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  • eitan
      Eitan @eitan

    obama just gave a shoutout to the internet!!!! i live there!

    • 13
    • FAVS
    nintendonut1centofantegrossygrossArchanasourjaynegesagirardjustinzachdunn
    • 26
    • RETWEETS
    davideggletondevankoshalcodyclarkAubsgeek4christkremlinkallutowhammeswillium
  • eitan
      Eitan @eitan

    so far, this is the whitest black history month ever.

    • 9
    • RETWEETS
    Witha3wskrsbmeyersonjulimargueritteaaabneylagiabellamikezollermr_suh
  • eitan
      Eitan @eitan

    i can't decide if the best part of earth hour is saving the world or masturbating to shadow puppets.

    • 5
    • RETWEETS
    lagiabellanosceteaeon_GKeenanEricDDirksenFapCop
  • eitan
      Eitan @eitan

    whoa! just saw rahm emanuel driving a neon hover-plow down lake shore drive!

    • 5
    • RETWEETS
    SouthtownStar_GKeenanhalliganWGWReg_onstage_DannyHernandez
  • eitan
      Eitan @eitan

    i've learned some important things from twitter today:
    1. it snowed.
    2. everyone owns a camera phone.

    • 1
    • FAV
    benedictwong
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    benedictwonglocalcelebrity_GKeenanEricDDirksen
  • eitan
      Eitan @eitan

    now that "gay people" can serve in the "military," who do i talk to about getting a "cinnabon franchise" in my "laundry room"?

    • 1
    • FAV
    cjrock
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    danielmatthewsptolemyclarkcjrock
  • eitan
      Eitan @eitan

    the solitary candy bar wanders, destitute, along the desolate streets of chicago: http://twitpic.com/266lmo

    • 1
    • FAV
    dosjon
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    _DannyHernandezdosjonedgeq_
  • eitan
      Eitan @eitan

    pi day is a double-whammy for jehovah's witnesses, since they don't believe in holidays or circles.

    • 1
    • FAV
    dnd5425
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    EricDDirksen_GKeenan
  • eitan
      Eitan @eitan

    it is so cold i just spent 20 straight seconds thinking about survival instead of boobs and donuts.

    • 1
    • FAV
    MeganILM__
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    lagiabella_GKeenan
  • eitan
      Eitan @eitan

    RT @dalailama: Text HORSE to 32524 if u want Fred Durst 2 come back as a seahorse or TOAST if u want him 2 come back as a cute toaster oven

    • 2
    • FAVS
    brakattackbmeyerson
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    katillac
  • eitan
      Eitan @eitan

    QUICK! does anyone have a grolier cd-rom??? i have to finish my dinosaur book report and it's DUE IN 1994.

    • 1
    • FAV
    setecq
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    helloCassiniauntypodes
  • eitan
      Eitan @eitan

    articles about this HIV cure fail to thank me for selling all those product (red) ipod nanos. also, i watched philadelphia on tv once.

    • 1
    • FAV
    bmeyerson
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    bmeyerson_GKeenan
  • eitan
      Eitan @eitan

    1. first they came for crystal pepsi
    2. then they came for surge
    3. then they came for four loko
    4. ????
    5. HOLOCAUST

    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    shelbygotskillzAdamTo11_GKeenan
  • eitan
      Eitan @eitan

    lou dobbs employed undocumented workers?! it's exactly like that time i told everyone poptarts were gross but secretly I ONLY ATE POPTARTS.

    • 2
    • FAVS
    bmeyersoneitan
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    bmeyerson
  • eitan
      Eitan @eitan

    i hope that when scientists cure AIDS, they thank everyone who bought red ipod nanos.

    • 1
    • FAV
    fredosan
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    chrisxwhaleyhelloCassini
  • eitan
      Eitan @eitan

    i don't blame tipper gore. i too would have divorced al if he wore his nobel medal during sex and set his wakeup ringtone to "cop killer."

    • 1
    • FAV
    dinahfay
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    Robert1943adamzwiner
  • eitan
      Eitan @eitan

    scenes from the recession: i just witnessed two kids arguing over a bottle of vitamin water. hard times, y'all. steinbeck shit right there.

    • 1
    • FAV
    eitan
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    localcelebrityjoshbillions
  • eitan
      Eitan @eitan

    BREAKING: ryan gosling's beard to play osama bin ladin's beard in "MAY DAY: The Night Kid Rock Won An NAACP Image Award"

    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    katillac_GKeenan
  • eitan
      Eitan @eitan

    it took five years, but i finally fucking NAILED the lifeguard whistle solo from "spice up your life."

    • 1
    • FAV
    technicka
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    Resort2TheRobot
  • eitan
      Eitan @eitan

    jesus CHRIST whose ass do i have to kiss to get my mary todd lincoln powerpoint adapted for broadway!?!

    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    danielmatthews_GKeenan
@eitan

@eitan

Ask me about the Kennedy assassination.