh_Troybigcarls115dollarPetejas_siiingh
    • 703
    • RETWEETS
    aureljarednaturegurl1010AbbyPoprockzantoniogutzzzWaterPoloTrevorTallDarkChicanoRealFatmanblairrcullen
  • egg_dog
      ℮gg dingus @egg_dog

    viagra is caps lock for ur dick

    • 1,396
    • LIKES
    Audrey_BerasiLogan_SiragusaMariaHeineggfredrikfahlandeumhecbaajbcdesmondEvaUnit_0_1j_puck4
    • 1,263
    • RETWEETS
    MariaHeinegggguerrarumij_puck4fuji__applescehrahtoomanytoesSelenaBDJacksonMeatyMendoza
    SpencerLenoxsteeIbaIIrundinogorenice_mustard
  • egg_dog
      ℮gg dingus @egg_dog

    if u milk a cows shadow u get pepsi

    • 1,364
    • LIKES
    julessirkin_nuttbar_actualgeraldaureljaredJosephKramer93Thatssodanielle5dollarPeteMitchellFord2
    • 758
    • RETWEETS
    _nuttbar_aureljaredsupimsamtirthinamdarAlyssaDavis77JosephKugelmonkeyypajamasarronHimself69
  • egg_dog
      ℮gg dingus @egg_dog

    “lets take this club to the next level!” the dj shouted. unfortunately the next level was a boss stage and most of us died

    • 1,144
    • LIKES
    donnifuddlemarkissyripleyahjessebradimirputinJediMasterJamspacific_amnesiajaycatsjensen
    • 900
    • RETWEETS
    DhartzyotoomanytoesMeatyMendozaspaghettingPearfalseHannah_DuncannjuegdeRydog57__
    AceMakesWordscholesteroIPajamaBen_PurpleDaemon__
  • egg_dog
      ℮gg dingus @egg_dog

    rum and coke please
    "is pepsi ok?"
    …um its alright i guess
    "cool ill have to try it out"
    *bartender pours me a rum and coke*

    • 1,440
    • LIKES
    seagulbassAncientChaos7donnibillmcfuddlemarkmynameisblakushparks_dankreso
    • 543
    • RETWEETS
    MeatyMendozamynameisblakusKennethArthuRSandrewsho_DrFrimpongsufiathegreatThatRedHead54Mercabro_97
  • egg_dog
      ℮gg dingus @egg_dog

    [sees a coffin]
    …that's the last thing I need

    • 1,339
    • LIKES
    onearmedwampaAustralianSquidGDonnelly33XFartInhaler69Xaredahlem_madijackKeriKerriKerriePeteECochrane
    • 588
    • RETWEETS
    IgnatiusUnderh2EmmaPeterzmatthewweiss34XFartInhaler69XJack_DetriceFlexicoPlexnaveeniiumTheRealRHB
  • egg_dog
      ℮gg dingus @egg_dog

    *sneaks out of church & pulls soggy communion wafer out from mouth and adds it to the ball* dont worry jesus youll be back with us soon

    • 1,331
    • LIKES
    billmcryanlangggssempreliberaaLowkeyTwitsSpiderSocksfuddlemarkissyripleycaycietaylor
    • 578
    • RETWEETS
    Jen_Buno_comanchefuddlemarklivicotecaycietaylorH4NY0L0vakatiesdLizardsInParis
  • egg_dog
      ℮gg dingus @egg_dog

    petition to rename sausages 'pigarettes'

    • 1,119
    • LIKES
    fuddlemarkTuckKarnescoolbiRdpicspatrickclareDyslexicBobRACH4_theSTARZCrowleyLuranabeermanboobs__
    • 772
    • RETWEETS
    MeatyMendozaCrowleyLuranaSidewaysBoyangieelombardothejewishjetLaLaLauren_Luvswagbovie__Dwat24
  • egg_dog
      ℮gg dingus @egg_dog

    im on a see boob diet. i see boob, i.e tit

    • 1,129
    • LIKES
    coolbiRdpicstyjnoKhanjanPandya16sa1tiestLaneNickypercyfigsjwatilomlvassallo
    • 518
    • RETWEETS
    MeatyMendozaRydog57__harjy_jwatiloKennethArthuRSGre_GoneZeppoWilburySidewaysBoy
    electrolemonherrsturmKMdhcdinogore
  • egg_dog
      ℮gg dingus @egg_dog

    turn your pants inside out, then the whole world is your butt and dick

    • 971
    • LIKES
    fuddlemarksnow_vanDeLMarSancoolbiRdpicsdustinmizelleJ_shH_llandGre_GoneOwenPRees
    • 512
    • RETWEETS
    PearfalseCallinGarciaantonekstrom8adamn0llRetroRaygunGre_Goneerr_derzapb89
    AmSock_Jim_Fearrobdelaney
@egg_dog

@egg_dog

i put the 'ordpl' in 'wordplay'

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