Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
We are all just energy floating about the universe but you still need to use your turn signal motherfucker.
I am ashamed of who Netflix thinks I am.
"If you need me, I'll be over here wondering why my career's stalled out while dicking around on the internet." - Everyone
Sucks how Scientology made believing in aliens sound crazy.
Before this goes any further I want you to know I'm not naturally bald on my legs.
I always read "Sent from my iPad" as "Sent from my champagne-filled Lamborghini!"
Weird. Facebook just told me I'd reached my maximum number of Joshes.
If I don't have eyelash extensions and nail art am I a man?
Nelson Mandela died today & every person I pass in the streets of Los Angeles has a look in their eyes that says, "is this scarf too much?"
Whenever I see an Hasidic Jewish man I want to tickle him until reggae music comes out.
"I watched an entire season of Breaking Bad in one sitting" is the new being chubby to prove your wealth and prosperity.
Here's to waking up in the morning and punching death in the face one more time.
I smell french toast for no reason. Might be having a sassy, hyper-sexual stroke.
"Oooh, this place has five stars on Yelp?" - the one-star review king about to ruin someone's day
What came first, The Dude or dudes who look like The Dude?
I love how when I go over to a more accomplished friend's house, it always smells like fresh baked cookies and freedom from inner demons.
"I gotcha, baby cub." - Shaq cradling Lebron James
Genius trapped in the brain of an ideot. http://t.co/LAMLhDXnjq