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In successful relationships, no one wears the pants. Or any pants.
Twitter is the result of Facebook not having a dislike button.
Birth Control Pills should be for men. It makes much more sense to unload a gun than to shoot at a bulletproof vest.
Twitter is the only cage where a bird has managed to trap humans...
You know it's true love when he starts using condoms with the other girls.
If I owned a hair salon, I would call it 'Blow Me'.
The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place.
Nothing shows the true nature of a man faster than rejection.
Don't fuck with the queen of hearts or you'll end up with the queen of spades.
Women always worry about things that men forget. Men always worry about things that women remember.
Easy on the throat, I've got this silly little breathing habit.
Jealousy is the art of counting someone else's blessings instead of your own.
Men who say women belong in the kitchen obviously don't know what to do with them in the bedroom.
My safe word is "fucking MORE!"
I hope Facebook doesn't die, only because we need a place to keep all the drama queens.
The best makeup is a smile. The best jewelry is modesty. The best clothing is confidence.
The hypochondriac in me gets a bit uncomfortable with my zodiac sign being cancer.
Always tell someone how you feel, because opportunities are lost in the blink of an eye but regret can last for a lifetime ...
Love yourself so no one has to.