You say "divorced", I say "marriage-graduate".

Yoga-dude, I don't know why you hate deodorant, but sinus raping everyone within 3 feet of you is shitty karma. Namaste

If you don't need a little Hall & Oats in your life once in a while, piss off.

Legalize Critical Thinking

Sorry Wayne, but I grew up in the 70's and Weezy is Mr. Jefferson's wife.

The mayors will run out of $ before we run out of determination. The 99% have nothing left to loose. #n17 #ows #oo #occupyeverything

#OccupyOakland Famsies, a down-ass EMT in Oakland reports Raid sched for 2 am. They are posting units right now. Let's be careful out there!

Hey punk-rock, when your station in life has been relegated to riding shotgun in your wife's Subaru, chill out on the tough-guy looks!

70% of the U.S. population has herpes; Happy Valentine's Day.

My child just discovered The Wiggles. This is my suicide note....

I can't understand anything said by anyone born after 1987.

"Put another zipper on it" - fashion designers in the 80's

Jesus doesn't give a shit about your football team

I know I'm doing twitter wrong, but I'd rather know a boundless love steeped in the waters of compassion than to see one more titty avi.

If you EVER dug Hootie and the Blowfish, we can't be friends.

Hey Mowgli, bros before hoes dude! Damn!

We Are The 47%!

For the last time, I don't know shit about Tootsie Pops, dude! That's a whole different Owl, you racist asshole! - Woodsy

I'm at my most Blaxican when I'm watching basketball, eating a bowl of macaroni & cheese con frijoles.

I'm old enough to remember when Goth high-schoolers were called Thespians.