@greatdismal First time I heard you, you said a kid would think the mystery of Neuromancer was what happened to all the cell phones.

@gammacounter @rich_oglesby @greatdismal DIY touchgloves with lamé repair thread + gloves of your choice http://t.co/ix5QjfNQ

Freshly cleaned pillow case, you are the smooth vulva to my sleepy face penis.

Twitter: @iamenidcoleslaw has favorited 7 of my tweets. Are we dating yet?

Feeling happy and satisfied with my life! #aprilfools

Nothing makes me feel more porn star attractive than going to Wal-Mart on a Saturday afternoon.

Beer and pot for dinner. You have to keep your food groups balanced. #nutrition

When my dog gets a new toy, she immediately goes to work chewing off the eyes. Just the eyes. Should I be freaked out?

@plf2012 Anyone who cares about people is associated with Commander X.

Google "Can you even ride a fucking ostrich?" Going for an Autocomplete Me here - please RT!

Everything I know about women I learned from @iamenidcoleslaw. Penis, prepare for glory!

If you're an adult wearing a Disney jacket I'm not avoiding you. I just think you have a soft moron brain and I don't want to catch that.

@poteetweet Neat, mines Jean Luc Dickhard! (French emphasis obviously)

No way, a follow from @honey_buckets?! Every time I use one now I'll feel like I'm using my disgusting friend's own bathroom <3

@poteetweet can the rest of us get some retweetables please? aka self esteem fuel

I just mistakenly typed "I want to leave a life of..." when I meant "lead a life". Does my subconscious want to kill me??

Confusing, non-sequiturous graffiti is my favorite source of band names. My electro-metal band will be Shitty Carbonate! per a dumpster.

#QuestionForRomney so is it short for Mittward, or just Mitt as in "oven" or "catcher's"?

@poteetweet any merchandise? I'll just send you a blank check, one of everything.

@poteetweet there's totally sticky slopes too. Expand your minds, squares! #tweetsforsquares