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I am ashamed of who Netflix thinks I am.
"I plead the 5th. Beethoven's." - world's classiest criminal
"If you need me, I'll be over here wondering why my career's stalled out while dicking around on the internet." - Everyone
Life hack: if you sit in a cafe and move your lips a little while writing down lyrics to any song, it looks like you have a job.
Dude def got the idea for Human Centipede at the end of airport security where everyone's putting on their shoes.
Fun thing to do late night is to walk up to the generic picture frames at CVS and scream WHO THE FUCK IS THIS BITCH, GREG?!
The DMV is a great equalizer. Inside these walls we're ALL gray and sexless.
Life would be so much easier if we didn't need an income or a purpose.
Sucks how Scientology made believing in aliens sound crazy.
It saddens me to report that Anonymous and Anonymous have had a vicious falling out in the comments section of everything.
Weird. Facebook just told me I'd reached my maximum number of Joshes.
Sometimes I wonder if my apple remote ever even existed.
Before this goes any further I want you to know I'm not naturally bald on my legs.
Ate a carb and I'm fucking panicking.
Don't act like you don't know what a Wayans is, iPhone.
I always read "Sent from my iPad" as "Sent from my champagne-filled Lamborghini!"
It would suck to have a piece of gum stuck in your throat forever. Then again Morrissey seems fine with it.
Comic / Actor / Writer / Weird Smiler / Album recording 5/21 @UCBTLA Franklin! ✨via AST Records⚡️ http://favstar.fm/users/emilymayamills
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