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I am ashamed of who Netflix thinks I am.
"I plead the 5th. Beethoven's." - world's classiest criminal
"If you need me, I'll be over here wondering why my career's stalled out while dicking around on the internet." - Everyone
Life hack: if you sit in a cafe and move your lips a little while writing down lyrics to any song, it looks like you have a job.
Fun thing to do late night is to walk up to the generic picture frames at CVS and scream WHO THE FUCK IS THIS BITCH, GREG?!
The DMV is a great equalizer. Inside these walls we're ALL gray and sexless.
Sucks how Scientology made believing in aliens sound crazy.
It saddens me to report that Anonymous and Anonymous have had a vicious falling out in the comments section of everything.
Weird. Facebook just told me I'd reached my maximum number of Joshes.
Before this goes any further I want you to know I'm not naturally bald on my legs.
Ate a carb and I'm fucking panicking.
Don't act like you don't know what a Wayans is, iPhone.
I always read "Sent from my iPad" as "Sent from my champagne-filled Lamborghini!"
The only thing that would make True Detective better is if it could reach out and choke me a little bit.
If I don't have eyelash extensions and nail art am I a man?
Funny how people who don't let you in on the freeway are the same way with their hearts.
"I THINK YOU ARE FUCKING INSANE and I share a lot of your traits." - the basic premise behind all holiday depression
Comic / Actor / Writer / Weird Smiler / Album recording 5/21 @UCBTLA Franklin! ✨via AST Records⚡️ http://favstar.fm/users/emilymayamills
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