#FF Laughter is good @adamzopf @robsprance @gloryholeradio @blainecapatch @totallyallen

#FF @robsprance @gloryholeradio because confusing Gary Busey and Nick Nolte is a universal dilemma.

Yeah keep going after running over my foot with your stroller, you cow. The fly to your mom jeans is open. #westhartford

"Jessica had the money for a real urn, but she felt this dented PBR can had more 'character.'" #HipsterEulogies

Row E Orchestra for Lou Reed 4/17. I'd like to thank all of you who supported & brought me burritos during my 10-minute electronic camp-out.

Falling asleep holding your phone under your pillow is the digital age's Guatamalan worry doll.

#FF Twied and twue tweeps @ceextwo @michmarkowitz @rsoussi @lindspinds @leenasoussi @ametto @danport

There was once an age where mustaches were absent of irony and Instamatic was not deliberate. Keep the uploads of vintage dad pics coming.

@karencreets I don't need tight pants for that.

#dear14yroldself You are the first high school drama student ever to write a slice-of-life realism play WITHIN a play. Really.

Saddened by rapid death of CD's, yet cool I could leave my whole music collection on my car seats & know thieves won't be tempted. At all.

So has anyone ever listened to Sheena Easton's My Baby Takes the Morning Train outside of a supermarket?

Still waiting to hear back from Duchess Kate on my invite to grab truck tacos and get shitfaced at the Smogcutter this weekend. #willandkate

@michmarkowitz You can usually spot a Gen-Xer by the indentation where their eyebrow piercing used to be. #1998

@totallyallen What about the women? What about THE WOMEN??

Nothing against pugs but is the overweight one next to me panting or trying to fart through his throat?

#FF One of my new favorite beings @guyendorekaiser

@michmarkowitz TOO SOON.

@michmarkowitz The Economist? I get an old woman on the next treadmill reading US & trying to start a conversation about Reese Witherspoon.

@a1mrson That's the opposite of my reaction when I've dreamt I'm knocked up. #pregmares