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We are all just energy floating about the universe but you still need to use your turn signal motherfucker.
I am ashamed of who Netflix thinks I am.
"I plead the 5th. Beethoven's." - world's classiest criminal
"If you need me, I'll be over here wondering why my career's stalled out while dicking around on the internet." - Everyone
Dumpster Full of Crows is:
A) a headling band at SXSW
B) my nightmare last night
C) a real thing I saw this morning while jogging
Life hack: if you sit in a cafe and move your lips a little while writing down lyrics to any song, it looks like you have a job.
Dude def got the idea for Human Centipede at the end of airport security where everyone's putting on their shoes.
I like to think of myself as unbiased and open hearted but if I were a bird I would not let my daughter date a pigeon.
Sometimes I wonder if my apple remote ever even existed.
Sucks how Scientology made believing in aliens sound crazy.
Fun thing to do late night is to walk up to the generic picture frames at CVS and scream WHO THE FUCK IS THIS BITCH, GREG?!
The DMV is a great equalizer. Inside these walls we're ALL gray and sexless.
Life would be so much easier if we didn't need an income or a purpose.
It saddens me to report that Anonymous and Anonymous have had a vicious falling out in the comments section of everything.
Before this goes any further I want you to know I'm not naturally bald on my legs.
Weird. Facebook just told me I'd reached my maximum number of Joshes.
Ate a carb and I'm fucking panicking.
I always read "Sent from my iPad" as "Sent from my champagne-filled Lamborghini!"
If Carla and Diane had a baby. Debut album BY A THREAD available on iTunes now: http://apple.co/1SNHHcl via @aspecialthing @ucbtla & @mymomsbagina
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