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Yeah keep going after running over my foot with your stroller, you cow. The fly to your mom jeans is open. #westhartford
"Jessica had the money for a real urn, but she felt this dented PBR can had more 'character.'" #HipsterEulogies
Telling a dude covertly trying to piss, "Someone's coming!" is like waking a somnambulist.
Row E Orchestra for Lou Reed 4/17. I'd like to thank all of you who supported & brought me burritos during my 10-minute electronic camp-out.
Falling asleep holding your phone under your pillow is the digital age's Guatamalan worry doll.
There was once an age where mustaches were absent of irony and Instamatic was not deliberate. Keep the uploads of vintage dad pics coming.
#dear14yroldself You are the first high school drama student ever to write a slice-of-life realism play WITHIN a play. Really.
Saddened by rapid death of CD's, yet cool I could leave my whole music collection on my car seats & know thieves won't be tempted. At all.
So has anyone ever listened to Sheena Easton's My Baby Takes the Morning Train outside of a supermarket?
Still waiting to hear back from Duchess Kate on my invite to grab truck tacos and get shitfaced at the Smogcutter this weekend. #willandkate
Pretty sure I'm the only person who's ever brought two rabbit carcasses with her into the fitting room at J. Crew.
I prefer cats to dogs, old people to babies, and standard to widescreen. My pet peeves are fruit-on-the-bottom yogurt and character limits.