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I am ashamed of who Netflix thinks I am.
Life hack: if you sit in a cafe and move your lips a little while writing down lyrics to any song, it looks like you have a job.
Fun thing to do late night is to walk up to the generic picture frames at CVS and scream WHO THE FUCK IS THIS BITCH, GREG?!
"If you need me, I'll be over here wondering why my career's stalled out while dicking around on the internet." - Everyone
"I plead the 5th. Beethoven's." - world's classiest criminal
Sucks how Scientology made believing in aliens sound crazy.
It saddens me to report that Anonymous and Anonymous have had a vicious falling out in the comments section of everything.
Weird. Facebook just told me I'd reached my maximum number of Joshes.
Before this goes any further I want you to know I'm not naturally bald on my legs.
Ate a carb and I'm fucking panicking.
Don't act like you don't know what a Wayans is, iPhone.
I always read "Sent from my iPad" as "Sent from my champagne-filled Lamborghini!"
The only thing that would make True Detective better is if it could reach out and choke me a little bit.
If I don't have eyelash extensions and nail art am I a man?
Funny how people who don't let you in on the freeway are the same way with their hearts.
"I THINK YOU ARE FUCKING INSANE and I share a lot of your traits." - the basic premise behind all holiday depression
Binge watching TV shows is like cramming for your membership to society.
Comic / Actor / Writer / Weird Smiler / Album recording 5/21 @UCBTLA Franklin! ✨via AST Records⚡️ http://favstar.fm/users/emilymayamills
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