@billcorbett All plumbers are member of a secret army protecting us from mushrooms and turtles, though.

Power Lloyd's Barbeque and Dojo

Time to crawl into my sadness cocoon. (That's his bed, Tony fans! -ed)

When I was in high school I tried to go to the official Beastie Boys website but I typed it wrong and it was a bestiality website.

Abortions: Hook 'Em When They're Young

Dungeons & Dragons is trending. That's pretty much the greatest trend ever.

In the late 1800s, a band of Warrior Cats led by John Joel Glanpaw roamed the West skinning other Warrior Cats for bounties. #BloodMewidian

Sorry, Journey. I am hitting "skip" because I have stopped believing.

Mubarak should put the pussy in the sarcophagus.

One (1) heterosexual man for the male strippers movie, please.

If a girl is named Maya is it a good pickup line to ask if she wants to have Quetzalcoitus?

Somebody vandalzied Aaron Brooks' Wikipedia page. Unless he really did have sex with Michael Vick and attended the Penis of Virginia

Started typing a tweet and then deleted it all

Genital torture doesn't seem all that bad. I mean, at least then somebody would want something to do with my genitals.

So You Think You Can Date George Lopez?

@jerocrowe Plug a Game Genie in the Redbox. All the codes are in the booklet that came with your Game Genie.

@karatloz @kirabira Im gonna name this gourd I dressed up in baby clothes "Issac."

What do they feed these horses that are cumming into shot glasses?

@jesusfan_420 @karatloz Add your own name to the matrix! http://t.co/X3m58Dd7

I should put a big rock in the oven to warm it up and then bring it to bed with me.